Well done Heather,

You received some very good advice from the girls and I'm glad to see that you have moved forward with your trannie life.  As someone who has only been going out for a short time, may I just say that I have spent about 12 hours walking around York in the last two months and although I'm 6 foot without heels, no-one ever seems to bat an eyelid.  People are much too concerned with their own lives to notice!

One word of warning though.  Be very careful! (Oh that's three!)  I never realised how vulnerable women were at night until I practised being one.  Keep to well lit and busy roads.  Don't go for quiet back lanes.

Hugs

Lisa

Hi everyone

   Firstly a massive THANK YOU to everyone who has posted replies. I really never expected anyone to read it let alone reply. I just needed to get things off my chest. I have read everything people have said and have decided that i will never throw Heather to the side, and i am determined to do everything i can to help her come out more. I have sold my car, and with some of the money i invested in a pair of silicone breast forms and a new wig. I looked so different with the new aquisitions that in the past few days i have been out for a drive dressed and last night i went for a walk round the block. It was the most exilerating feeling to finally get outside after 15 yrs but i have also never been so nervous at the same time.
I am hoping my mum is going to take some photos of the new me over the weekend and i will post them up for you all to see. I know that without all the supportive comments everyone has put on this board that Heather would be hidden in the closet, but now with all your support she is finally getting the recognition that she deserves. Again THANK YOU.

Oh, for those that were asking where i'm from. I live in Cranham near Romford, U.K

Well hopefully speak again soon with those Photos.

Hugs to everyone

Heather

p.s oh just an afterthought but has anyone heard of the lodge in upminster. It is a 1st wednesday of the month night out for tv's, and only a couple of mile from me, but i don't know anything about it and wondered if anyone else does.

Heather - there is nothing wrong with being transgender - and so what if people look - just make sure that they are also impressed - so you need to get out with some friends and there are loads of nights out happening all over the country - letus know where you are in the country - and you can send me a private mail if you don't want to do that in the forum - though it is perfectly safe - no one is going to be able to identify you - unless like me you go on television and tell the world you are transgender - thats why I know its cool to be TG - since being on Television I have had nothing but compliments (oh except my ex partners - but they don't count) It takes a bit of courage anddd support to ge out - but one you are out - you will not turn back girl - so come om - tel us where you are and let us help you be yourself.

I must agree with what has been posted here so far.

I always like to stress the importance of support groups.  Even if you cannot find one in your immediate area, it would be worth your effort to meet with a group that is somewhat far away.  That made all the difference for me.  After only one month of being in contact with a group, I was going out as a woman all the time except for work and a few other rare occasions.  A group could also lead you to other resources, such as therapists who specialize in transgender issues.  The social group that I am in has members who drive from up to 250 miles/400 km away.  You are lucky in that you have supportive parents.  Build on that support by finding a group, and you will be much happier.  Perhaps the UK members would know of groups in your area.

Heather H.

Hi everyone. This is probably the last post i will make on this site and i may waffle but i need to speak to someone.

Basically, i have dressed as a woman since i was very young and had an awful experience with my foster parents finding out, and basically brandishing me the devil incarnate. This immediately made me hide who i was for what seemed a lifetime. Well 15 yrs in fact.

I then met up with my real parents last year, and moved in with them in september. My mum could sense straight away that i was hiding something, and managed to pursuade me to tell her what it was. So i told her. She was absolutely fine about it, which made me the happiest that i had been in years.

She then proceded to tell my dad, who came and spoke to me and told me that whatever i decided to do i would always be his son. And my mum then added that the way they looked at it was that they weren't losing a son but gaining a daughter, (without the pain added my mum).

I thought that this was it. My life would turn round to how i had always pictured it. I don't think i could be more wrong. I spend all my spare time dressed as Heather at home basically living as a female when not at work. But because of my earlier experiences that's where my problems really start.

Because i was told it was so wrong to cross dress in any form, i can't get it out of my head, which means i am to scared to go out the door dressed, which is something i am so wanting to do. I can't even bring myself to buy female clothes when my mum is with me, because i feel that if someone hears me say i like something they're going to instantly think "Oh he must be a transvestite, what a freak" and i am going to get beaten up or had a go at!!

I don't have any friends at all where i live as i spend all my time inside when not at work because i want to be Heather and not Wayne. I'm getting more and more depressed because i want to go out, but feel i will be read instantly and then there will be trouble.

I really don't know what to do. I've tried to meet friends on sites like this but the only replies i get are from men who want to get to know me better (if you know what i mean).
HAs anyone out there any suggestions as to what i can do, or do i just throw Heather in the trash and force myself to be Wayne!!!

Sorry to have gone on so long, if you have read all of this thankyou. It helps a little to let someone know what i am feeling

Heather

HI GIRLS,I AGREE WITH EVERYONE..JUST DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU,BUT NEVER SUPRESS "HEATHER"..SHE WILL ASK YOU POLITELY TO LET HER OUT..IF YOU DON'T SHE'LL YELL TO COME OUT...IF YOU IGNORE HER OR SUPRESS HER ,SHE WILL RAGE TILL YOU LET HER OUT OR YOU DESTROY YOURSELF...WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER...I SAT ON "PHYLISS" FOR 50 YEARS,NOW,SHES FREE AND SO AM I......DON'T BE AFRAID...PHYLISS

Hi Heather

My advice might not suit you, but anyway, this is what I do.

I´m in the middle of my mtf transition and have changed my looks more into the androgynic direction. I visit cafeterias in cloths, that could be both male or female, with a light make up on my face. So far no comments or bad looks from other people. Just the other way around, very nice service...So far they probably consider me as an affeminate man, later on maybe the other way around. Which is maybe not so nice..:)

Laura

Heather B:

Wow--there's a lot here. Deep stuff, too.

Your folks do sound like they're behind you, which is really cool. It's more than I can say...only one family member knows so far, and my S.O. sort of does.

I also understand the fear of going out thing. Even if you're good, and everyone in the world knows about you, that fear still holds you in. Paranoia is a strong fear-based motivator. It can inhibit you from doing normal, everyday things.

However...

You can't stay inside the rest of your life. You do need to get out--as Heather--and do something.  

So, in the "For What It's Worth" Column...

1. Do something simple. If you have a car, wait until dark. Get dressed as Heather, then go out for a drive. Drop off some mail, make a deposit at a bank, go to the far end of town where nobody is likely to know you--or care--and do a drive through at a fast food type place. This is the key part here, hon--don't get out of the car until you are home. Try this a few times, and see how it works.

2. Talk to your mom, and ask her to go shopping with Heather for a few things. And I mean just a few things... maybe a pair of female pants, or a blouse/top, or even just women's socks. (Gotta start somewhere, dear.) Have her stand with you as you check out. Try this two or three times; you'll find that in most cases the clerks really don't care what you look like, so long as your cash is good. (Oh, yes...do use cash. No cheques or plastic.)

3. Katie is right--you may need a live support group, or a danceclub where you can go out and feel safe. I've been to a few TG/Bi/L/G bars; and I am usually accepted there like family. Only once did I get ignored; and I've not been back there since. And if you do get read...so? If you are someplace safe, nobody will really care. I've been read more often than not, early on...and still get read even now. There has only been a few tense seconds. Just think like the woman you are. You'll be fine.

4. Don't ever stop being Heather. If you suppress this side of you, eventually, she'll just come popping right back out, much more exaggerated...or you might get physically ill. (I speak from personal experience.) You have been blessed--not cursed--with a beautiful gift. You just need to find the right way to express that gift for you...not me, not Katie, not anyone else.

5. You've tried to meet friends online, but they've all been interested in getting inside your panties? Not here, surely? :(okay, my sarcasm is showing some today.)  I know what you mean, hon. Sad to say, perverts are like the poor: They are always in abundance.

But take a look at who all is here, and willing to help. Stevie. Sukie. Katie. Ricka. Rikki, if you can catch her. Annie. Heather H. Lauranatalia. I'm here, too--with at least a dozen others, and we've all been in your pumps! People that, when I was really struggling a few years ago and trying to make my own way through my questions, I would've loved to have had access to! Trannyweb is indeed becoming a rich resource...use it!

6. Finally--I am always willing to talk privately. You can e-mail me here, or at [email protected]. Anything you share with me is kept confidential. I'm not a shrink--but I have enough background in counseling that I want to help where I can. Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen to you.

Luv 'n helping hugs,
(Dr.) Jayne Sakura

I would just like to add my support to the rest.I,like them have been there('cept Thailand,I wish).Katie's suggestion of support groups is the way I went,after too many years in the closet,and it was the best move I ever made.I'm still read occasionally,but most of the UK is so tolerant that neither the reader nor I care.In fact I now have friends that I met when they found the courage to talk to me.I'll talk to anyone that will listen! (and some that won't).
Let Heather out,and your life will become richer and fuller for it.It's not easy,but the emotional release and ensuing inner peace and calmness you will feel is beyond my powers of description.

Hugs,Sue.X

Hello Heather,

I really don't think there's much mileage in trashing Heather and forcing yourself to be Wayne.  Transgenderism is something that does not go away.

You can pretend to be Wayne as much as you like but Heather will always be there.

It sounds to me like your parents are right behind you.  You are really in a very lucky position in comparison with some, whose parents refuse to accept their other self.

There are many things we don't know about you which would help us to give advice.  How passable are you?  Where in the world are you?  Your flag says you're somewhere in the UK.  Without giving away your address, please tell us which is your closest big town or city.

There are many, many support organisations who have seen everything and will be happy to give you guidence locally.

To stay completely annonymous, you could use the Trannyweb Search Engine (or Mabel).  Tap in your nearest big town and keywords like "support group resources help clubs" and see what comes out.

If you just fancy going out socially, there are now many nightspots which cater for our community and where you can go without feeling like a misfit.  Look around you and just about everyone else you see will be TG in some way as well.

And if my advice is not enough for you, I'm sure the rest of our girls will be happy to give you their ha'pence worth too.

Watch this space!

Hugs,

Katie  :)
PS Always remember that what you've been born with is regarded by many as a gift.