Mickey, this is a two part problem. First is the issue of your mother's response to you coming out to her. The possible outcomes are two, she doesn't kick you out or she does. The former isn't an issue (is it?) so we can focus on the latter.
How you judge which is most likely is really a matter of looking at your relationship with your mother and past occasions where you came to her for help. Picking up on Nikki's comment, you're the only person with an insight into how your mother perceives issues of sexuality and personal issues that you might have brought her in the past. That you are afraid could suggest that your life experience with your mother is that rejection is most likely. Alternatively, it may just be a healthy caution on your part.
That you pose the question suggests that you want to come out to her. That you want to come out 'to |your| mother' suggests a positive relationship with her specifically. Such was the case with me and my mother. With your desire, then, and presuming that the pressures on you to come don't diminish (which is, of course, highly unlikely) the issue is how she receives the news. There are two parts to that. First, her reception is based on the extend to which the news alters her perception of you, and how fixed that perception is and second, how well she deals with change in general. (This being a BIG change to deal with.) Is there any chance that she is to some degree aware? How extreme a change is this in your persona? How differently will you be perceived in comparison to other males in your family -- particularly your father. Anticipating the outcome is accomplished by considering all the past conversations you've had with your mother on contentious matters -- race, religion, politics, food prices, whats for dinner again, the state of your room... and so on. How does she take 'adverse' news. How important are appearances to your mother and your family? The more sensitive your family is to following social norms, the more difficult this new will be.
Have you defined the benefit to coming out? What do you wish to accomplish by this? There absolutely are valid reasons. I came to a point where coming out was a necessary step to maintain self-esteem. Then again, it might seem 'the thing to do' for no identifiable reason.
Is there a next step to coming out? Is there something that you want to do following this? For example, I stopped hiding my clothes after coming out. I stopped obsessively cleaning my nails of polish abandoning the stress of the fear of being outed by overlooked polish. The next step in fact may be what really needs to be considered.
Take a look around your mother's world. What are the people like, who are your mother's friends -- her world. Will she have to declare you to her friends? Will she want to be 'in the closet' over a transsexual child? My mother, as accepting as she is, is still after two years unable to tell her neighbours about me. It is her choice.
Do you think that your mother really would throw you out? Why? Is this just an unfounded fear or are there real suggestions from your past relationship? If so, Mickey, your first concern should be your wellbeing and coming out and threatening that just isn't prudent. Our lives are challenging enough, don't place an extra substantial burden on yourself at this time.
The second overall issue, Mickey, is how important this step is for you in your life. If it can be postponed to a more favourable time, perhaps that is best. If in your self-interest, it is a step that you feel you must take, then consider finding professional counselling to help you with this step. I would strongly recommend this -- from the cataclysmic experience of spontaneously coming out to my wife.
Good luck.
That's a tough one. Where would you go if she did kick you out? Would you be able to afford to live somewhere else? If not, maybe now isn't the time to come out since you don't want to end up on the street. However, keeping it all inside is not easy either, or necessarily a good thing. As I don't know what your relationship with your mother is like it is really not possible to offer up anything constructive except that you need to weigh up the options. At some time you will leave home anyway, maybe then might be a better time to come out to her. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
A lot of good advice there, Ann.
It really comes down to what does coming out mean to you. Without knowing that it is impossible to determine the best course for you.
