I'm thinking about coming out to my girlfriend. I'm just scared.

A little background: We've been dating for over a year and we are in love. I have no fear of her leaving me because of this, but I am afraid that it might change our relationship.
She is comfortable with transsexualism in others. Three of our mutual friends are transsexuals (two ftm, one mtf), but I don't know if she's as comfortable when it's her boyfriend. I'm not going to start being a girl in public, nor most of the time in private (I'm not totally sold on either gender--they both have some perks), but I'm still worried she might be uncomfortable with it.
She's seen me in a dress before, but it was for things like Halloween (the most wonderful of holidays! ), and it was her idea. That's somewhat encouraging, but it's different when it's not just for laughs.
About six months ago, I started buying my own clothes online. I was at college, so if I timed my trips to the mail room right, no one would see my packages but me. But then when the semester ended, she was with me when I was cleaning out my room. I'd already hidden all the clothing, but I'd overlooked a receipt. Of course, she found it. I pretended to be as surprised as she was, but I'm sure I was unconvincing. I think I turned bright red before throwing it away in a hurry. I would have told her then and there, but it was the last night we would be together for a long time, and I didn't want it to be awkward.
Since then, she hasn't mentioned it again, but I feel that I owe her an explanation.
Bringing things to a head, I shaved my legs about a week ago (mmm...), and I'm going to visit her in a week. The hair won't be back by then. It's not a certainty she'll see or notice, but it's a risk.

Hi Lydia,

I know the quandry you are facing since I have had to it more than a few times myself. Firstly, yes it will definately have an affect upon your relationship but whether good or bad, I can't say, the fact that you have TG friends says a lot about your girlfriends understanding.

Some of the main worries of girlfriends and wives is
1) are we gay?
2) Will we be going out dressed?
3) do we want to change gender?

They have, after all, fallen in love with a man and can feel that this is about to be shattered. Small steps at her pace are the way to go with this and only bring the subject up if the timing is right. See how she reacts to seeing your legs smooth, that may give the opportunity to tell her everything.

It sounds like you just want to get the best out of both genders so a little bit of cross dressing now and then is quite harmless compared to going full time. She may be more accepting than you think.

Good luck,

Nikki

Hi Lydia-

First of all let me say I agree with the points Nikki has made in her post. What I would like to add is that it's better to broach this sooner rather than later, that is unless you intend to keep it hidden from her forever, a tactic I am most certainly not condemning. Many, many girls remain in the closet for many, many reasons and only they can decide what is right for them in their particular circumstance. However, if you intend to continue your relationship with your girlfriend, you did say you were in love with her and from the tone of your post it sounds as if you want the relationship to continue, then my personal feeling is that you owe it to her to share this very real and very significant part of who you really are. From my own personal experience and the experiences of friends one of the major feelings that the other person has, aside from the questions that Nikki mentioned, is that they have been misled or lied to for however long a period of time. I think it's better in the long run to be honest about who and what you are before the relationship leads to deeper commitment such as marriage.

And if and when you choose to share this with her, please remember, as I'm sure you will, to take her feelings into account and to go at her pace and to be honest in your answers, no matter how difficult it may be for you. If your relationship comes out intact on the other side, it will be the better for it for the both of you. But also please remember to have your eyes wide open as to what may happen, it's possible that it may be too much for her and it may damage or destroy your relationship. I'm not trying to be a pessimist, but things like this do happen, all in all, however, I feel it's better to be honest. Best of luck, Lydia, and, if you feel like sharing, please let us know how it goes.

Hugs...Joni Marie