Hiya, I am in a bit of a quandary so need some thoughs on what to do.

After spending most of my life in drepression, roller coaster, too much mind numming alcohol etc etc the best day of my life was when I realised that I was TS and that I can be the woman of my dreams. I'm sure that most of you can relate to this.

I went to my GP and he refered me to a GID specialist but am still waiting an appointment. Going to chase it up. How long does it normally take to get an appointment? My original plan was to get GID diagnosis before coming out to the world but I am getting impatient. Everyday goes by with it constantly on my mind when talking to my family, friends and associates. The words 'I'm a transexual' are on the tip of my tongue and sooner or later i am going to blurt it out uncontrollably.

I told a couple who are friends and they are both mental health nurses. They were very accepting and wish me all the best and said if i ever needed to chat i would always be welcome. This was great news. They also said it best to see GID specialist before proceeding any further. Back to my formentioned problem.

I told another couple who are friends, i knew they were liberal because they have pictures of trannies on their kitchen wall, they were very accepting too. however, I did get a very lengthy lecture on how difficult it would be and the abuse and discimination i would receive. he said this is probably a fad i am going through and will feel differently in a few months time. I did try to explain that this is something i have been carrying in my head since i was a child, i have recently realised what it all means and i have never been happier. still, it hit me like a sledge hammer. I went away and thought about it and came to the conclusion that a 2hr lecture is not going to change how i have felt for over 30 years. i am still excited that i have found the nature of my problems and still wish to pursue womanhood.

People I want to tell...
#1 My daughter of 7years, her mum and partner. mother is a social worker so i think she would be pretty cool however it always different when dealing with your own family as aposed to someone elses. I dont want to lose access to my daughter. I am happy to wait several years before telling my daughter however i wish to discuss this approach with her mum.

#2 My mum. She is very middle class and reserved and her husband is like a sergant major. I am sure my mum will accept me for what ever i am as long as i am happy. i dont care for her husband.

#3 The band. The drummer is the mental health nurse i already mentioned. I am sure it will be pretty cool for the band to have a TS.

#4 Work. I run my own business. I am happy to stay as man for the time being until particular peices of jigsaw are in place. least of my worries.

My mum works at my business 1 day a week. And the drummers dad also works part time. so you can see the factors are slightly interconnected.

dont really care for my dad. mum and dad got divorced when i was 3 and he never made any great contribution to my life so it doesnt bother me whether he knows or not.

I really want to tell everyone but am a bit unsure on how to proceed. I would love to just tell everyone as and when i met them. i am sure that is natural feelings but not always the best approach.

ok, now for the purpose of my post...

What are your thoughts? how would you approach this situation?

Thanks Ani XXX

Having already taken the first tentative steps of telling some of your friends, it seems you're already coming out. It gets a little easier with each person, though it is hardest with those closest to you. Just think long and hard about how you will tell people. How you present it can be important, but nonetheless, it appears you're on your way.

Welcome to the dark side, sister.

Hi Anyfer,
It sounds like you have your priorities straight and already are doing a good job. Although getting the piece of paper with a GID diagnosis could give you a moral boost, it is not necessary and what does it really change anyway, you already know who you are. Continue to be the good person you are and it will all come in due course with greater ease. My only suggestion is don't just toss it out there and hope for the best. Give it some serious thought on how you can "best" explain it to each person. Your wife will be different then your daughter and your mom. We know it is the right thing for us, but too easily you can give the impression that you are doing it just because it seems like a good idea. Your first battle will be overcoming the "must be a sexual thing" response. You may have already done some research on the various diagnosis of GID, some calling it a mental disorder, mental disease or possibly biological and in some respect a birth defect. Be prepared to offer these explanations, but don't overwelm anyone with too much information. The idea is not to shock those you tell, but to help them in their understanding. I look forward to the day that I won't have anyone left to come out to, how long that will take is still up in the air. Best wishes on your journey.

Thanks for your comments everyone, really appreciated XXX

I kinda have a pretty good plan in my head and lucy's comment “you know better than anyone else what’s best for you” does ring true but i needed a reality check. Everyones comments here are in line with what i am thinking so my confidence has been bulstered and i am now sure that my plan is the right one to follow. I am seeing my mum on monday so i will have a little chat, i'll let you know how it went.

Once again, many thanks XXX Ani.

Hi Anyfer, you're right, many of us have been there but the situation is different for all of us.

Personally I would tell however I needed to, your daughter of course, but it needs to be explained in a way that she understands and most importantly, that it does not interfere with her relationship with you. That would be my number 1 priority.

The rest doesn't really seem to be an issue as far as I am concerned, since you work for yourself that makes things easier. Is there a likelihood of losing clients/business over coming out? (Probably not but worth considering).

Friends who don't stick by you through this are not worth having anyway, so that wouldn't even enter my head.

I would come out, (and have), regardless of the GID appointment. Would their decision honestly affect how you now feel? I don't need a piece of paper or a 'professional' to tell me who I am, I know who I am!! I'm sure you do too.

Yes, you will face predujice and possibly abuse, at least verbally, but it's worth it to get that weight off of your shoulders and have no need to hide anymore.

Only you can make this choice though Anyfer, it doesn't matter what any of us think.

Good luck and best wishes.

Nikki

Hi Anyfer,
I’m a firm believer in “you know better than anyone else what’s best for you”, so I’m not going to advise you what to do as such. Instead I will tell you a bit about my own experience.
Firstly though, the lecture you were given by your seemingly “know-all” friend should be largely ignored. No-one should take the decision to transition lightly, but the suggestion that this is a fad is obviously ridiculous, and the assumption that you will face abuse and ridicule is in this day age, and at least in this part of the world, unfounded. I have had none of that; everyone I know, and everyone I have met that I didn’t know has been fine with it, supportive, interested, indifferent, but never negative. Guys who looked like drunken meat-head trouble makers in pubs have approached me and shaken my hand and asked me all about it. No abuse, no ridicule, none of that. I’m sure the situation is worse in some parts of the world, but it shouldn’t be assumed that you are entering into a living hell.
Only one person has difficulty with my transition and that’s my dad. Maybe it’s just cos he’s my dad, but if you knew him you wouldn’t be surprised that he is unable to deal with this. It’s his problem, it doesn’t really bother me, everyone else thinks he’s being a bit pathetic, enough said.
I told my mum and a couple of close friends before going to see my GP. Even with telling only people that I knew I could absolutely trust, my secret still managed to seep out, friends of friends, too much alcohol, these things have a way of getting out…
I saw my GP before telling my dad Anticipating his reaction I just wanted to show him that I was serious and was going about this the proper way. and that I meant business. Noting would have ever changed his reaction though.
My GP advised me that Charing Cross would expect me to go full time, and basically the longer I put that off the longer things would take. He referred me to a local psychiatrist, which took 2 or 3 months, and they referred me to CX, which took another 2 or 3 months to get an appointment which was a further 3 or 4 months away. It’s the NHS, it takes time. I’m glad I didn’t wait for all that before I came out. I told my dad and everyone else, changed my name and went full time within about a month. Incidentally, CX or the local psych didn’t give me a diagnosis of GID as such, it’s not something you get straight away. CX asses you over a period of two years before referring you for surgery, in which time they will send your GP a report after each visit (your GP should give you a copy if you want to see it, so should CX but their admin is terrible). These reports will probably say things like “…shows symptoms consistent with GID…” so I guess that’s the closest I’ve had to a diagnosis so far. They will write a letter for you so you can get a passport in your new gender though, that’s the only thing you will need from them as far as changing your identity is concerned. Everything else you can do for yourself without questions asked, including changing the name and gender on your driving license, which I did straight after changing my name so I had an official ID pretty soon. Changing your name by deed poll by the way, is completely free unless you want to pay a solicitor or an online company to provide the wording for you. Ask me, I will provide it for free.
I don’t think it helps anyone to accept you by waiting for some sort of diagnosis. The fact you are in the process of doing that should suffice. Of course your friend who thinks it’s a fad can eat his stupid words when you do get it!
I was ready to go full time, I just couldn’t keep going back to drab. I know I did the right thing and not a moment too soon. My health was suffering, I wasn’t happy, I was a non-person.
The hardest thing is telling those you love and worrying about hurting them, but once you’ve found the words and got them out of your mouth they can start to deal with it. It’s a shock to some people, some say they are not surprised, but all this passes and things settle down and you can get on with your life. Which is what all this is about – your life.
Live it, and be happy.
xx