She's not the man I married - Helen Boyd

    • 3 posts
    September 26, 2007 12:35 PM BST
    I just finished reading this book, "She's not the man I married" by helen Boyd. Its a follow up to her first book, My husband Betty.

    Its aimed, I think at couples who are working through transgender issues and unlike the first book, deals with mainly how Helen is dealing with the issues she's facing rather than what being trans is all about (which is covered in excellent detail in her first book). First this book will not give you answers, only questions. Some you will have heard before, probably asked yourself. Others you will probably sit up and think, actually she has a point, why didn't I think about that.

    Its not an easy read, its confusing, a mess of gender related issues and observations and lots and lots of reiterating that there are no easy answers, just lots of questions and then some!

    That is where its value lies. Helen raises the issues we face point blank and directly. What sort of women do we want to be? What is a woman? What does it mean to be female? Why does she feel guilty for fancying him? Does fancying Betty mean she's a lesbian.

    Its very personal and I found it a real insight into some of the issues and questions that my partner and I face. its also helped me look at my trans identity in a different way.

    If you read this you will need to discuss the issues its raises. You might not be in the exact same situation as Helen & Betty, few people will be, but some of the prejudices from both outside and within the relationship are the same prejudices that we all face if we're different in any way.

    I recommend you read it and have an open mind when you do.

    As an interesting aside and an example of how we get pigeon holed by society. I bought the book from Amazon, and immediately my recommendations were full of lesbian literature and dvd's! Although I have no problem with being seen as a lesbian, it makes a point from the book very well, you'll have to read the book to see what I mean. (some of the recommendations were pretty good too!)


    (I previously posted this review on a different site but as no one seemed to have posted anything I thought I'd post here too)
    • 1912 posts
    November 5, 2008 9:15 PM GMT
    I bought "My Husband Betty" a couple years before I even told my wife that I was TS. I was hoping the book would be a good introduction to my wife about transgendered. Before I planned on giving it to her I read through much of it and was too afraid to give it too my wife because of what was in the book. There is no doubt in her first book she tells it like it is and it is a real eye opener for both the TG and spouse. So in that sense I highly reccommend it. However, I would not give it to a spouse to break the news about you. As I say in my profile, it is not all fun and games, and Helen Boyd makes that clear in her book "My Husband Betty". It was several months after I came out to my wife that I gave her the book. I have yet to read the second book.
    • 2463 posts
    September 26, 2007 2:20 PM BST
    I know Helen Boyd, as I have interviewed her for our very own Tranny Tribune, and she almost contributed to my second book had other contracts not tied her up. Her first book, "My Husband Betty," has been very well recommended. I admit I haven't read her latest endeavor, and hope to do so soon.

    I have to disagree with what you said. I think the first book does a good job at examining what it means to be transgendered. Helen does not portray herself as an expert. Like you said, she makes the reader think. I tried to get my ex to read her first book, but to no avail.

  • April 27, 2012 3:07 PM BST
    I just borrowed Helen's first book, "My Husband Betty" from the library, and I've just read the Introduction and first Chapter. She's basically trying to 'tell it like it is' for her and Betty, so we'll see the good and the bad sides. I spotted this book after doing another search of the library's catalog, and plan on reading Helen's second book next.
    In the library's preview of this book, it seems that Helen's greatest fear, already expressed in the beginning of her first book, that Betty might want to 'go all the way' to becoming a woman is coming true.
    • Moderator
    • 13 posts
    July 24, 2012 2:03 PM BST
    "My Husband Betty" was one of the first books I shared with my spouse, but only after Peggy Rudd's "My Husband Wears My Clothes" broke the ice.

    I read through both first, and I though Helen's book was a bit more harsh, a bit more likely to just raise more questions, rather than put her at ease.