My girlfriend now was introduced to me by my friend. I really want to come out and tell her my hobby, but I'm really afraid she will go tell my friend. I'm sure she'll say she won't, but you know how these things are... Imagine if we break up. She will have even less incentives to keep it a secret then.

What I'm worried about is my friend hearing about it, then him telling more friends, etc. That would kill me.

What should I do? Perhaps I should wait till we're about to get married to tell her? But somehow I think that's unfair to do to someone. Telling early at least gives her a chance to leave me if she can't take it.

Samantha

I wrote aposting here where i said that we should always tell our SO's and quite rightly some people disagreed strongly - though others agreed with me. So I would say that in the end the decision is yours. However, what I have always done is to make a judgement call - is the relationship likely to be long term or not. If it is in my opinion a long term relationship I do tell the other person, if not then no I don't because it never needs to come up. How I tell whether it is long term or not..well I can't see into the future but I can kind of guess what is happening. Have I got it wrong..not on that issue. Have my partners always accepted the news with open arms..no!

Hope this helps

Susan

If you are planning on marrying her TELL HER NOW.

How far do you plan on carrying this? Are you just an occasional dresser? Do you want to be more open? Your answer to those will help guide your decision to tell anyone.

If you are an occasional dresser, and plan on keeping it quiet, just think of that one moment when you are forgetful and leave some item of feminine clothing out. As I've mentioned many times, before my ex found out about me, I thought I had some items hidden away and she found them. She thought I was having an affair. It wasn't for a few months that I finally came out.

Think about this.

Mere

I think you should tell her. If you want a relationship with her, you can't base that relationship on lies and hidden secrets. It is better for you both if you come clean sooner rather than later.

She may tell people but I wouldn't worry too much about that, my ex told everyone she knew, friends, family etc and every one of them just shrugged and said 'so what?'. People are not as bothered about it as you might think. I know each person's circumstances are different but it may not be as bad as you imagine, she might even think it is great and encourage you, have you thought about that?

Please though, if you want this relationship to go long term you must be honest with her.

Nikki

I have to go along with Nikki as well. If you see any future in this relationship, come clean.

Most of my friends did the 'Oh, ok, so what' act, and those that didn't were obviously not as good friends as I thought. Their loss.

And it could open up a whole new world...