I guess this is partly an out story, and also an advice story.... bear with me.. this could be lengthy, lol.

First off, I should explain myself... I'm a (newly) 30 year old, slightly overweight male to female crossdresser. I have been for years in varying degrees... with the clothes, the heels, and varying purges of said items now and again when I felt it wasn't safe enough to keep such items, or fearing they might have been found easily at times. I'm also 6'4", and a size 13(m)/15(w) shoe... so clothing isn't necessarily an easy thing to come by either

ok.. there's me... now there's also a wife.. amazingly enough just shy of my height, a little less weight, but close enough during varying times were we could possibly share a couple things... and we've been married 9 1/2 years currently... so we've invested a lot of time, and emotion into each other. Long story short, I had a new two piece bathing suit (never got the nerve to buy one till I found this beautiful one at a local store).. wore it one day... figured I could hide it in my desk (wifey and I have seperate computer areas, we're geeks, and don't really cross into each others areas, so I figured it was pretty safe. And, I had plans for the evening with a friend... so I just went out, and never gave my suit a second thought... boy, it would turn out to be one of the longest nights of my life.

I would also like to point out.. my wife may be a little unaverage... she, although doesn't watch them regularly, like a nice adult movie now and again, to the point of ordering them on cable PPV onec in a while... we both go to the local strip club(s) now and again, nothing regular.. but if I really want to go, she likes to go with me... and we probably have the average assortment of bedroom toys, nothing major or kinky.. but a couple here and there.. so we have a pretty healthy sexual relationship I'd like to think.

OK... back to the story... not going into great detail.. I came home well before I thought I was going to, to explain the suit. Of course, the wifey thought it was another woman, to which I tried to talk my way through saying they were mine... and showing a top and panty didn't really kick in I think, until I showed my size 15 womens 4" shiny black heels... with my feet in them. I think it really sunk in then.. but it proved I was alone in my endeavors, much better than the alternative at this point I thought.

so... she looked into it on her own.. said I shouldn't stop, although she didn't wish to see me dressed up or anything, and to keep it out of sight, at least to start... but do not stop, don't purge anything.. I was relieved.. she was saying how much she loved me, how much she wanted me to be me

so, I started an online blog, to get my outlet. wifey eventually found it.. I just wanted to give her a peek into how I was feeling... and all was fine.. I wore panties under my clothes... I don't think wifey realized how much, but never a bra or anything else when it would be found out... I would sleep in them more often than not.. and was just enjoying myself.. I guess maybe a little too much, lol.

I posted my bio pic here (the pink maid), and she actually seemed to like it, said I looked good, or more so than what she thought it would be, which I guess is still a compliment, lol... then every once in a while on the weekend, we'd have a few too many drinks, and I admit, I wore a silky nightie to bed a couple times... think that could have easily been too much now... but we were both in good moods, and I felt adventerous... please don't hound me here, I feel awfull enough already.

Anyways... this past week, I've found out wifey hasbeen thinking a lot about our "situation", and that she needs a counselor to talk with about everything.. I've totally been supportive about finding out, and I'm sure it will help out, but herein lies my delima. Do I need to find one, so show incentive? We'd been to a marriage counselor before (for reasons of her, not me.. no blame being placed.. just an explenation).. and it did help, but this is a slightly more odd prediciment...

I would love to look up "psychiatrics" in the yellow pages, and call to say, what are your thoughts on crossdressers? how about a married one, whose wife would like to have some session wtih you? I certainly couldn't handle doing that, let alone even think about asking I'm afraid... the wifey said she would look as well, but it seems like she's leaving it to me to get the ball started... and I'm scared..

I don't know how to handle this task... I'm trying to be positive, and say this isn't a negative action by her... I know this isn't going to be a "normal" relationship ever, ever again... and I do want to do whatever I can to make it easier on my better half... but I don't think I should have to do everything.. a majority might be nice.. but she's always the one to find the doctor, the previous counselor... etc, I'm just not good at that sort of thing... though I'm willing to give it a go as much as I can.. it's not from a lack of wanting to try... just the whole situation can be a little overwhelming, on both sides I guess.

Anwyays, to stop this from getting any longer.. and being afraid not many will read something this long anyays.. I'm open to any comments, supportive, constructive.. anything in the way of assistance for help on finding someone we can both confide in.. as I kind of doubt our families would be as open as we have been thus far...

*sighs* either way, even good wishes of luck I would appriciate... oh, and "hello" everyone Kylie's here

Hi kylie your not along in this situation I was once to but instead of going to a consuler I let her tell a good friend of hers, This was a much more conveniant way of doing it (and a lot cheaper lol) this was good as she could talk to her at any time and it was FREE!!!! this is a good option if you are willing to let your wife tell someone but make sure it's someone you BOTH! trust as you dont want the whole town knowing (or do you!!) any way best of luck with it all.
xxxooo Renee'.

This is what we're here for, Kylie. We're here to offer support and advice, so don't feel bad.

Personally, a counselor sounds like a great idea. They're often very knowledgeable, open minded, and well versed in a multitude of situations.

More than likely if you were to call up a counselor I don't think they'd even flinch if you told them the situation granted that they've dealt with marriage and more importantly gender issues.

Just plan out what you want to say on the phone and write it down. It will help. Just state your situation in simple terms. "We are a married couple of 9 1/2 years. My crossdressing habit has brought up an interesting situation between us and we would like your counseling to assist us in working this out." Thats a possible way to do it.

If you are tight on money, Renee's idea would be a good one as well providing that you have a friend that both of you trust and are willing to let in on your secret, as Renee pointed out.

Whatever you do, keep us updated! I hope all goes well for you.

<3 Angelyn

Thank you for the suggestions.. I guess I never thought about a friend of hers.. I don't think it would work for a full time solution... but maybe it could cut a counselors visit in half, which would still be a good thing

I hope I can work up the nerve today to make a few phone calls... *sighs*

I'll update when I can.. thank you for the warm welcome by several people here so far, it's been very nice.

Hi Kylie

Just read your posts and wondered how you were getting on. I agree it must be very daunting for you. But from your wife's point of view, she probably really does need to talk things through with someone else. Do bear in mind that you've lived with your tranny self for ever, but it's a new issue for your wife and it is quite a shock for her. I found out that my husband cross-dressed after nearly 21 years together. Now that I know I'm happily readjusting to our new situation and would say that it has had a positive effect on our relationship - but it was still a shock and I still needed to talk about it (and I'm sure will continue to do so, off and on). Very best of luck; I really do hope that things work out well for you. Love, Lizzie

I told wife and got the walking papers. good thing 2 i looked better in size 7 than 18.
Ronda

Kylie, you might want to take some time to browse the 'coming out' forum, which gives a lot of the girls stories in there, some with happy endings, some not, but it might be useful to see how other people handled it before you jump too far in. Just a thought.

Nikki