Hi everyone! I been alone in this for so long. When I moved out of the house at 18 I couldn't wait to the explore the other side of me that had been aching to be set free. Days after I moved into my apartment I did my make up and put on the cutest little outfit I had picked up under the guise of shopping for my girlfriend. I looked in the mirror afterwards and was astonished at what I seen. A beautiful young woman staring back at me.

Time passed on and I continued, straight cut male outside the house and princess inside. I had a girlfriend and occasional flings with guys. Sadly they were "straight" and unable to reciprocate, only wanting to use this girl in front of them to pleasure themselves. I guess the freak factor turned them on way more than normal women.

Time went on and I married my now wife, and had two wonderful children with her. I had long told her that I was bi, but assured her that I believed in love, and she would be my only.

Last night I told her the rest of the story. That I was a past crossdresser, and beautiful at that. I asked her to help me apply make up, that I wanted her to be a part of my life, no secrets and such. She did. We laughed and I felt we had fun together, but after she made me up, I felt her immediately shut down. She said I should seek therapy because I was obviously sick. Men are supposed to be macho and I could quit at will. I know she can never be involved in this again.

Once again I felt alone, like I had for so many years.

My marriage is fine I suppose, as long as I don't act like a "sissy" around her. I just don't know how I will look at the mirror for the rest of my life, seeing the wrong face staring back at me.

Sorry If I brought anyone down. I'm usually much happier!

P.S. The picture for my profile is from last night. Not quite as pretty as when I was a young fresh 18 year old, but I still felt pretty. lol

I don't care what the neighbors are saying, you look fine to me so go out there and take on the world dear! Ellen S

Jane,

Being new here myself I can certainly understand you're being alone but I think you've come to the right place. While I've been here just a few days it has helped me immensely. I've been dressing in part for a long time but until I found this site I had never discussed it nor told anyone. Now I've made my first girlfriends of my life and find myself just chatting away...lol. It really is quite liberating. While I keep taking small steps, I feel my hips sway a little more with each one I take.

Hugs and smiles,
Rochelle

Thanks so much for the warm welcome everyone!

I was really in such a state of sadness when a joined the other day. This really has been a part of my life as I have sincerely always been more in touch with my female side than my male. You could say most of all the normal "guy" things I did growing up were truly to ease all the pressure of society and homelife that surrounded me. My parents were not the understanding type, being so devoted to religion. My friends would have never been my friends had they known. A girlfriend was maintained as a symbol of ones budding manhood, and a TS/TV was not even seen in the community much less around, though they too would have been offended.

I remember being 12 or 13 and I put on mom's make-up, but being so young I did not know how to take it off. When my dad got home, the leather of his belt became so closely aquainted to my own rear end. I never did it again till I was 18. I did however were moms clothes, unfortunately she was a lot bigger woman than I was and everything just seems so hilarious now, but it's not. (Well still a little.)

When I joined the site , I said I was a crossdresser, but upon thinking of it I am so much more. I am a woman. Maybe thats why some said the way I moved was so effeminate. The things that I did, so "girly". The reason everyone knew to come to me with their own personal problems, a deeply hidden motherly warmth ready to comfort them.

But alas, my life took a different direction. I feel compelled to stay with my wife, I do love her after all. It would kill my heart to know that I would break hers. I will remain hidden, I will not opt to be reassigned or even seek it out. I will not start my life over this late in the game. My happiness will be living through hers. My desires sacrificed for her and my family. I will "cry it out" when no one is around. I will dress and look in the mirror at what I should have been only to put it all away and continue the life everyone I know expects me to live.

I just really need to be with you, people much like myself, and feel the kindness of those that not only don't judge, but also understand and have been there.

I already love all of you for having the courage and the strength to be here.

(bit of a drama queen, huh? lol, I know)

Jane

Hi Jayne and welcome to TW. Please don't feel that you have brought the mood down by telling your story here, on the contrary, it is a very healthy thing to do. It's good to get it all out sometimes and besides, we now know a little about you which is always nice.

I'm sorry if things don't appear to be on your side with your wife at the moment but don't discount it yet. Remember that you have had many years to come to terms with your female side, and you can't expect your wife to accept it overnight. Give her time and move at her pace and you might be pleasantly suprised. I went from having a partner who couldn't deal with it, to one who embraced it in the end and our relationship became stronger through it all.

I hope you have as much success.

Nikki

One sees this topic in so many different threads, My partner does not undertand me? And encounters it in every day tranny life.
Partners being drip fed snippets of information, inuendos and subtle hints.

You already confided in her that you were bi.??? Was that before you married? Now you tell her you like to dress, She helped you make up and dress, she then looked at you and probably wondered how many more secrets you had to come out with,

You will probably have to start reasuring her all over again, That she will be the only one and your not what a lot of peoples conception of a Transvestite is, man in drag seeks man for shag, Especially after already admitting your bi. Now she is probably anxious that this is not going to go further, progressing to mones and transitioning fully,

During my transitioning I sought out sex with men to establish in my own mind I was desirable as a woman. So I'm not condeming you, who am I to judge, Just try to understand her anxieties and forbodings. She married you as a man,
Bore your children, she sees you as a father. No suprise realy if suddenly she starts to go cold.

Anyway good luck.realy feel for you both.