Hi everyone, i am a 32 year old male and i am confused about my gender. All my adult life since the age of about 12 ive had fantasys about being a woman or growing breasts, and i started dressing in female clothes at about the same time. By the time i was 18 i believed i was transexual, so i plucked up the courage and told a doctor. He then referd me to a phychiatrist. After a conseltation with him i was then referd to a gender phychiatrist, im not sure of there profesional title sorry. I had one conseltation with him and was asked to write a journal of my life and when i first realised i was transexual i then had to return in 6 months. I was so confused at this time in my life, i hadent even had a relationship with a woman at this time and to be honest i wasent unhappy as a man, so i never returned for my appointment. I then tried to put it behind me and be the best man i could be. I had some long term relationships over the last 12years and i have 1 child, but i split from my partner last September and have been single since. But the problem is my gender problem has not gone away if anything it has got worse, i like being a man but i have strong urges to have breasts and wear female clothes and i fantasize about being a female all the time, im also starting to fantasize about sex with men and feel i need to explore this but i am not attracted to men as such, just sexually. I have no transgender friends or anyone to be honest that i could confide in for help i am alone with this, and i would love to talk with people who maybe understand anything im going through, as im so lonely and confused and i need to know who i am. I hope i havent bored you all im sorry its so long but this is the short version trust me lol. Its nice to meet you all, thanks. xxx

Roxanne
Glad you found TW.
Have you read through the Forums? In particular I'd refer you to Tranny Psychology - there is a wealth of information there
hugs
Gracie

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the warm welcome, i have to start by saying i dont know where to start or what to ask, my heads all over the place. And i am very nervous about all of this, im in a bad way at the moment as i have such strong urges to start to explore my feelings towards being a woman at the moment but i dont know how to do it, i have no where private to dress and i dont really have any female clothes or makeup, i would also love to meet people like my self or just people who understand but i dont know where or how to do any of this, can anybody give me any advice or suggestions please as i am just lost. Thank you all for being so lovely and friendly. xxx

Hi Roxanne,
I went through alot of the same things you describe of yourself. What helped me most is to accept and love myself for who I am. Once that began to grow in me, then I could grow in confidence of just doing simple things like shopping for my girl clothes. After that I crossed bridges of admitting who I was to those around me, slowly of course, over a matter of more than a decade - and I'm still not done.

Take your time, grow at your own rate in ways that will fit your situation. We don't know your life - we can only relate to you in ways others can't, and each of has our own experiences and goals.

It sounds like there's so much for you to learn yet in so many areas. Don't push yourself too hard by trying to play 'catch-up'. Some you might meet or chat with have been doing this for years and are very good at all they do. Others are at different stages.

Above all, be yoruself.

ann

Hi Ann, thank you for your advice. I am at a crossroads at the moment and i feel now is the time for me to discover who i really am, i just dont know how to do it. I would say i am a coward because thats how i feel about myself and have done for along time, i cant even pluck up the courage to shop for myself and buy female clothes, i have done in the past but it was always a quick grab and hope it fits lol. I have always tried to be as manly as possible just to hide the fact that i want to be more feminine, and i dont want to do that any more. I want to shop with girlfriends and try clothes on and do my nails, and be myself without having to live a lie and worry that i will be discoverd. I want to learn to do makeup and just be myself thats all i want. But sadly society is a unforgiving place most of the time and if my friends knew any of this i would be treated very badly. I so want to meet and make new friends with people who understand me and except me for who i am. Thankyou all for making me feel welcome and giving me advice and i hope we can talk again soon. I really want to post a photo as you all deserve to see who i am but i am very male with a goetee and shorthair and i am worried someone will stumble across this website and see me on here. I am a coward. But if anyone wants to see me i will email a photo or in time if we become friends you may look at my facebook account, to give you an incite into how ive lived my life and how ive hiden my true self for so long, Thanks again to all you lovely people. xxx

Roxanne,
At times I've been just as scared as you say you are. I tried underdressing (girl clothes under my boy clothes) for a while but felt like I was lying. (I got pretty good at the underdressing, like wearing tie-dye or patterned t-shirts to camoflage the straps, for example.) But finally one day I decided to go 100% female in public. Only once so far have I had someone mock me - I could only feel sorry for their family in thinking about what the guy said. I've found that being totally honest and open has been more beneficial. Some people see me and light up give me a big smile (usually women), while a few get away from me as fast as they can. Guys just look a bit uncomfortable in general, but it's usually the older ones I'm concerned about. The young people around here are all growing up accepting whatever people dress in.

I went through the Choices seminar, run by Thelma Box. It is her version of the Pathways seminar she designed and ran some years ago along with Dr. Phil and his father Joe. Dr. Phil is now a popular TV Psychologist here in the USA, and he has shown excerpts from his version of the seminar on his show. Yes, it is intense. But one of the games we went through at Choices was where we got into small groups of 8-10 people, and they were people we had never met before, on purpose. We were each given a moment to be in the center, and each other person was to describe their first impressions of that person on the 'hot seat'. Amazingly, 90% of the people see right through a person's facades. So applying that to your own life, no matter how much you try to hide by being macho, people can still see through it to the real you. Maybe your friends can't so well, because they know you and are relating more to the facades, but the general public isn't so easily fooled.

Another offshoot of that is, if we're working so hard to maintain these facades, and people can see right through them, for the most part, then who are we fooling? It's better just to experiment and dig around in our souls and find out who we really are. That's the jewel inside that the world needs to see.

One thing I found is that my confidence level has gone way higher since being 100% genuine, in other words dressing 100% female in public makes me so much more confident that people don't even seem to notice my clothing anymore.

I've had to go through this all on my own. I don't have any friends to go shopping with, and I've not been to a gathering of CD/TS/TV people. I sure wish I could have in some ways, but doing it on my own has helped me find out who *I* am, so I'm not just copying someone else's idea of how to live.

You'll do well in the long run - just don't give up! What you have inside of you is a beautiful jewel to be shown to the world!

Hugs!
Ann

Hi everyone, thank you all for you replys and advice and for making me feel welcome. I have decided to go for this now, i have waited too long, and my desires to be a woman are stronger than ever, i am wanting to start my change or atleast make sure that this change is truely what i want, i dont like putting too much info about myself onto the forum as i fear that someone i know will see it and put things together, im not ready for that yet. But i have to say that if it wasent for this forum i wouldent even be attempting to do this. But i have seen the strength all of you have shown in becoming your true selfs, and that is something i admire and respect and you have all shown me how i want to be. Thanks everyone. xxxx
P.S I have posted on the hormone forum, so any help there would be fantastic. xxx

Hi Roxanne, welcome to TW. You are not alone in the feelings that you are experiencing. I too am feeling much of the same things as you are. I wish you the best of luck in sorting out your emotions and where you are headed. You always will have the rest of us here to rely on for help.

Hi Roxanne,
better late than never I hope with my reply to your post.
I just wanted to let you know that though we are all different and come to this from our unique experiences , I
can empathise with the anxious and confused feelings that you have experienced .
I think that by being able to articulate those feelings to a sympathetic group is a really good thing to do and is
a step in the direction of self-acceptance and understanding. for me , just recently opening up to my own feelings towards cross-dressing here at TW and the support that
that was shown by other members in response has made me feel a whole lot better about things on the whole. Sure , I still question whether my desire to sometimes slip into
something pink frilly and silky makes me a genuine cross-dresser , whether I am really just a man fetishising femininity and getting off that , but well sometimes i think
well , hey , it could be worse! -
Like I said we are all here exploring , nurturing? our own unique selves and I just wanted to say I can empathise with you. of course we also have responsibilities to loved ones and for me this is where the dilema might be. I hope to work it out, and I wish you well in your journey too.
hugs
Suzi

Hiya Roxanne,
Welcome to TW!!! No doubt you are feeling the full brunt of the affects of gender dsyphoria lol, its very confusing at the start when it comes to the fore of your life, as many will relate to. for me, when I realised it is just a matter of making myself content with my inner identity the only ture important factors are listening to your heart and creating a life where your are balanced, centred and with inner peace. I would say it took me about a year to work everything out and settle my mind so try to find some solace that you will get there in the end.

The only other thing I will say, which i find is quite important, is try not to fall into the trap of the rat race, ie, whose got the biggest tits, whose the most attractive, whose the most out and full time etc. its important to do your own thing at your own pace. although its good to listen to others experiences and their advice, it is always from their perspective and their desires and in some cases for their own gratification, so might not be the advice you need and might not be right for you, which might also include what im saying now lol. only you can decide what is right for you.

im sure if you deal with your gender dsyphoria with a sensible and balanced approach you will be successful in whatever you pursue and with few self created problems. the best thing to remember is that we live in a free society where we have the freedom to be who we are, wilst showing all due respect to everyone else as well. so if anyone tries to judge you to be anything, or if anyone judges you because of who they think you are, just tell em to bugger off lol (erm, not literally, but ya get my point lol).

All the best.
Penny
xxx

Hi Roxanne, I'm new here myself and wanted to say hi to you. What you describe was a very accurate explaination of how alot of us have felt I believe. I too am like you. I think you have had some excellent advice here from the other girls. Thank you all for the input!! It has helped me also. Just remember as the song goes "Learning to Love Yourself, Is the Greatest Love of All"

Hang in there and I hope to make your acquaintance. Jessica

Hi Roxanne & welcome. You are definetly in the right place to make friends hon, so just kick your heels off & take it easy.


Lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Anna-Marie

Hi Roxanne
Hun you can't be any more confusd than I was when I found this place. Like you I started thinking about what it would be like if I were a girl at a very early age. I also grew up with no one to talk to. Our lives as well as the lives of so many here mirror each other very well. That's way this site can help so much. We're about growth, community, frendship, & evan fun. Yes you can have fun with it. You might evan learn to like being TG.

Good luck!!!

Hey Roxanne, as ever I'm a little late into the fray...

First up, welcome to TW, you WILL find every person at every level with every degree of knowledge here. So at least you're in the right place to help yourself.

Next up, reading this thread I just could'nt help thinking of The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy and its heartening advice ... DON'T PANIC. Just keep those two little words close to your chest and you'll be fine!

Ann Carpenter is absolutely spot on. Follow that girls advice, keep it slow and steady. In fact, I'd suggest you just take a deep breath - and forget about anything TG / TS / TV / CD or whatever for a week or two. Have nothing to do with it and just be you. [Except TW of course]. Relax and you may surprise yourself.

So you're a 'coward'? Who of us have'nt been at some stage??? I know I have! You can't shop for yourself? Ok, shop for 'someone else'. If you take a breather, spend that time convincing yourself that your female best friends birthday is coming up. She really wants a new pair of knickers or a camisole top. You really want to buy 'her' that present. Now go and shop...

You think you over compensated on the manliness? I think you'll find many of us do / have done. For myself I even spent a short time in the British Army as a Military Policeman. Yeesh, how did THAT come about???

Worried about 'macho' friends etc? Sometimes they can surprise you. I think it's your own character and personality that counts. [So far] I have lost no friends. Even those from my MP days - who I have'nt seen for decades but they got in contact via facebook etc - have said 'no worries Ray / Rae you were always a good person, no problem. You are who you are' etc.

Sometimes, the biggest barriers we face are self built. [That does'nt mean to say there are no problems out there!]

Good luck, feel free to stay in touch and I hope you bring your fears and mind under control. You know you can.

Much love

Rae

Roxanne,
Since you are just a hop, skip and a jump from Manchester, why don't you consider the full immersion approach.

http://www.sparkle.org.uk/

"A weekend festival of all things transgender, with live entertainment on the Sparkle stage, meals, clubs, information/support and so much more."....July 10-12, 2009. A little reality therapy. Down by the canal the ratio of TG to CG (cisgendered) people will be reversed, with thousands of TG persons on the street. It will help you put things in perspective; to see you are definitely not alone....and TW will be there. A chance to meet some of the TW girls and guys and you don't even have to be en femme. Of course, the odds are that some of the girls will drag you off shopping with them and have you girlified by Sunday, lol, but only if you want to. Even if you just wander the streets you will know you are part of a large community.

Anyway, welcome to TW. We're a bit like HOTEL CALIFORNIA.....some of us never leave.

Hi Roxanne

Time for the reality check.

Before you go any further into daydreaming about being a woman you need to rmember you are in UK and these days there is a lot of help available starting right at your doctors.
Go there tomorrow...sit down with any of them you like...either male or female and just say you need to sort out if you really are a wmoan trapped in a man's body.
And tell them..don't ask!..tell them to refer you to a gender clinic. Waiting times for clinics were horrendous in the past...almost 3 years myself but same clinic now see in 4 weeks!.
Then just follow the system along and hopefully in a few months (all our UK holidays make scheduling appoints a nightmare) you will spend an hour with someone who will tell you what you are and what your way forward is.
The future might not be as a woman but at least you will know what's what.

Rose