Hi everyone, most of you here probably don't know me. I joined this site some time ago and after a short period of just a couple of posts failed to make an appearance here for about three months. Although I have not been active here I have been a regular poster on two other cd sites and this occupies a great deal of my time.
My history of crossdressing goes back to around the age of five and I am 61 now. During all these years of dressing I always kept it to myself and was very deep in the closet. That all changed about one year ago. At this time I decided to leave the closet and come out and make known this part of me to others. I have no regrets in doing this and I have progressed to being very open about my cd'ing and go out in public dressed quite often. I am out to all of my relatives and family and although we never disscuss my crossdressing I feel they are accepting of it in a passive way. I have joined four cd/tg support groups and attend a meeting almost every weekend so I am very active in the local tg community.
I feel that I have progressed very rapidly in a short period of time and the ease at which I have accomplished this has me concerned. When I came out my intention was only to enjoy my cd side by interacting with others that also shared the joy and satisfaction of crossdressing. However I now have feelings that the crossdressing is just not enough anymore. I am not even sure what I mean when I say this but I know that it is time for my life to take on a new direction. I feel as though I am standing at a crossroads and I must make the decision as to which path to choose to go down at this time.
I never thought that I would find myself in this situation and it has me very concerned about how to advance from here. I feel very confused and scared at this time. I desperately feel the need to talk to someone about this and am considering seeing a therapist that specialises in gender identity disorders. The only thing I am sure of is that I know it is time for me to end a lifetime of suppressing who I feel I really am on the inside. I have always known that I do fall under the umbrella term of transgendered but I never thought of myself as being transsexual. These new feelings I am experiencing has made me very confused.
I value and appreciate all the knowledge that all of my sisters here possess in these matters. If anyone cares to comment on what I have said here or has any advice to offer me I would be more than willing to listen to what you have to say. I guess my intention in writing this is to reach out and seek the guidance from others who are willing to help me.
Thanks for reading this exceedingly long post and I want everyone here to know how much I appreciate having a place such as this where I can come to and voice the concerns that I am having. Susan

Hi Susan,
Let's start with there is nothing written in stone that says a transsexual must transition. I think each of us seeks and hopefully eventually finds our comfort zone. Talking with a therapist would be a good place to start. Some of the questions you may want to ask yourself are, do you like being able to be a guy at times or how do you really see this changing your life? The bottom line is you want to be happy. You may want to consider how this may effect your work or family and friends, for me my family means everything and I was able to transition with my entire family supporting me. No matter what, don't rush answering these questions or doing anything for that matter. You did not miss out on 60yrs of your life, you just lived them different then you may wish you had. Transitioning doesn't have to be tough but so often we cause our own troubles along the way because we want instant gratification. It takes time to transition, don't rush it if you choose to follow that path.
Best Wishes,
Marsha

Marsha and Wendy, thank you very much for responding to my post. Your comments are very much appreciated.

Thank you Stephanie. I am still as confused as ever but am searching for a therapist to help me sort out all of the thoughts that are going through my head.

Hi Susan-
I have been very actively cross-dressing even longer than you, and I have frequently asked myself whether I want to transition. On these occasions, I have found it quite useful do so some serious, analytical thinking with a serious dose of a reality check. I always conclude that I want to be as feminine as I can be and as often as I can. I devote careful thought to characterizing where I really am at each of these points. A typical evaluation of the past several years is that I want to dress to the “nines” all of the time; I conclude that I will dress as a male as little as possible, but this is a lot of time since I have a spouse who is not accepting who I care for dearly; I am exceedingly pleased with the sexual pleasures of being a female and do not see any benefit in transitioning in this sense; I cannot imagine any greater feelings than the ones I now have; it is totally unobvious to me why some girls would want to dress as a female and to be as feminine as possible without enjoying their female sexual side.

After each evaluation period over many years, I have moved very slowly in making additional feminine progress. I then enjoy each period and when the next reality check comes, I ask how fulfilled I have felt as a female. At this stage I conclude that I am exceedingly joyful about life and have found my place without any further changes. Hence, my best advice is to be certain that you know thy self, and make incremental decisions about being who you want to be. For me, conversations with my self were far more useful than the counselor that I talked to several years ago. If you are different, it may be wise to talk to a professional until you can become convinced that analyzing yourself is realistic. Finally, all of us here are different, and different conclusions should be reached as we talk to ourselves or others.

With my best thoughts and Hugs.

Jacqueline

Hi SUsan

Just so you know. I have never had any doubts about who or what I am.
Having said that, I have not had surgery before because of how the DOCTORS treated me. Now I may be to old [even though I am a little younger then you LOL] and broke to do anything about it.

Having said that. If I can "pass" well enough then maybe that is all I can hope for, but even that would be a great improvement over my life as it was.


Definitely find a good therapist and talk it out though. In time you may find you are TS but are happy as you are. That is not a crime either by the way.


There is nothing wrong with being happy as you are.


Stephenie

Susan,
It's not uncommon to be unsure whether you have opened up something that was long buried or if, instead, you are simply so happy at living what you had to hide all your life that you feel you must actually be transsexual. Marsha's recommendations are well founded and a gender therapist may help you sort out your feelings and find what they mean to you. As Marsha, alluded, not all of us failed to make some of the journey to the Male Side of gender. You may not fit in a "box" and may be "inter-gendered" (as opposed to intersexed). In this case SRS or even HRT may not be for you. You need to be sure to find YOUR choice of lifestyle and not choose M or F. Just be happy. The time for meeting the needs of outsiders is over. Meet your needs.