H'lo, loves--

Little Miss Mercury is going to a family reunion. Normally, this is no big deal; I see family several times a year and often go as slightly feminine or androgynous.

This time, however, The Momma is paying for the SO and my food, as well as all of us family/spouses hotels, in Kona. (If she wasn't covering our food, we couldn't go--I am still somewhat unemployed/underemployed.)

The question is about nail polish. Specifically, toenail polish.

Do I wear the nice light shade of pink I normally wear, which is nice, light, but somewhat reflective and a bit obvious?

Or do I just use a clear coat, which is much less obvious? We will be going to beaches, etc. (Come on, kids--this IS Hawai'i, after all, and I am a water child.)

My one sis knows about Mina, but the rest of the family has no clue. And since we are coming up on the one year anniversary of the loss of Daddy, I don't want to push it. If we were just all gathering at my girlhood home, this wouldn't be an issue, as I normally wear socks around the house. (We all park our shoes in the entryway, Japanese-style. We have since I was a very little girl.) So you understand the problem a bit better now, hmm? I'll be in zoris all week, except for meals, the trip to the Keck Observatory, and the trip to see volcanoes.

Trouble is the last thing I need--or want.

I need input by Friday morning, as that's when I have a manicure, a pedicure, and an eyebrow job scheduled. (I do it myself and save.)

Thanks to all--

Luv 'n hugs,

Mina

Hi Mina, I think you need to respect the family and occasion. This is about the kids being with mom. Therefore I believe you need to play it safe with clear. I also believe strongly that you don't want to spring this on a group, it makes it too easy for them to take sides against you. My preference on that has always been one on one. Have fun, the pink polish will be there when you get home.
Hugs,
Marsha

Hi MIna,
I would also respect the family event, since only one of your family members knows you as Mina.
Clear polish or just a high buff and of course a steady diet of Mai Tai's on a beach.
If your coming though San Francisco, you could stop by and spend a couple of "girl days" ,
shopping, pampering etc. to make up for having to compromise.

Would love to be a guide if I'm in town.

Hugz,
Michelle Lynn

Mina,
I am siding with the group, play it safe. Even so, people will notice things, but will just be polite and not say anything...or maybe they are afraid of the answer. In my case, after my hair was removed from my arms and my eye brows shaped, and with other changes, nobody said anything, especially if they had not seen me in a while.
Until one day someone made a comment and I just replied, you have to ask the question to get the answer....that stopped them cold. The only response was, they were not sure, if they were ready for the answer....so that was that. Did they have the answer in there mind..oh yes....they were just playing it safe also.
Take care and enjoy the vacation time with family, and be safe, we all know what can develop from our most loved ones.
Huggs...Tammy

Hi Mina,
"Trouble is the last thing I need--or want."
I believe you answered your own question. I have to agree with the others. The eyebrows, pedicure, manicure, are all signs of something being "different". Buff and shine your nails. You can do that without the clear polish and it still looks good. My experience has been polish, even clear, attracts a bit of attention, whereas a good buff and shine doesn't and is more easily explained away. Considering what you don't want to happen, like Rose suggested, going male is the safest bet.

Mina, sweety
I've reread your post and I think you have answered your own question.
Better COOL IT!
No point being the center of attention
and you might get sacrificed into one of those volcanos.
hugs
Gracie

Ladies--

Your answers were overwhelming! Arigato, arigato, ARIGATOGOZAIMASU!!! (Many thanks!)

The following may be too much information. Tough. I have nothing to hide from you here.

The rest of the story:

As I thought over the original question--which was to use pink polish or none at all--it occurred to me to throw in the clear-coat, which I have used on my fingernails for a number of years. I have been spotted with this as recently as two weeks ago, when I went home to take care of The Momma. In fact, clear makeup was my friend while I was working in Indiana. So I actually altered the question from its original form.

So why bother asking the question at all?

Well, for starters, input. (As we say out here...“duh.”) You are all sharp ladies, and I value your input. You gave me an awful lot to think over, and on more than just using nail polish.

The other half was a gage. Yes, I still have to be careful. Yes, I still need to watch what I do, and when I do it. No, I’m not all out to my family--except my one sis, who is married to her longtime girlfriend. My other sis has no children save a 26 year old stepson, who is not joining us. (We personally have no kids--just cats.) I believe in avoiding trouble.

I also believe in being true to myself. And part of that is acknowledging my womanhood, potential trouble or not. Every TS goes through this at some point or another; and I am to the point where I can only hide or disguise so much.

Consider this: I have very limited male clothing, most of which is dress clothing. In point of fact, the only male clothing I have for a trip like this are some aloha shirts, and one that I am taking is an aloha blouse. Which is funny in a way, because it came from Daddy’s closet and was his size. It’s a blouse or ladies’ shirt, because it buttons opposite of all the other shirts from his closet. (See? I come by this honestly--he was an Avon Lady while The Momma was ill, and now I’m a Kelly Girl.) I live as a woman so much now that my family is used to seeing me as a mostly androgynous type, anyway. (And I suspect The Momma knows more than she lets on.) They know, for example, that I buy and wear women’s pants. (They fit me better than men’s pants do, especially in the legs and buns.)

In addition, I have been using an epilator for years, except on my forearms and nether regions. I think that’ll stand out too...no body hair. I’ll be in shorts most of the week; August in Hawai’i can be warm.

With all that in mind, I am going “back” to clear-coat on both sets of nails, doing the thatch job on my eyebrows, and will leave my wig, boob inserts, and makeup kit at home--save for some clear lipstick and clear mascara. (I have no choice in underwear or socks, though. All I have are panties; I haven’t had a set of men’s underwear in a number of years now. The same can be said for socks.) I had wanted to get some pictures fully dressed while there; but that's a chance I am now not willing to take, based on your answers. I’m also still deciding on jewelry. (My family has seen a number of my sliders, though I will probably only wear shells all week....)

You all gave me much more to consider than you know. And again, I thank you for your input.

I’ll let you all know how it goes.

Luv ‘n hugs,

Mina

Michelle--

I grew up in Concord, sweetie--I'd love to come visit, next time I'm home--which'll be in a few weeks. I'll e-mail details.

Luv 'n hugs,

Mina

Hi again--

I literally just got an e-mail from Big Sis. (She's the lesbian, married to her partner, and knows me as Mina.)

I won't waste bandwidth, but she asked me--as a favor, mind you--to go as drab as possible. Just for this trip. No polish, no makeup, and use as much male clothing as I can scrape up in 4 hours at thrift stores.

Based on your answers, I am not going to refuse her. Some things can't change--body hair, for example--but I have found a few things at some thrift stores, and a pack of guy undergotchies and socks are cheap at Walmart. (I probably should have some around.)

I'll forego the eyebrows, pull the polish, and clip my nails in an hour or so.

Arigatogozaimasu again, luvs--

Mina

Hi Mina,
IN your heart, you and your sis know the real situation. I would thank her for being so understanding. Hopefully, you can spend some time with her while you are there. In any event have a great vacation.

Hugz,
Michelle Lynn

Hi Mina,
I'm actually glad that your sister contacted you, considering your earlier concerns. Your final decision may really be for the best. I, and I'm sure the others, all understand how much you'd like to go and be yourself, or at least reveal some part of your true self. It's difficult not to when there's a woman inside clawing and scratching to get out...
I hope you enjoy your vacation. Hugs.

The final results:

After a lengthy phone call with sis, and finding out her reticence was based on her (lesbian) partner's unease, I opted for mostly girl stuff anyway, mostly due to being partially unemployed. Why buy stuff you're not gonna wear?

With my eyebrows thatched, a clear-coat on hands and toes (but trimmed nails, sadly), and mostly girl clothing (I do have a number of Daddy's aloha shirts), nobody noticed or cared. (And if they did, didn't say a word to me about it.) And as it turned out, we didn't spend enough time on beaches to make a difference, there is so much to do on the big island that I was in cute little ped socks, girl shorts and shoes, and whatever loud, comfy shirts I could get most of the time.

So in a sense, I was able to keep the family peace, and still be true to myself.

A quick final thought: One of the shirts I took of Daddy's had an exact match on The Momma's side. Turns out she had washed them and hung them up in the wrong spots. I traded her the one back, as hers fit her better than Daddy's would have. (And when she passes--goddess willing, not too soon--I'll get it back, I am sure.)

Luv, hugs, and thanks for all the well wishes and input you all gave me--

Mina

Hi Mina, looks like it all worked out well. I am very happy for you! It's always so nice when the family is cooperative and understanding. Hugs.

Well I dunno why you need to ask. Unless you want to out yourself you shouldn't wear any at all.
Most girls, at least in my experience, will spot even clear nail varnish.
Nail varnish on toenails is one step beyond being androgynous, it is proactively being feminine.
xx

Hi Mina
the female family members right from youngest child will spot anything feminine so unless you're planning on spring 'I'm changing sex!' on them at dinner it might be best to go in male...even then if they haven't seen you for a while they may spot things...but have fun...

Hi Mina, I have to say I agree with the others, if you don't want trouble then don't go dressed for it. Maybe an appropriate time to let everyone know will appear in the future but I don't think this is the right one. I don't think you do either, otherwise you wouldn't be asking us. You know what you want to do but it's in conflict with what you should do.

Nikki

GUESS WHO IS COMING OUT AT DINNER. Should make a GREAT movie, hon. Lose the polish or come Out....wear either and the choice will not be yours.

I think you're very understanding to put yourself last in order to keep the peace within the family Mina, it would be all too easy to say, 'to hell with it, I'll dress as I want'. This demonstrates a selfless nature or as Kirk would say............

'the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.'

Sorry about that, waaay too geeky! lol

I hope you have fun Mina.

Nikki

One person's need for oxygen can outweigh the needs of many to watch a baseball game on television.

To quote another SF source. "Men are not potatoes" (Except for those occupying couches.) If this was an "all or nothing" scenario, I would say "go for it, girl" but it's one family event with serious issues involved. Another time would be better. I'm glad the pressure was lifted from your shoulders, tomodachi.