Hi everyone, i am a 30 year old male and i must admit to being a little nervous about posting here as im not sure where i fit in the scheme of things. Ill start by telling you my situation, about 3 years ago i was involved in a car crash with a drunk driver i suffered major injury to my genital area and left leg, i ended up losing both my testicles and ended up spending 7 weeks in hospital. Due to a medical problem i was unable to take a testosterone supplement and i have developed many female characteristics over the last 3 years. I have had major problems and have received alot of counciling and support from the nhs but it has been very difficult for me loosing my masculinity and i have lost alot since the accident.
But i am now ready to start a new life for myself, i have excepted my body and i am considering living as a woman full time. Im here to meet new friends and hopefully some support as i still dont know where i belong yet or who i am, i look forward to hopefully speaking with you all and i hope im in the right place. Thank you for your time. x

Hiya Dannie,

Welcome to trannyweb. I wish you all the best in dealing with your situation. Thankfully, we live in a society where we can be whoever we want and most here strive to be just themselves. In knowing that everyone is equally protected by law from discrimination you can be who you naturally are, meaning you dont need to try to be something you are not for somebody elses sake, the only thing you really need to achieve is a happy and content life, and I wish you all the best in that too!in however you feel is right for you.

Love
Penny
x

Hi Dannie, you are certainly welcome here. I'm really sorry to hear about your ordeal and can understand how this has turned your life upside down. I think Penny really said things well, "you can be who you naturally are." My concern is you have been unintentionally thrust into the position of having your "manliness" put into question and because of that you are considering finishing what was started in the accident and removing all traits of being male and instead, living as a female. I worry you want to be a woman in hopes that life will be better than your current situation, but in reality there is nothing to guarantee any of that. I don't think the development of women's features makes someone a woman, instead, being a woman comes from the soul. You need to do some serious soul searching to find the answer. I think everyone here can sympathize with your situation, we just have no way of truly knowing all you must be facing. I sincerely wish you the best in life and hope your answers come soon.
Hugs,
Marsha

Thank you all for the welcome, i do feel very out of place in life at the moment and i have to admit that before my accident i had no feelings of wanting to become a woman, but this has sort of crept up on me over the last year or so. I have seen every expert there is regarding what has happened to me and they have all said to just be myself and i shouldent try to put myself in a catagory as man or woman and this is why i feel i do not belong and in many ways this could be why i have made a decision to try living as a woman as i feel more that way than i do male. I had been given the option to have my breasts removed, but i feel they are part of me now and i have excepted them and that would not help with my loss of masculinity on the inside. I have experimented with dressing as a woman a little over the past 6 months or so and i have worn a bra for over a year now as i am well developed in that area.
I just get upset alot as to my identity and i have lost alot of friends since my accident as they dont seem to know how to be with me or they just cant cope, so i feel very alone in the world.
Thank you all for your kind welcomes and i will do my best to answer any questions any of you have as i feel i am in a very unique situation and it might need some explaining so people can understand me better. x

Hiya Dannie,
Thank you for being so honest and forth coming in sharing your situation with us. I sympathise with you in dealing with the awkward moments when your friends dont know how to be around you.

I have had a few friends like that and once they get got used to the idea that I was no longer a man and instead a woman, but I was the same person with all the same memories they adjusted with time. I believe its only because they are in a situation they have never experienced before.

If you ever feel lonely and wish to chat about whatever, please, feel free to consider me as a friendand send me a PM or something.

All the best
Penny
x

Hi Dannie,

I must say given the unexpected outcome of your accident you do seem to have come a long way. the that have commented so far have given you great advice.
You will find that everyone here is very helpful and friendly and are very supportive.
As with eveyone else we are all here to help and support you in any way we can!!
All the best and if you want to chat drop me a PM any time

Dannie,

You have come to this place in your life in a pretty unique way...and in rapid fashion. That sort of trauma is not overcome overnight.

I am so sorry that your friends have been unable to cope as well as they could have, and I know this, too, is tough on you. You'll find a lot of support here, though.

Welcome to group, I am new here too and let me assure you that everyone has been kind, gracious, open, and supportive. Fortunately, they have not been judgmental, pushy, or superior. This is a good place to be!

The circumstances that bring you here are horrific and the anguish you must be going through is beyond my comprehension. But still you are not alone, the uncertainties of the path or the duration of the trip; the feelings of being different than you were; the terror felt when we first share our new selves with others and perhaps the loss of friends; these things are all shared by the majority of the people here. Right now you may feel alone but you aren’t.


Hugs Jeri

Hi everyone and thank you all for your welcome and support.
I never had any gender issues before my accident but i had always been very open to transgender people and i have always had an interest into it if im honest. Since my accident i have had a rollercoaster ride of emotions and i am ashamed to say at one point i tried to end it all as i went into a deep depression. To start with i managed ok but as time went on i began to develop breasts and other changes, i found this very hard, after 12 months or so i had small breasts and my friends tell me they noticed a massive change in my behaviour and thats when it all started becoming very difficult for me and i was having major issues with who i was. I became a recluse and i put on alot of weight which just made things worse as i tended to gain the weight in all the wrong areas, i lost contact with most of my friends as they did not seem to want to know me which made things worse for me.
I was not untill 2 year after my accident that i started to come out of my depression and tried to start a new life, but my question to myself was as who, or who am i now. Im still the same person inside but i have a very different body and in some ways mind. I lost alot of weight but unfortunatly not from the areas i wanted to lose from i think thats there for good and i took my first step and i bought a bra and began wearing it, and it felt quite good if im honest and it did not upset me as i thought it would, i started to except my body the way it was and i felt alot better for it.
Then about 6 or 7 months ago i dressed as a woman and went outside very late at night and had a walk, i felt comfortable and a little excited and apart from falling up a step with heels on lol it was a good expereince for me and i have been doing this ever since.
I now feel maybe i should try to live my life as a woman? that is my million doller question , should i or not.
My therapist has told me that i must be myself and dress how i wish, i have also told him i have no intention as yet of having sex reasignment surgery that has not entered my mind i just want to feel comfortable and yes i do want to be excepted, instead of being viewed as strange as i have been called on many occasion.
Please feel free to leave your opinions or advice and again thank you all so much for making me welcome. x

Hi Dannie,

I think your therapists are saying wise words, which I repeat, being just yourself is what everyone should strive for. In regard to your depression, its a condition that a lot of people have at some point in their life and it is a matter of addressing what is causing the depression and finding a solution. It sounds as if you are dealing with your depression and are taking steps to address those issues, good for you. I think you have a balanced aproach as SRS is never the ultimate goal, it is well being, inner peace, integration in society and freedom that are and you appear to be making sensible decisions.

As suggested by other people in this thread, if you really believe that living as a woman will give you a stable and happy life then I would seek referal to a gender specialist via your GP. They will give you the information you need to be successful. Also, a lot of people take this path to find out if it is right for them and at some point find out that it isnt. Theres nothing wrong with taking this path to learn greater understanding and theres also no loss of pride if at some point you change your mind as I believe it would cause anyone more depression if they felt they were stuck on this path once they have chosen it.

All the best
Penny
x

Hi Melody and penny, thank you for your advice and i agree with what you both say.
I do not want to make a mistake and cause myself more hurt and depression so i am not rushing into anything without being sure. At the moment i am living as a man the best i can but it is very difficult for me as i do not feel like a man and i cannot hide the changes i have gone through, believe me i have tried and that causes me to feel very down, trying to cover up and act like the world believes i should as a man, i have had some very embarresing moments and i feel very self conscious most of the time. When i dress as a woman i feel relief and quite natural if that makes sense but i have not done this in public and i dont know how i would feel if i did, maybe i would still feel self conscious and out of place, i also want to have a relationship in the future and at the moment i feel i cannot and i also have no sex drive which has been very difficult for me to cope with since my accident. I have so much to find out about myself and who i want to be, i feel more female than male and i think i look ok when im dressed as a woman, i have quite large breasts and quite a nice figure if i do say so myself lol except for the hair which has decreased alot over the last few year on my body but its still there lol and i still have to shave my face everyday that has not been effected. So its down to me to decide what to do i am so nervous and scared of this change and the way it will effect me but it kind of makes me happy and a little excited at the same time, but i will not rush into anything, i just want to be happy as we all do as the person i am inside and that is who i must discover. Thank you all again, your advice and support means alot to me. x

Hi Dannie,

This is a great thread that has such a connection to all of us with these struggles and I just couldn't keep from being a part of it.

I have a question for Dannie. Dear, do you fallow or have any personal spiritual beliefs in a higher power or a inner guidance to help you find your own personal path and peace? I use my own personal spiritual beliefs to help me know what direction I should take with my life and believe that I wouldn't be around at all if it wasn't for me having the belief that prayer or meditation can help us find individual direction.

In no way am I trying to preach religion or sell something here; I am just offering some suggestions that I think can help you find some peace and direction for your self. People can give insight and many different points of view, but the answers to what you need to do with your life need to come from within after carefully weighing all the opinions against your own beliefs.

I think this question was asked earlier, I haven't memorized all the threads, but do you have any goals or passions or talents in your life that you want to develop. For me, my most recent discoveries that have help me find peace have been that It's not so much as to wether I am male or female, but what is my purpose in life and how can I be useful to the people around me. That has cleared up alot of the confusion I have felt with my Gender Identity; why does it really matter, what do I want to do to find happiness in life. Each persons answers to that question are going to be different.

I hope this might be helpful as a different perspective and opinion. There are so many of us suffering and struggling, those that think that this is just dress up and fun and games or fantasy are making it harder on those of us that are just trying to find peace and comfort with a ligitimate condition. I know that you have a tough road ahead of you. I hope that I can help relieve some of the burden. Good luck hun.

Erica

"those that think that this is just dress up and fun and games or fantasy are making it harder on those of us that are just trying to find peace and comfort with a ligitimate condition."

I just want to add that my above comment in my last reply is actually a recent perspective that a friend on TW shared with me that enlightened me quite a bit (Thanks M!!) Actually, over the past couple months I have recieved a treasure trove of perspectives that have helped strengthen me from friends and family that have found greater levels of peace and stability in their lives. I am just starting on the path and trying to open my mind much further to healthy ways of thinking. I would never want to pass off any ideas that I may share as original ideas that I just came up with.

I pray that you and all of us will continue to find greater levels of growth and peace continuously. I do believe one perspective that we have to go through times of tribulation and diffaculty to find that peace. We should be sooooo grateful for being givin this trial.

There are alot of really cool thinkers here. Luv TW.

Hi Dannie.

I have read yopur other post reafrding this situation.
Even though there are a few more details concerning the current situation your in. I feel what I posted previously still stands.

Only Christine has raised concerns that I too have about your actual reasons for starting to change gender.
I am suprised at how readily others are activly almost encouraging you to do so.

I think you are looking for others to lead you and make decisions for you rather than take real control yourself.
You may have had counciling but it obviously hasnt helped you much.

I have also read your later posts in response. But it is all coming across to me as finding somehwere that you fit in and are accepted. Being encouraged to develope a female aspect is in my view wrong the reasons why I have come to this conclusion are outlined below.

It reads to me like your trying to find a way of dealing with your condition as it is now and changing your life around your body. Which again I think is all the wrong way round kind of starting all upside down.

I know My reply is running counter to virtually all you have had so far from others in here. But I do think you should read and consider very carefully the points I raise and be 100% honest with yourself.

This means forgetting about what your body is currently like just now.
You rejected the offer of a mastectamy but yet you are as far as I can tell inside all man. I dare to suggest that currently you are coping by enjoying what many cross dressers I have come across desire and that is by having breasts belive me I have come accross more than enough of them in my time especially since transitioning relating having breasts to being female.Or just the sexual and fetishistic aspects associated with them.

You said Quote " i do feel very out of place in life at the moment and i have to admit that before my accident i had no feelings of wanting to become a woman, but this has sort of crept up on me over the last year or so. I have seen every expert there is regarding what has happened to me and they have all said to just be myself and i shouldent try to put myself in a catagory as man or woman and this is why i feel i do not belong and in many ways this could be why i have made a decision to try living as a woman as i feel more that way than i do male"

You feel out of place hence your trying a way that fits in at least externally.
I highlighted a paticular line. I am very suprised at these so called experts. They sound almost idiotic to me. Apart form telling you to be you ( which I think you are far from being as you have been forced into this situation by circumstances). As for putting yourself into a catagory before this accident where was you on the spectrum ? I am certain it was as a Male as a man.

You said it the Accident is what is causing you to feel out of place not where you are internally. Currently you are just accepting your fate and adapting and accepting a new role.

You said Quote:
I had been given the option to have my breasts removed, but i feel they are part of me now and i have excepted them and that would not help with my loss of masculinity on the inside"

again accepting what has been thrust upon you. Course they are a part of you as they are currently a part of your body. With the trauma of your accident its also not suprising that you are fearful of having any surgery. But the key point of that quote is.......

Quote"that would not help with my loss of masculinity on the inside"

This is where you need proper real help . Better than you have recieved so far from the medical establishment to date.
I am willing to bet that you would rather be where you was prior to this accident you had. That is not just the physical aspect but as you was before and how you felt inside.

The rest of the last year is more a resignation of where you are now rather than who you truely are.

Below is what I posted previously before I had read this thread but I dont feel any need to change the advice I offered. Because Iam more than certain should you decide Ok Iam a woman now lets get help with transitioning getting hormones and onwards to SRS/GCS that the gender specialists would with your case history not consider you for any Gender treatment other than to help you find who you was before and ways to treat you to get you as close to what you where before the accident.

I know I may sound dead set against you following through.you know what in YOUR paticular case I am only in your whole and best intrests.

It may be near to impossible for me to comprehend what you have been through and have had to endure over the last three years. But do not throw in the towl right now. find the desire to be who you was inside before the accident.
I hope You get the correct medical assistance and seriously seek the right and correct avenue for you because my hand on heart I think you changing gender roles is just not you.



what I posted in other post before reading this thread

Forgive me if I make inaccurate assumptions or observations considering your situation in advance but I only know one way to offer advice and that is to be direct and Honest so here goes.

Quote dannie said: "I am considering living my life as a woman now but have alot to work out for myself".

This statement alone would make question the reason you are using for considering changing your actual gender Identity. I aknowledge that you have not stated any Trans status or previous desire previous to your accident to living life as a woman and more importantly IDENTIFYING as a female. So on this basis alone I would strongly advise you of even considering such a notion or taking any steps to do so.
It comes accross to me that if anything you actually desire to be accepted as the Man you are. The fact is you have had an accident that has unfortunatly lead to testosterone being vastly reduced in your body. Also that medical reasdons deny addition of testosterone from being administered. It would be interesting to know what medical reasons have prevaled since losing the teste's that has lead to your body being unable to process and deal with testoterone within your body.

It is not surely the condition that you now find your body in that determines your actual gender. because if that was the case then F2M transwomen like myself would have no need to change our Gender to opposite that to which our bodies are when born. It is your brain that is where the gender is sited and your gender Identity from what I can glean from your OP is strictly that of a Male. I would suggest that in fact you are suffering from an emasculation.

The psychological effects of this must be very traumatic indeed and you have my every sympathy concerning this. Physiologically there will be changes that you have noticed enegy levels dropping off possibly ? loss of sexual appetite ? even agressive drives which can affect such things as drive to succeed such as in career are you experiencing these ? generally attributed male traits often brought about by testoterone within the body. But would the loss of all these attributes lead to you assuming a female role ?

lets look further at what you posted:

Quote Dannie said:This post is about how people see me and that causes more confusion about who i am, what i mean by that is how women treat me now.".

What are the actual reasons that have caused people to see you differently ?
Is it that as you have said
Quote Dannie said: i have developed certain female characteristics including quite large breasts."
I would think that rather seeking advice and help within a site such as this ( no offence to anyone within the site here ment) that it would be so much better seeking proper medical help ? For starters you could be eligible for a breast reduction/removal surgery. Especially as the current condition has caused you such a huge emotional and physcological distress. Because it appears that you imply just the fact you have large breasts that others now treat you differently.
again to reinforce you actual self image as a Man i repeat another of your quotes.

Quote Dannie said: I am still a man and i do not find other men attractive in fact i have no sexdrive at all at the moment, yet women think i like men and tend to treat me as a girlfriend which is hard for me to cope with."

Lets look at this statement in detail.
I feel it reveals your inner gender Identity as being the same as it was before your accident. Being that of a man.Infact any M2F woman would seek such a relationship with other women wether they was gay or not .IE Lesbian.
Sexuality is nothing to do with your condition medically you may have been castrated as such but mentally you have not been.
Probably the loss of your sex drive hasnt helped but you should remeber the largest sexual organ we have is our brain not our genitals. Sexual labido is a complex issue but techniques can be learned to fie it up though the best cure for it is a combination of Love and a strong Attraction towards another.

lets look at this statement of yours as well.

Quote Dannie said: "An example is that i have a few female friends that i knew before my accident, they have accepted me and have offered some support over the last couple of years which i am gratefull for the problem is they treat me like im one of the girls now which in the past has confused me and made me feel even less of a man than i already did. They undress infront of me and talk about men and ask me for advice and this makes me feel that i am really not a man anymore i dont understand why they do this,"

well as a man this would be a generally confusing and most probably makes you feel emotionally awkward. The fact is the reason I suggest they treat you like this is that they TRUST you they do not feel threatened by you and consider you SAFE to do such as undress infront of you. This no doubt makes you feel even more frustrated and emascualted and you seem to feel powerless to change the situation making it feel even worse .

Quote Dannie said: i still dress and try to be a man the best i can its only my body that is quite feminine now. Sometimes it makes me quite upset. I have not said anything to them as to be honest i am just glad they accept me but i just dont understand why they treat me this way."

I find two contradictory statements in this .
1: you still dress as a man .......................................the best you can? what exactly does that mean ? is that in relation to the fact you have some breast growth now ? Your dressing to match who you are what you are that is a Man.

2: its only my body that is quite feminine now. Sometimes it makes me quite upset. I have not said anything to them as to be honest i am just glad they accept me but i just dont understand why they treat me this way"

Again I find contradictions in this passage. One your saying again how your body becoming more feminine is making you upset (understandably so) But you are Glad that they accept you. Is this because you feel your not accepted now by your peers fellow friends and other males now ? and have few people who you can talk to ? Why have you not told anyone about how you feel ? Male pride and Male Ego ?

You most definatly need to talk. Talk to your friends family about how you are feeling. Talk especially to your GP get them to forward you to experts in the medical field such as a psychiatrist or pyschologist and get refered for the bare minimum a Breast reduction/removal ASAP.

Because Trust me I have severe doubts about your ability to live out the rest of your life as a female. You neither Identify as one or I suspect would actually want to through personal choice wish to live as one. I think you are taking this route as you see no other alternative to coping and finding any solution to where you find yourself just now.

One lead you should take from women is my advice to talk to someone. Men tend to keep emotional stuff inside and put on a brave front stiff upper lip approach ( a generalisation but most often true) Especially where health issues are concerned.
So before doiing anything to femanise yourself further because I am certain that you actually if you had never had the accident would not be even thinking of doing so. Get some proffesional help NOW

Again sorry if my response seems unsympathetic or harsh but It is being as straight as I can be. I am concerned that should you go further on the road you see as the only way to deal with where you are you will end up severly depressed and far worse of than you are feeling now.

I do wish you everysuccess in getting all the proper help you urgently need and require. Talk for god sake Man talk and get your life back under your control so you will be able to live and enjoy your life the way you actually want to live it.There are other answers to changing into a gender that you have no actual desire to be.

Sarah.

My Dear Dannie,
You may have had a decision made for you that you were not prepared to make at the time - but we can not live our lives in the past. You are "you", in the "here and now" - and rather than worrying about what has been lost, I would suggest that you "go with the flow" and enjoy what has been gained - Dannie.
Doanna

Hello Dannie,
Well that's certainly a unique story, but I am sure you have come to the right place; people here are generally very supportive, and we are a huge mish-mash of alternatively gendered individuals, all in different places on the gender spectrum, and all at different points on our respective journeys. I hope you will learn more about your own gender identity, and become assured of the right thing to do.
You are most welcome here.
xx

I have to agree with Melody and emphasize that going into fulltime female life is not an easy option for anyone not feeling female from infancy...if that was you then you should be able to do so without much trouble and lack of testo will make things a lot easier...
its hard to imagine the testo you've been given haven't compensated for loss of natural body testo...presumably you were treated by a clinic with real knowledge of endocrinology?
anyway good luck whatever you decide.

Hiya Dannie,


Firstly welcome to Trannyweb, indeed an unusual and unfortunate situation to find yourself in. You do not say what your therapists think.

Whilst not wanting to sound insensative or on the other hand condecending . testicles are not the only thing that makes for being male, Did you have any leanings towards transgenderism prior to your accident. Gender disphoria, The need to cross dress, Making the most of it in your situation now, unless you have a gender identity problem prior to your accident is not
in my mind conjusive to everlasting happiness for you by changing gender roles at this time.

What sort of life did you look forward to prior to the accident, ambitions etc. Family children, career wise. Will you effect the change, with reservations, frustration and anger at not being able to fulfill your dreams. In some ways I can emphasise with you, I was never going to be able to father a child as a male, But that is not the reason I changed gender, Society norm, seems to exclude me from even adopting a child, but whereas in the right circumstances you could and follow your dreams by not changing..

But my heart does go out to you.

Cristine xxXxx

Dannie,
Most of us agree that we are what our brains make us. In your case, it is a result of trauma. This is not to say that hormonal changes do not affect our brain and feelings, they do.

Some of us are neither completely male or female. This can be conditioning and/or partially masculine brains. We float somewhere in the middle with no clear definition of one gender...sometimes an tendency to one or the other. The trick is to accept yourself as who you are. Some people are quite happy gender bending to a way of life that makes them comfy. Gender is not binary, but a spectrum which you can end up anywhere on. Take it slow, make mistakes if you have to, find out who you are. Find out where you are happy. It may not require transitioning. It is ok to be between stereotypes of gender.

Some of us realize later in life that we are wrong-gendered and transition then. If that is you, your loss of testosterone may have merely speeded up your realization. However, normal testosterone levels do not stop transgendered feelings. Nor do they necessarily cause them.

There is some very good advice in this thread. Here you can talk about your feelings and be honest which is the best way to find your path. I am an Inbetweenie with a strong leaning to the feminine side. I'd never want to repeat my life as a male. So I understand how confusing this must be for you. Beware Stereotyping. Trust your feelings.

and......Welcome to TW.