Hi everyone, i am new to TW and i have posted in the newcomer section and again thank you all for your welcomes.
Ill give a quick recap on my situation for those who have not read my introduction.
I am a male, but 3 year ago i was involved in an accident and had both testicles removed, i cannot take testosterone due to a health condition and i have developed certain female characteristics including quite large breasts.
I am considering living my life as a woman now but have alot to work out for myself.
This post is about how people see me and that causes more confusion about who i am, what i mean by that is how women treat me now. I am still a man and i do not find other men attractive in fact i have no sexdrive atall at the moment, yet women think i like men and tend to treat me as a girlfriend which is hard for me to cope with. An example is that i have a few female friends that i knew before my accident, they have accepted me and have offered some support over the last couple of years which i am gratefull for the problem is they treat me like im one of the girls now which in the past has confused me and made me feel even less of a man than i already did. They undress infront of me and talk about men and ask me for advice and this makes me feel that i am really not a man anymore i dont understand why they do this, i still dress and try to be a man the best i can its only my body that is quite feminine now. Sometimes it makes me quite upset. I have not said anything to them as to be honest i am just glad they accept me but i just dont understand why they treat me this way. Maybe this is a reason why i am considering living as a woman as i seem to be viewed as one by many people, even my male friends treat me completely different and they all think i like men now it is so confusing. xxx

You are in a difficult situation. You definitely have a male gender identity. You want to be a man, and be accepted as such, but your body as a result of the accident is taking you in another direction.

On the surface, you have something that many of us would gladly trade for. The opportunity to transition from a masculine to feminine body that matches the identity in our mind, and being accepted in that way. Possibly the acceptance comes from the fact that the accident wasn't your choice, and therefore nature has decided to take a different course for you. It's when people oppose nature that they are looked down up as weird or perverted.

Unfortunately people are locked into binary thinking. 0 or 1. Male or Female. Woman or Man. Straight or Gay. As though you can only be and have to be one or the other.

There is no reason that you necessarily have to be attracted to men if you transition into becoming a woman. That is why not everyone in this world is heterosexual. I'm sure when or if I make an eventual transition I will still have a preference for women. Always have, always will. I admire the female body, and that fuels my desire to become one.

If you do come to terms with your changing body, and decide to pursue a transition, you are several steps ahead of all of us, and a lot of the difficult aspects are behind you.

" made me feel even less of a man than i already did."

Since you've made your choice to be a woman, you shouldn't be looking back. Like what Rose said, you should really get more advice and reconsider your decision to transit. Being a woman doesn't mean you will like men, but it is engraved in the majority's mind that a woman should like men.

Being a woman isn't just about the looks, its also about the way women live their lives, about how women view things. And many of these things are very different from a men's perspective. If you think you want to be a woman just because it would be easier to look normal, then I strongly advise you to reconsider your decision to be a woman, as it will only further confuse you and will not lead to happiness.

"They undress infront of me and talk about men and ask me for advice and this makes me feel that i am really not a man anymore i dont understand why they do this, i still dress and try to be a man the best i can its only my body that is quite feminine now. "

In today's world, androgynous is not widely accepted, and people will still always want to categorize you to either a guy or girl. If you want to be andro, then make up your mind and BE andro, and not worry whether or not you are a man or a woman. But if you choose either sides, then you have to consider the "consequences" and be ready to accept the fact that everybody else will treat you the way you look. Women treat other women different from how they treat men, and you just have to get used to it if this is what you choose to.

Don't confine yourself into the stereotypes. Testicles do not make a man, it is the brain that determines that.

Hi Dannie.
Forgive me if I make inaccurate assumptions or observations considering your situation in advance but I only know one way to offer advice and that is to be direct and Honest so here goes.

Quote dannie said: "I am considering living my life as a woman now but have alot to work out for mysef".

This statement alone would make question the reason you are using for considering changing your actual gender Identity. I aknowledge that you have not stated any Trans status or previous desire previous to your accident to living life as a woman and more importantly IDENTIFYING as a female. So on this basis alone I would strongly advise you of even considering such a notion or taking any steps to do so.
It comes accross to me that if anything you actually desire to be accepted as the Man you are. The fact is you have had an accident that has unfortunatly lead to testosterone being vastly reduced in your body. Also that medical reasdons deny addition of testosterone from being administered. It would be interesting to know what medical reasons have prevaled since losing the teste's that has lead to your body being unable to process and deal with testoterone within your body.

It is not surely the condition that you now find your body in that determines your actual gender. because if that was the case then F2M transwomen like myself would have no need to change our Gender to opposite that to which our bodies are when born. It is your brain that is where the gender is sited and your gender Identity from what I can glean from your OP is strictly that of a Male. I would suggest that in fact you are suffering from an emasculation.

The psychological effects of this must be very traumatic indeed and you have my every sympathy concerning this. Physiologically there will be changes that you have noticed enegy levels dropping off possibly ? loss of sexual appetite ? even agressive drives which can affect such things as drive to succeed such as in career are you experiencing these ? generally attributed male traits often brought about by testoterone within the body. But would the loss of all these attributes lead to you assuming a female role ?

lets look further at what you posted:

Quote Dannie said:This post is about how people see me and that causes more confusion about who i am, what i mean by that is how women treat me now.".

What are the actual reasons that have caused people to see you differently ?
Is it that as you have said
Quote Dannie said: i have developed certain female characteristics including quite large breasts."
I would think that rather seeking advice and help within a site such as this ( no offence to anyone within the site here ment) that it would be so much better seeking proper medical help ? For starters you could be eligible for a breast reduction/removal surgery. Especially as the current condition has caused you such a huge emotional and physcological distress. Because it appears that you imply just the fact you have large breasts that others now treat you differently.
again to reinforce you actual self image as a Man i repeat another of your quotes.

Quote Dannie said: I am still a man and i do not find other men attractive in fact i have no sexdrive at all at the moment, yet women think i like men and tend to treat me as a girlfriend which is hard for me to cope with."

Lets look at this statement in detail.
I feel it reveals your inner gender Identity as being the same as it was before your accident. Being that of a man.Infact any M2F woman would seek such a relationship with other women wether they was gay or not .IE Lesbian.
Sexuality is nothing to do with your condition medically you may have been castrated as such but mentally you have not been.
Probably the loss of your sex drive hasnt helped but you should remeber the largest sexual organ we have is our brain not our genitals. Sexual labido is a complex issue but techniques can be learned to fie it up though the best cure for it is a combination of Love and a strong Attraction towards another.

lets look at this statement of yours as well.

Quote Dannie said: "An example is that i have a few female friends that i knew before my accident, they have accepted me and have offered some support over the last couple of years which i am gratefull for the problem is they treat me like im one of the girls now which in the past has confused me and made me feel even less of a man than i already did. They undress infront of me and talk about men and ask me for advice and this makes me feel that i am really not a man anymore i dont understand why they do this,"

well as a man this would be a generally confusing and most probably makes you feel emotionally awkward. The fact is the reason I suggest they treat you like this is that they TRUST you they do not feel threatened by you and consider you SAFE to do such as undress infront of you. This no doubt makes you feel even more frustrated and emascualted and you seem to feel powerless to change the situation making it feel even worse .

Quote Dannie said: i still dress and try to be a man the best i can its only my body that is quite feminine now. Sometimes it makes me quite upset. I have not said anything to them as to be honest i am just glad they accept me but i just dont understand why they treat me this way."

I find two contradictory statements in this .
1: you still dress as a man .......................................the best you can? what exactly does that mean ? is that in relation to the fact you have some breast growth now ? Your dressing to match who you are what you are that is a Man.

2: its only my body that is quite feminine now. Sometimes it makes me quite upset. I have not said anything to them as to be honest i am just glad they accept me but i just dont understand why they treat me this way"

Again I find contradictions in this passage. One your saying again how your body becoming more feminine is making you upset (understandably so) But you are Glad that they accept you. Is this because you feel your not accepted now by your peers fellow friends and other males now ? and have few people who you can talk to ? Why have you not told anyone about how you feel ? Male pride and Male Ego ?

You most definatly need to talk. Talk to your friends family about how you are feeling. Talk especially to your GP get them to forward you to experts in the medical field such as a psychiatrist or pyschologist and get refered for the bare minimum a Breast reduction/removal ASAP.

Because Trust me I have severe doubts about your ability to live out the rest of your life as a female. You neither Identify as one or I suspect would actually want to through personal choice wish to live as one. I think you are taking this route as you see no other alternative to coping and finding any solution to where you find yourself just now.

One lead you should take from women is my advice to talk to someone. Men tend to keep emotional stuff inside and put on a brave front stiff upper lip approach ( a generalisation but most often true) Especially where health issues are concerned.
So before doiing anything to femanise yourself further because I am certain that you actually if you had never had the accident would not be even thinking of doing so. Get some proffesional help NOW

Again sorry if my response seems unsympathetic or harsh but It is being as straight as I can be. I am concerned that should you go further on the road you see as the only way to deal with where you are you will end up severly depressed and far worse of than you are feeling now.

I do wish you everysuccess in getting all the proper help you urgently need and require. Talk for god sake Man talk and get your life back under your control so you will be able to live and enjoy your life the way you actually want to live it.There are other answers to changing into a gender that you have no actual desire to be.

Sarah.

Hi everyone and thank you all for your posts and advice.
I think i need to explain some things as i might not have explained myself very well as i do struggle with things like this.
I do not want to have sex change surgery it has not crossed my mind but i am considering dressing and living my life in a female roll as i feel comfortable and quite happy now when i do dress in female clothes. I have seen many phychiatrists and had so much counciling over the last few years to last me a life time, they all say different things and try to get in your head but you all should know at the end of the day you know better than anyone how you feel and what you want, you dont need someone to tell you yes you can be a woman or no you should stay as a man. I have a very feminine body and im not even considering hormones as i cant take them in any form, i am trying to figure out myself if im doing this for the right reasons and not because people and there views have forced me down this route. I feel comfortable with my body now as i have already stated and i do not wish to have my breasts removed they are part of me, when i asked the question as why do women treat me the way they do is because i wish to understand and judge if that is a reason i might want to dress as a female because certain people see me that way. If i could post pictures on here to show the extent of my feminization then i would then maybe you would understand my problems and yes i cant explain why i have changed so much in 3 years as i dont understand hormones very well but i have so i just want to be comfortable and happy with myself.
Thanks

Hi Dannie,

Its good to hear that you are comfortable and happy with who you are. That is the most important thing.

Dannie
You really need to get yourself some professional therapy to get yourself sorted out out cos you are so mixed up.

You told us you were wanting to live as female but now you say you are trying to live male with big breasts and what must be an obvious femaleness that makes the GG's accept you as one of them...yet you don't like that - but the rest of us would love to have that much acceptance!

You know that the vast majority of us had the childhood feelings of not being right but as you didn't maybe you're not TS...

Go back to your doctors and ask to be referred to a really good gender specialist (LOL as if there is such a thing) and try sort out exactly what you are for everyone's benefit.

Maybe you really should transition to female and are just in denial, maybe not and should be looking at breast removal and testicle implants...good luck with whatever...

rose

Hi Dannie,

I think you are reading too much into the confidences that GG's are giving you. Don't analyze it , just accept it with gratitude. They are trusting you into their lives. It is a sign you are accepted into their private world. This is a gift and if you decide to "live as a woman" an invaluable aide.

I've never been the most masculine person, in fact I think most people thought I was gay. (I've never been attracted to males and certainly never had any male/male experience nor ever wanted to, not that I think there's anything wrong for those lean that way. Just not my thing.)

My experience has been when a GG confided in me, my position wouldn't allow me to honestly respond. I was a manager in a huge communications company and my job would be on the line if I said the wrong thing.

Girls who reported to me, were my peers and even occasionally my bosses would open up to me about all kinds of things from giving birth to problems with their boyfriends. Because I was afraid of a "sexual harassment" case against me whatever I responded, I was very cautious and they seldom confided in me again. Looking back this was a big mistake.

Don't worry about why they confide in you, just accept it as a very human to human trust.

Best,
Melody

Why are you worrying so much over how other people percieve you? If you are happy with your life, why would you care what someone else thinks? You should be living your life to suit yourself and to be happy with that, not to be altering your behaviour and dress jus tto fit in with someone elses view of who you should be. Be happy, be yourself, and if you aren't sure just what gender you are most comfortable in, then you really need to speak to a therapist first to try and sort yourself out, because you don't seem to be able to decide whether you want to be male or female.

Nikki

Being comfortable nd happy with yourself is what it is all about. i'm still confused how you want to dress as a woman but don't want SRS??? Still, I guess that makes you transgendered in every sense of the word and there's nothing wrong with that. There is more than just female and male and if you want to live somewhere in between as it were, or androgynous, then as long as you are happy about it, why not? Don't be pushed into something that you aren't comfortable with however, do it for you.

There are downsides about being androgynous, which toilet to use for example.................

Nikki

Hi Nikki,

"There are downsides about being androgynous, which toilet to use for example................. "

When in Andro mode, pick the shorter line. Er...guess which one that is...

Best
Melody

Dannie,

Were any of the therapists you have seen trained to deal with gender issues? Many are not, do not understand gender issues and may not even know the correct terminology. You need to talk to someone who understands this issue.

The loss of testosterone, even without estrogen, can change you physically and mentally. Early on in my realization of being TG and questioning if I was TS, I had my doctor run a testosterone level to see if that was responsible for my epiphany. My male hormone levels were not even low.

For some reason, I expect changes in my social behavior in public, I find women will engage me as another woman in public....I'm certain I do not LOOK like one, despite studs in my ears, but something about me has changed. I have found myself in a group of 5 women as the focus of discussion, not just "there". True, this often happens when I am wandering the women's clothes section of a store, but I have also found women notice behavior more than men and I suspect it is partly that I do not show the normal male discomfort at being seen in women's clothing/lingerie/shoe sections of stores. I am relaxed and having fun and often searching for clothes for my ggf who will be wandering in the area. I am not saying that they think I am a woman, though some may suspect I am gay or TG, but they perceive me as socially available and women LOVE to interact. If I am discussing fashion with my ggf, they pop right in like an old friend. If you want to know why women are treating you this way, ask them.

I can remember back in college, when I was trying to win at "who is the most macho", having two sisters disrobed to their underwear in front of me. Viewing my discomfort, the eldest laughed and said "You are not seeing anything you would not see if we were in our bathing suits." Maybe we just projected "safe male". Do not assume they do not see you as male. One of those sisters ended up as my first female sexual partner and best friend; they even asked me to share a house with them. They always treated me as male, even when discussing private girl stuff. So ask your girlfriends why they behave the way they do and let THEM tell you what it means. You may be surprised. I had a female friend for years. I was obtuse to what probably, in retrospect, were attempts to seduce me until one evening I arrived at her apartment. She came out dressed to the nines, sexy as hell, seriously kissed me and dragged me inside where she engaged in aggressive, and quite wonderful, sex. Do not assume. Ask.

You have been traumatized and it is understandable that you are hurt, confused and have your masculinity threatened. What may be happening is that you are reading trust and friendship for something else because of your insecurity. If functionality is an issue, there are even implanted, prosthetic devices for erectile dysfunction. In any event, you should take time to find your comfort level. Fortunately, you can do an RLE, if you decide you want to live as a non-op MtF, and if not go try something else. I have considered the same, in a friendly area of L.A. to give Wendy the opportunity to be free to be who she is, outside of work, or even there with the right job. I think that would give me a true view of who I really am after years of self-suppression. However, you would do well to have a therapist to talk to during this period....at least once a month. Keep a journal

Brother, Sister, Inbetween or Friend....you are welcome here.