Well Ladies and others,

I have an appointment with my Gender Therapist this afternoon and I'm buzzing with anticipation. I hope she does the talking so I can learn something - but I have a feeling it will be the other way around.

I also hope she doesn't expect me to belabor the past....(blah, blah:...and in 1960 when I was just a little girl in a little boy's body...; blah blah, blah:.......then in 1980: blah, blah, blah, blah)..., because I have a reasonable and clearly defined goal and a plan with options A and B that I want to discuss involving the present and future. I hope to let my happiness and positive energy do most of my talking while she helps me navigate my road map.

Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes.

You happen to be a little older than me but I would think you will face pretty much what I did. You and I have been around long enough to know what we like and dislike, not like a teen which has few experiences to relate to. Therefore if your therapist is anything like my first you will just bring her/him up to speed on events in your life. I've said it before here, I believe a good therapist can tell shortly after you walk in the door. You sound as though you have the right attitude being positive, just be you. More of the conversation is going to be about society and your abilities to adapt to what you may face. What affect will this have on others in your life, which in turn will affect you. Probably the most important answer you can give is when they ask you why you want to be a woman. You need to honestly be able to answer, because I am a woman.
Best wishes,
Marsha

Thanks Marsha,

She was very nice and has been working exclusively with TG issues since '85. We had a pleasant conversation, but mostly focused on my past and only briefly on my intentions. I suppose it was an introductory session and I'll be seeing her again next week and more in the future. That's about what I expected, but it's all for the best.

Jennifer, it sounds like you had a decent visit. I haven't had a problem with my therapist when it comes to the frequency of visits. It is understood that I will call and schedule an appointment if something comes up that I would like to discuss or if there is something that needs following up on. I bring that up because it is one of the biggest complaints about therapists. Some seemingly try to get as much money out of you as they can by having you return frequently and all too often with what seems to be a less than meaningful session. You are paying for it, so it is up to you to make sure you are getting your monies worth. My psych once said to me when I was rambling on, "Marsha, you are paying for me to help you, do you want to listen to what I have to say?" I feel we have a great relationship because of our ability to talk to each other. I hope you can develop a great relationship with your therapist. I have my next appointment next Wednesday and we will hopefully be discussing my referral letter for surgery in December.
Best wishes,
Marsha

Thanks again Marsha.
I asked her if I could write my history (or at least what I feel is significant) for her to read prior to our next visit, but she declined. It seemed like a reasonable offer. I guess she wants me to pay her to learn my story the long way....maybe it's for a purpose and she wants to observe how I communicate verbally. At $80 an hour it could get expensive fast and I'd rather use that money for a Bunny corset uniform But, this is a start.

I like her though and she is easy to talk with. The tone was very upbeat and she thought I had the right look..

Let me ask you this...is it reasonable for a TG to start hormones without knowing if they're committed to surgery? Could I take hormones and monitor my progress and stop if I decided I'd had enough...or is it all or nothing? Living a ying/yang dual lifestyle as a CD has it's merits, but I often feel an increasing need to merge into one being and be truthful with my world . I might prefer to take an appropriate amount of hormones without surgery. I'd like to proceed a step at a time.

In the meantime, I plan to let my androgony shine more while in male role.

I've been growing my real hair long again (will need a little forehead hair transplant if this Folligen doesn't start working), I'll also get a chemical peel, start Retin A and get my ears pierced for the first time. I'll probably have some more electrolosis (ouch!). I'm also going to research if there is anything I can do to assure my liver is as healthy as possible. I'm in great shape, and appear much younger than my years, so I'll remain a health nut with my nutrition and exercises so I can fight off the aging process and live for a long time - hopefully full time. Interestingly, my feminine desires increase in proportion with my health. When I start getting out of shape, the feelings dissipate.

Basically, I'm laying the foundation, and if I don't go through with hormones...or she won't provide a recommendation, at least I'll be in great shape. Soon nobody will know what my gender is while in male role - hormones or not, many will assume I'm female.

Jennifer, you definitely have the right attitude about all of this. I think in this day and age you can probably get away with the hormones without surgery. Especially here in the U.S. many gals just don't have the financial resources and find surgery is not necessary in their lives. I'm sure a therapist involved with TGs since 1985 would be fully aware of that.

As for visits, it could be she just wants to hear your story and not read "somebody's" story. You might want to confront her on the frequency of visits though. $300+ a month would definitely be costly so you might put your feelers out to see how long she expects to continue the weekly visits. I only saw my first psych once a month, but I had a two hour drive to get there. My current psych I now see probably every 6-8 weeks, but in the beginning I think I saw her every couple weeks to bring her up to speed. My insurance pays most of it so I try to see her on some regular basis.

Hugs,
Marsha

Jennifer,
You seem to have the right "mind set" on this.
A Gender Therapist needs to know how you came to this point in your life in order to ensure that you are not making a mistake. The Therapist is there to help you, guide you...and to protect you.
Giving the Therapist all the information requested will in the long run prove beneficial to you and give you the opportunity to come face to face with that lovely girl named Jennifer - she is worth the effort to get to know.
Doanna

Jennifer , Marsha is correct in the fact that many of the transwomen go without surgury . I know several people here in my city personaly that have sucessfully ! They pass for the most part . many even look better than the G G "s ! I think i't all about how you present your self , your wardrobe choices , and your mannerisms ! Look , I was only on hormones a year . I had to come of over medical complications . Meanwhile I still dress, I work although part time as a woman . Look you can P- M me and I will help in anyway I can too! Ellen

After my second visit, I'm wondering whether this therapist is tuned into my situation.

She's never even seen Hitchcok's 'Psyco' movie, so I needed to spend some time just filling her in on the basic plot and how that could have affected and repressed a young TG child. She's in her 50's, so I'm surprised that she'd be unaware of such a well know film that touches on gender issues. She'd heard of the film, but has never seen it which seems odd since she's made these issues her career.

I also needed to remind her from time to time of facts that I had discussed in our previous meeting. I began to wonder if she was just playing games with me, or if she just has a bad memory. She's very pleasant but is locked into my past - a history I understand and accept, but I don't feel a desire to pay someone thousands of dollars to learn. I appreciate she needs to learn about me, but by the time we can discuss the present - it will be history.

Also, given her age, I suspect she'll retire in 6 years or so. Therefore, after spending time and money to relate my story, she won't be around for advise throughout my life and I'd need to start all over again with someone new.,

Perhaps her expertise is with young inexperienced TGs with a short history, perhaps after listening to TG stories for 25 yrs., she's burned out.

I'm considering teminating our visits and as the occasion arises I'll open up to people closer to me that already know me. I guess I need understanding friends to relate to more than a therapist...or maybe a different therapist.

Anyone with similar experiences?

Thanks,
Jennifer

Jennifer, I like the attitude displayed in your last post. You obviously hope for the best but have a plan to live with consequences if it doesn't work out. You can very easily live full time without any HRT or surgery on the cards, there is nothing to stop you doing so. The biggest change will likely be switching roles at work. There is a lot that you can do to help you blend in as a women and you will find that, people will assume you are female. It happens to me all the time.

So, fingers crossed that it goes your way but if not, there is no reason why it should stop you from living as a woman if that is what you really want.

Nikki

Lucy I very much appreciate your encouragement. I have also heard that comment from another post op TS I've known for 5 years.
Regrettably the only one who counts is my primary care doctor whom I will be seeing on Monday coming for the ultimate "Tell All" session.
Then I will at least have the medical opinion I seek.

In the meantime, and for those just starting their GID therapy, I had my first session yesterday and I feel it went very well indeed.
I played faucett and my psychologist played sponge.
I hope I made her understand that I have been confused since age 10 and cross dressed since then because it was the only thing I could do based on my location (NYC) and being an only child.
I did my best to convey that the feminine part of me in my heart and in my mind grows stronger with time and I think she understood.

My next session is next week.

I am very glad to have joined this forum.
Thanks again.

Hugz

Teri Lynn

Jennifer
I am also about to take that first step into a GID psychologist's office in 2 days. This thread has already been helpful. I've been doubting my ID since I was 10 and now I am a mature 71 though still young minded. I've spent so much time reading and absorbing. Your chat as I said was enlightening as well as the replies you received. In my case I am an only child who grew up in NYC, USA. It wasn't until I moved to the Dallas area of Texas that I became determined to do something about this 50 year old confusion. I pass in mainstream easily. I began electrolysis last month with no pain. Wow.

I am not bringing any preconceived plans with me to the first session.

Next year I am moving to the Eureka springs area in Arkansas, a very diverse and accepting community.

My main concern is this: I am an insulin diabetic. I need to avoid a deep vein thrombosis (blood clot) which could kill me. Will Estrodiol Patch be too risky? If so, then what? I am scheduled a tell-all session with my primary care doc next week.

Any comments regarding this aspect of HRT would be appreciated.

Teri Lynn