January 28, 2010 2:47 PM GMT
Samantha, many of us know exactly what you are going through. I'm in a position where I want to undergo surgery but it would mean separation from my wife and children, for me, that is too high a price to pay, they are everything to me. I'm also strongly bound by the commitments I have made to them and I believe that they should be honoured. However, the 'balance' for my wife and I is working out ok, I'm more or less full time, but underneath everything, still biologically male enough for her too. It's working for us but it has been a struggle and involved lots of tears on both sides on several occassions.
My biggest concern for you is that your other half doesn't know about you. I firmly believe that you must be up front and honest with her first, which will be very difficult for both of you anyway and is likely to cause some conflict. She may accept it, she may not, but she will very likely be upset that you hid this from her. It's a big step but in my opinion a necessary one if you value your partner. It's very unfair to be thinking about transitioning when she has no inkling of your 'alter ego'. Be fair to her and be sure to give her plenty of time to get used to it. You have had years to deal with being transgendered, don't expect her to deal with it in a matter of days or weeks.
I really hope you can find a balance, even though SRS might be what we would like, sometimes a balance is necessary instead, but that doesn't mean to say it can't still be very good. I wish you the best of luck in resolving this.
Nikki
January 28, 2010 6:00 PM GMT
I had very similar issues Samantha, so I do understand what you are going through. It might be worthwhile talking to others here in the chatroom and browsing the coming out forum as well to see how others handled it. Perhaps it will give you some ideas on how best to approach it yourself. Everyone is different and you know your partner better than we do, but you're likely to get several different approaches that way.
Nikki