Hi All,

I had a dream last night about how different my life would have been if I had told someone about my inner-self (Michelle) at an early age.

The question is - Who would you have told about yourself at 16 and why?


For me, it was a close friend that later became a girlfriend named Deda. I had always thought of her as a close friend, someone you could laugh, cry and share secrets with. She was fun to be around, always supportive and I fell in love with her. She was a great person. Deep inside however, lurked the real me and I couldn't share my biggest secret with her, for fear of losing her. I've often wondered how our relationship would have gone had she known about Michelle. Would she have accepted MIchelle or rejected me?

Instead of a "girlfriend", I would have truly preferred a truly accepting and understanding best friend or dare I hope "sister". In my dream she accepted me! Sleep-overs became about such things as learning how to be Michelle, sharing girl stuff , make-overs and just being sisters, not about boyfriend/girlfriend things. Unfortunately, I didn't share my secret with Deda, and our relationship went in a entirely different direction as did my life.

So, Who would you have told (If you knew back when you were 14)?

Hugz,
MichelleLynn

Michelle Lynn,
At 16 I would have come out, emancipated myself (if I needed too) and transitioned. If I had it to do over again but, I don't. The only thing I have been able to do is to do exactly that vicariously through a piece of fiction I have been writing on the side about a TS that has transitioned during her time in H.S. It is a hard piece of fiction for me as it isn't my main genre's and it brings up so many feelings for me and regrets that I have had to deal with but, it is fun in that I can live that idea vicariously through that character. You might give it a try if it is something that interests you. You don't ever have to show it to anyone if you don't want to but it might be fun to explore those feelings.

Hugs,

Michelle

Michelle Lynn

I wish I had come out to my mother. I was always close to my mother, I think she would have understood and have been at least a little supportive. Since that would have been in 1970 a 'little supportive' would have been a big deal. It is too late now since she has been gone for 20 years now.

Jeri

I'm with Jeri on this one, I wish I had told my mom. When I visited my mother in the hospital during her final days she commented on how my hair was getting longer and that I had pierced ears. My dad kind of changed the subject and I was left not knowing if she knew about me or not. Months later when I told my father about me and he told me he was also TS, he said he believes my mom knew. Whether 14, 16, or 48, I sure wish I could have talked to her about this. She knew about my father all along so there was no reason she wouldn't have supported me.
Hugs with tears,
Marsha

My mom

I think it was obvious to anyone who knew me when I was 16 that preferred being a girl.
I was a punk, and the hair, makeup. leather mini, and fishnets were a bit of a giveaway!

Hi Janis,
Love your sense of humor.... yes the fishnets were a dead giveaway!!!!
For me it was long hair and flowery (60-ish) shirts that could have been male or female.

I suspect some may have suspected, but never said anything.

Hugz,
MichelleLynn

By the way everyone,

Thank you for all your replies and sharing of thoughts. If only Trannyweb had been around back then..... (1960's for me)...

But then one of us girls would have had to invent the INTERNET to make that happen
and all of us know that it was AL GORE (chuckle chuckle) that invented that.

On second thought -- that might have gotten me out of the military draft back then.

For you younger girls on TW..... don't hesitate to follow your heart!!! Times are different now
and many of our fears that hold us prisoners are self imposed. (with some exceptions)!!!

Hugz,
MichelleLynn

Michelle,
I will have to ditto Wendy's post. I graduated in 1964, things were just so different back then, unlike today. Gawd, I did not even know there were others like me. Until my ex-wife and I bought a book about everything you wanted to know about sex and fetishes. This was just a taboo subject.

I also had to laugh Michelle when you said that it might get you out of the draft, There was a big build up in the military for Viet Nam Republic Of. As soon as I turned 18, in 64, I was down at Fort Wayne for my physical, two Sargent's told us when we were doing the paper work, if anyone checked off the very last item in the list of health questions, we would have to go into the back room and prove it. It sort of puzzled me, until I got to it...Are you Homosexual.....sooo like Wendy said, yeah right.
Tammy

Well anybody that mattered already knew about me. My parents kept finding panties and other girl clothes in my room from the age of 6. I trust my brother knew back then. Later in life I lived with him, so he knew at that time, but we never talked about it.
My sister always knew, she even took pictures for me.
My best friend in 8th grade knew, as I used to dress up and we'd "play".
Then my 2 best friends in high school knew I had a thing for lingerie, so they both asked me if there was moreto it than that. As I never had any problems about me dressing, or feeling abnormal about it all, I said yes there is I wear them too. of course they wanted to see me all dressed up. So one night I had them stay the night, and I got all dolled up for them. On several more occasions I got all dolled up for them and a few times we went to the local cruises and just cruise or park and watch all the other cars drive by us. Nothing ever happened between us. In fact one of them is a friend on Facebook now, and we still chat on there.

"Golly Toto wheir not in Kansas anymore"
That's about how I would have to tell my story. I graduated from high school in 1950 - I was still 17 -so one year earlier (duh) I would have been 16.
Think of me as one of the round pegs hammered into the square hole (or is it the other way round?).
After finishing 8th grade I was sent to an all boys high school which specialized in discepline. At home I was to be seen and not heard and my life was pretty much regimented.
I got away by going off to college - thinking I was going to be a missioinary. That didn't last - on returning home (why did I do that?) I was told I would complete college.
I escaped a year later by getting drafted.
Mulling over the original question - there wasn't anyone I could confide in, within my family or my friends. The few friends I had were macho - which was what was ingrained into us at the time. It used to be called the "John Wayne Syndrome."
Thank goodness it isn't "Kansas" anymore.
hugs
Gracie

I grew up in the repressive 40's and 50's so you can imagine how petrified i was of discovery. i wasa convinced that i was the only "boy" in the world like this. I think my mom knew. she and my father always wanted a girl anyways. I wish i could have told my mom. The other person I may have told was my mother's youngest sister. As an aunt she was more lilke a sister and i loved her so much. i think she may have understood. But, of course i never told anyone. The only one who ever knew is my wife. she knew from before we were married. She does not accept and has a very difficult time understanding. When she get angry with me i get my dressing just thrown in my face and i feel so low. life as me sucks.

Hi Wendy,

Thanks for the comment. I agree, but I guess I can understand her feeling. Life is so difficult when you cannot even discuss your innermost self with the one you love, your soul mate. I am so thankful for my sisters here and on other forums and chat rooms with whom I can chat about who I (and we) really are. Why can't the world realize that we did not have a hand in the way we are. That is what is unfair. To know that one will have to live life as a lie. The Native Americans understood people like us. Yes we are "two spirit " people. As you know, not an easy life.

Hugs to you, ericalynne

My dad, who was a very kind and loving man (no Victorian fathers here) just couldn't come to terms with my CDing.
In macho Scotland, where the national dress for men happens to be a skirt, males don't wear dresses!

At age 16, that would have been about 1974±. Who would I have told that I had a gender identity issue? That's pretty simple, exactly the same people that I told back then; absolutely no one.

If I had unleashed that bomb, my father would most likely have done one (or more) of the following things to me. (1) Send me to a Catholic monastery [where I'd certainly be sexually abused and most likely come out as a flaming homosexual drag queen], (2) Send me to an asylum for Electro-Shock Therapy or an "ice-pick" lobotomy, (3) Try to beat some sense into me (4) Sell me to a circus. Probably option number 2.

I first went to see a psychiatrist when I was 30 with symptoms of depression. And even then, I didn't show my cards. It would be another 10 years before I opened that door to look inside. Once opened, there was no way to ever get it closed again. (Nor would I want to!)

About 6 years ago, when I told a friend that I wished I had started my transition before puberty, he said, "Nicole, you weren't ready, and the world certainly wasn't ready for you back then either."

Tell someone in 1964? Yah, right! I was already hiding what I thought I was back then...a sick pervert. I was sure if I told someone I would be lucky to be killed. I imagined being thrown out of the house or hospitalized with dozens of ECT treatments and being beaten by my father. If not him, certainly by dozens of people at my high school. I only feared what I might be. I did not know. I made damn sure nobody else did, either. I hated it back then. Of course I could not abandon it. There was nobody I felt I could tell.

With my understanding today and my experience, my mother would have been the only person I could have told. She accepted me now. However, I believe she might have told my father, thinking it would help. It would not have. He never accepted my shyness and desire not to fight.

Had I known, I guess I could have told people like me in Provincetown, Mass when I was 17. . But then, back then we did not know anything but fear, shame and loneliness.

Hi MichelleLynn,

By the time I was 16 I had locked myself in the darkest, deepest part of the closet.

When I was 14 I told my best friend Kevin that I sometimes dressed as a girl. We were very close friends and felt I had to tell somebody and I thought he'd, if not accept, at least try to understand. No Way! I instantly lost my friend.

It wasn't until I was almost 20 that I left some femme clothes out for my fiancee to find at our apartment. (I was afraid to directly tell her and was so scared I'd loose her too.) Happily it turned out better than with Kevin.

Best,
Melody

That would do it for me, Janis.

As a fifth-former in an all-boys school I wouldn’t have dared tell anyone, I mean, I didn’t dare, but wished I could…
I would have told everyone if I wasn’t living in fear of everyone finding out; mum and dad, my brother, all my schoolmates, my band…
I just felt no-one would understand, and had been indoctrinated to believe it was wrong to want to be the opposite gender, therefore I felt I was in the wrong. Lots of people have asked me why I left it for so long before transitioning, and that’s the reason, it was just wrong, or so I thought.
I wish I’d told someone when I was 4, and wish something had been done about it; I might not have so many male-markers now, and my life would indeed have been different. But c’est la vie, or at least, c’était la vie at that time.
You know though, it’s never too late.
xx

I'm going against the grain here and actually wouldn't have told anyone, it's not their business, but at 18 (rather than 16) I wish I had all the infomation to hand to know how to go about changing my gender permanantly. Unfortunately, it was not to be.

Nikki

Ericalynne,
your wife does not fight fair.

Ericalynne,
They can not understand because most of what they are told is not true. They got me too with that crap and kept me misinformed most of my life.