My family aren’t religious, but my dad is extremely conservative and doesn’t speak to me any more, though he still sends me cards and gifts for birthdays and Christmas.
If I knew how to advise you so that you could avoid this happening I would, but some people just don’t want to even try to understand, and may never come round. Fortunately my mum has been a rock of support, even coming with me to Thailand when I had SRS, she is brilliant. The rest of my family have been fine with it, and I haven’t lost any friends.
I think a letter or email is the best way to explain yourself. You can take your time and put the words in the most thought out way possible; much easier than heat of the moment, face to face. I wrote individual letters to all my close family (except my mum who I told first, in person, even before I was sure I was going to transition). Obviously the letters had a lot in common, but they were written specifically for the individuals in question. I think a personal touch helps, rather than sending out a “round-robin” letter to everyone. I stressed that I was not a transvestite or a drag queen, and this was nothing to do with sexual preference, it was about my core identity as it always has been for as long as I can remember.
My dad might come round one day, but I’m not holding my breath. I think he knows though that I had to do this, basically to save my own life. If people turn your back on you, then so be it. This is your life and you have to live it in such a way that does not bring you constant misery.
It was the best thing I ever did.
xx
By e-mail? No way! This is something that has to be done face to face. Over the phone is fine if the person lives further away.
There is no best way of doing this other than to do it. I do not know your family and friends, but the sooner you tell them the better. If they have problems with your transitioning this will give them time to accept it the closer you get to achieving your goal. Of course, that is supposing that they will eventually accept who you are.
Good luck.
Mere
Reading Janis' message made me stop and think to revise my advice. While telling someone should be done in person, whether in the same room or by phone, perhaps sending a message saying something on the lines of "When can we get together and talk? There's something I'd like to say." By doing so you will certainly perk up the other person's interest, and then it puts you in the position to follow through.
Good luck. Again! And don't we all need it?
Mere
May 29, 2010 12:08 PM BST
When you think about what we put ourselfs through. The risk that we are willing to take. Years of prepairing, taking meds that have a giant effects on our bodys. Major surgerys that forever change who we are. Yet the hardest part seems to be telling those we love. It seems that the biggest risk is losing the love we have of family & friends.