I am so confused about myself.This is me.I am a 42 year old man that has been married for 22 years.Ever since I can remember I have liked to wear womens clothes and have always wanted breasts.My wife does not have a clue.I want to come out just to my wife for now but I don't even know what I am,Gay,Straight,Transvestite or Transexual.I have experimented with hormones because I want breasts so bad but now they are a pretty big B cup and still growing so I have to do something.I love having sex with my wife but ocasionally fantasize about men also.Any help would be appreciated.

A big B cup and your wife doesn't know? I'm not sure I can believe that since I have been on hormones for 5+ years and I have B cup boobs and only a blind fool could not see them. And why do you want your wife of 22 years to know? You mentioned wanting breast a number of times which makes me wonder your real motive. Have you considered seeing a therapist and I mean that for a good reason. A therapist could help you identify what is the proper course for you and work with you to better explain what is going with on with you to your wife.
Best wishes,
Marsha

Bobi,
Marsha has a good point in seeing a therapist - and she meant it in a kind way.
You mentioned that you are 42 and have been married since you were 20 so,
1) At your age, you should not discount the possibility of "mid life crisis" in which your emotions can push you towards the masculine end of the spectrum - or the feminine end of the spectrum. Some men want to get closer to the object of their affections at that time. For some it is a motorcycle etc..and some ..a dress.
2) It is not unusual for men to fantasize about being female to some extent because men are "deeply involved" with the female body (been there...done that...) and find it highly desirable in a sexual way.
3) Males produce a lot of Testosterone and a small amount of Estrogen, Women produce a lot of Estrogen and a small amount of Testosterone so what you may be experiencing right now is a lowering of testosterone -which is not uncommon at your age.

Do your self (and your wife) a favor, see a Doctor and get a good "check-up" (including endocrine testing for hormone levels), and see a Therapist/Psychologist.
All the best!

------------------------------------------

"and my needs entwined like ribbons of light...and I came through the doorway...some where... in the night"

Good advice girls.

Hiya Bobi,

It must be very difficult for you right now in trying to cope with your situation. This is a big step in finding a way to deal with your circumstances, feelings and emotions.

There are lots of people here who share similar difficulties to you so you have found an opportunity to find out how others have coped and the journeys they have taken. No body on this website can give professional advice so with that, the first thing I did when I realised I had feelings and emotions that were overbearing and taking control over my life was to talk to my doctor about it and he referred me to a gender specialist.

It might sound a bit scary talking to a doctor and a psychologist about these feelings but for me the reality of it was a win win situation. Firstly, I spoke with someone who had experience in helping people become more comfortable with their feelings and helping them understand themselves better in a professional environment. Secondly, once I had become settled with my emotions they helped me understand what steps I needed to take and I was supported and assisted with these steps and direction I need to go in. Hence the win win situation.

Thats what I did but you need to explore what options you have so you can make the best choices for you. I hope you take the time you need to make the right choices and I really wish you all the best.

Much Love
Penny
x

HI Bobi,

I would make an appointment with a therapist to help you sort out your true feelings inside before discussing with your wife. I suspect she already knows if you have B cups. Even then, you will need to gauge how your wife feels about the subject, as well as what the best-case and worst-case outcome might be. There are many women here that have wonderful and understanding wives that have accepted them (such as Marsha).

In my situation, my wife reacted in the worst-case scenario by leaving me. It was funny as it was not because of me being Michelle inside or the actual cross-dressing, but because I had basically came out to friends and neighbors and had forgotten what that means / implies about her. A huge burden was lifted from me, but at a huge cost. It was getting very difficult for me to keep lying to everyone as to who I was and I simply felt dishonest all the time. Now that burden is gone, but so is my wife.

Good luck on sorting things out, and I suggest you work with a therapist who specializes in these issues.

Hugz,
MichelleLynn

Bobi

You have come to a good place for advice, it may not be what you hope to hear but it will be honest.

I agree with everyone that you should talk to a therapist, I did and it gave me the tools I needed to find my path.

Good luck.

Jeri

Hi Bobi.
You have been given a lot of good advice here so now you know what to do but don,t put it off as you will get worse , it is obviously effecting you to post it here .
I did read the thread top to bottom and unless i blinked whilst reading i don,t think anyone mentioned hormones! you say you have been experimenting with them! that you realy "should not be doing" , hormones come in all different doses and vary in strength and they are not all the same , they may not suit you (your body ) you need to get your blood tested too and monitored by a doctor if you are going to continue to self med .
I wish you all the best , take care Julia x .

oh Julia, you raise such a profound point regarding Bobi's initial post. Bobi, if you are still listening to this thread I would really like you to spend a minute or two reading another. Its about hormones and I do do a soap box performance but not without reason. I dont want to plagiarise myself again so here is the link...

http://gendersociety.com/[...]=thread

Spend a moment to find what I said. Please forgive me but it is only for your best interests.

hugs
Penny
x

Hi Bobi.
I will just say one more thing that you mentioned , you seem very confused about your sexuality! you say you don,t know if you gay, straight ,tranvestite or transexual , well if you read this thead please don,t think anyone is having a go at you as thats not the case , everyone is trying to help you .
You started off your post saying "i am a 42 year old man" if thats what you think you are then i think everyone would agree that you are not transexual and a therapist would soon pick up on statments like that , i would never discribe myself as a 52 year old man as there is no man in me , at the age of 11 i threw a heavy object at a teacher for calling me a boy, whilst the object was heading towards him i shouted "i am a girl not a boy" in front of the whole class, hence my lack of education as it was a catholic school, i will not go into what happened to me after i made that outburst as it is painfull to look back on and it is not very nice.
Anyway go see your doctor and don,t be ashamed to ask him or her to refere you to a therapist so you don,t have to put yourself through the pain .
All the best and take care Julia xxx

Here in the U.S. there is nothing that says you need to be "referred" to a therapist. You are an hours drive from Pittsburgh where they even have SRS surgeons so finding a gender therapist should not be an issue.
Here are several therapists in Pittsburgh:
Pittsburgh

James Huggins, Ph.D.
Persad Center
5150 Penn Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15234-1627
(412) 441-9786 ext. 223

Michelle A. Keffer, Ph.D.
Persad Center
5150 Penn Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15234-1627
(412) 441-9786 ext. 229

Karen Lewis, M.A., LP
Persad Center
5150 Penn Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15234-1627
(412) 441-9786 ext. 218

Hugs,
Marsha

Thanks for all of the responses.I think you are all right.I am going to make an appointment asap with a therapist.I failed to mention in my post that I am currently way over weight and have Gynecomastia also.Thats why my wife thinks my boobs are normal.On a side note I have been exercising and dieting a lot since the nice weather is here and lost 15 pounds since February.Thanks for all the help I will reply back after I speak with a therapist..

Best wishes
Hugs,
Marsha

I’m a small B cup…
You say your wife doesn’t have a clue; hasn’t she noticed your “pretty big B cup” breasts?
xx