Hi, I'm 31 years old, I was born on the east coast and have been stranded in the southwest since I was very young. When I was growing up I hoped that someday I would become a beautiful woman, however, nature apparently had a different idea. I would describe myself growing up as more of the tom boy type, if I bothered to classify myself at all. There were alot of clues that my parents had missed about who I really am. Partly because they didn't pay real close attention and partly because I learned at really young age how to conform and be the person that the adults thought I should be. This is probably why I later became involved in re-enactment groups and theatre. Even if I wasn't able to show my true self I could at least pretend to be someone different for a change other than who I normally have to pretend to be.

For the most part over the years I have felt truly uncomfortable in my own skin. The first time I think felt comfortable was when my older sister dressed me up as a girl for halloween when I was in Junior High, and then again my Sophmore year in High School. After that second time I realized that I truly felt more comfortable dressed as a woman. When I got married at 23 I started to sneak my wife's clothing and dress in it while she was out of the house. She never noticed because she was apparently to busy with her boyfriends. Even after the divorce I still kept my secret to myself. A part of me was dying to tell someone, and the other part was in denial, I think it was a Libra thing. It wasn't till I started taking human sexuality and gender classes for my psych major that I began to acknowledge that I wasn't alone or a freak. I was hoping to tell my fiance a little down the road about my desires to be a woman while at the same time I have desires for both females and males. When she became pregnant I figured I was out of time and one day I finally told her. Since she had already seen me dressed up as a woman, once on halloween after we had first met and then around home for roleplaying, she was really accepting of the situation.

We are now married and she is helping me to discover my true self while at the same time not exposing my secret. I have been afraid to come out because I still live where I grew up and while they are OK with the joking around, I don't know how they would react. Maybe it will be easier in a year or two after I have moved away. My wife is very beutiful and we are also the best of friends. She enjoys helping me shop for clothes and helping learn about myself and others who are like me. She also understands that this goes deeper then a sexual desire or fetish. When we discuss things that I did as a child and we look at my mannerisms, it is hard to believe that others have not been able to see the little girl that is dying to get out and become a woman.

From the posts I have realIy seen that the members seem to be very caring and knowledgeable. I hope that someone can help me and my wife through this period in my life.

Hiya Ereka,

Aspects of life are only difficulties while a solution hasnt been foundYou are not alone in your journey and you will find lots of understanding, care and support here. Welcome to Gender Society.

Hugs
Penny
x

Welcome to GS, Ereka. Many of us here at GS have experienced similar things while trying to discover who we really are. Unfortunately there are no easy answers but I think you came to the right place to find at least some of the answers and support you will need for your journey. Best wishes always.
Hugs,
Marsha