July 22, 2010 4:31 PM BST
Note: As I often do, I may have missed the point of this thread. If I have, please let me know.
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As far as I’m concerned, I personally don’t feel the need to push for any kind of separate TG parade. It’s a real area of controversy and I can see where there would be some difference of opinion.
I think the problem is a basic disconnect between two camps in the large umbrella known as “Transgender”. There is obviously a percentage of us who wish to be seen as happy, well-adjusted, assimilated women. I’d say, hopefully without correction, that most of us on this site fall into this category. But there is a second group. They seem to delight in “scaring the straights” and turning people’s perceptions on their heads. They wear strange over-the-top clothing, makeup, hair, etc. They do outrageous, sometimes disturbing acts.
I’ve been stealth for about five years. I enjoy being just another girl, I enjoy instantly being gendered female by people who meet me. So a couple of years ago, I was writing/directing/starring/managing in Tulsa Pride’s first trans day during Pride week. I felt that I had a responsibility to everyone who identified as TG. I tried to include everyone in the TG community who expressed interest with being involved in the festivities. As a result, I began having those TG folks “on the fringe” want to hang with me or talk to me, etc.
Now, as I said, I had no problem with trying to be mother to the entire TG family in Tulsa for this event, but three days later, during the Pride festival which was held at a large local park I saw a couple of these folks lifting up their skirts and dresses and showing their bulges underneath. I actively tried to avoid their eyes and somehow will myself to be invisible to them. It didn’t work. From across the park... “Hey girl!! Yoohoo!!” Even it the oppressive Tulsa heat of June, I felt suddenly twice as hot as the embarrassment heat crawled up the back of my neck. I could see people crane their heads to see who they were talking to. I was mortified until I realized that they either didn’t get it, or didn’t care.
Now I’ve come to this conclusion. I don’t need to feel bad about wanting to avoid those folks. In fact, I got a little angry. I work hard to maintain stealth in my everyday life. HRT, electrolysis, FFS, voice training, wardrobe, deportment. There’s a lot of money and effort tied up in it for me. When one person is so clueless or foolish to blow that up, my responsibility for “the community” ends and I have to look out for myself.
I think that as a community, we have to embrace these “shock troops” as one part of our community. But we have no responsibility to make our own lives more difficult and we have no responsibility to embrace these same people in the light of day. I, for one, am done feeling bad about any of it.
Zoey
July 22, 2010 6:14 PM BST
Zoey, thank you so much for your interesting insight. Your example happens to be what I fear in this type of event. What really caught my attention is when you said "I was mortified until I realized that they either didn’t get it, or didn’t care." I have heard others describe similar scenes in that way. Gals standing up in the women's restroom, not bothering to shave, that type of public appearance. As you said, they either don't get it or don't care. And my problem with it is they don't care about not only themselves, but also the embarrassment they bring to our community.
Hugs,
Marsha
July 23, 2010 3:46 AM BST
Anna, once again you are missing the whole concept of what I was trying to get across. I am not against any particular type of TG such as drag queens or whatever participating in the parade, I AM AGAINST THE PARADE! Yes, they do tend to attract the more flamboyant which I am not particularly a fan of, but that is not the point I am making here. I feel parades like this are in your face demonstrations that hurt more than help our cause. I have seen enough pictures and news clips of our local Pride parade to know I don't want to be associated with it in any way. Being in the same city is close enough for me.
Hugs,
Marsha
June 20, 2010 4:48 PM BST
It's nice to know that the Tribune is getting attention! Just like my "Red Trannies" piece!
June 20, 2010 6:25 PM BST
As Frank Zappa once said, "without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible."
Evolution or revolution?
June 20, 2010 7:21 PM BST
I bear all responsibility for any errors in grammar, spelling, etc. Due to circumstances I was not able to proof the piece as I would have hoped. My apologies.
Toni and Marsha, I appreciate your comments. Do we really need such a day? That was the point of the whole article. I do think that raising awareness is important. But we know this already.
Thanks again!
Mere
June 20, 2010 9:52 PM BST
Hi Meredith,
Do we need a TG Day? I wonder.
February is "Black History Month" in the US. I don't think I know a single African American who doesn't have very mixed feelings about it. If I can presume to speak for them, they seem too feel it's good because it acknowledges them and their contributions, but why "segregate" it to one month, and the shortest month at that.
I've participated in Pride events, even though I didn't really feel they were about me. Good fun and companionship but I always felt it was LGB(t) - I'm not a full member.
Would a TG Day be a sort of National Kite Flying Day or Bike to Work Day? A small note at the bottom of a page-a-day calendar to be tossed out in the morning?
As an aging (okay, old) activist from the 1960's, I don't see our cause as having the mass public appeal of the Civil Rights Movement, the Anti-War Movement, the Women's Liberation Movement or Environmental Movement. We just don't have the numbers...
Hope I'm wrong,
Melody
June 20, 2010 11:29 PM BST
As I wrote in the piece, and as Marsha also mentioned, what are our numbers? There are far more than we know, so perhaps such a day would help those who are afraid will come forward.
I don't care for stats. There are more of us than anyone can ever imagine. So what would a phony survey prove?
Mere
June 21, 2010 12:58 AM BST
Marsha, HOW can you describe Pride type parades as a protest march.....& have you ever BEEN to one, somehow i very much doubt that you have.We have them here in the UK in all the Major cities such as London, Manchester, Birmingham & they are anything BUT protests, more often than not they're a celebrationof how diverse life is. For Instance, " Sparkle" is such an event that has been going since 2005 and is now in its 6th year. It gets on average between about 5,000 - 10,000 peeps attending over the 2 days. Now are you going to describe THAT as a protest??. You're a pretty smart girl but in this instance maybe should've engaged brain before typing what you did.
Anna-Marie
June 21, 2010 2:40 AM BST
This is not about gaining petition numbers or the like. This is about getting the scared to stop being scared.
If it wasn't for The Gender Society I wouldn't be out and proud now.
Mere
June 21, 2010 9:57 AM BST
I agree with Marsha on this. For most of those that attend these are nothing more than a way to show themselves dressed in public. No real change is ever going to come from that. I don't realy beleave these are political at all. The news & the world only seem to see those that are dressed like clowns & make being TG a peverted joke.
Look at TV. Being gay is still mostly a joke. Thier goofy sissies or flaming faggots. Yet they look like the gender they are.
We dress different, look different, & act different. Since history began man has hurt, killed, or just laughed at anything different.
June 21, 2010 1:08 PM BST
Just a quick sixpence worth from me. My apologies for the spell check error. The system broke down on Michelle's article this time although we do usually get it right.
I would hope that our contributors would check their copy themselves before sending it to Meredith who would then normally also check it before sending it to me for layout. I usually check every piece myself as well so there should be three stages at which every article gets checked.
Somehow it didn't happen with Michelle's column this time so please accept my apologies for our breakdown in quality control. I have now corrected the item on the site.
If you see any other spullig mistale pleese let mee no and I will have them coructed.
Higs,
Katee z
June 21, 2010 11:09 PM BST
Marsha, you cannot judge pride parades & the like just by watchin local news. You have to actually BE there to experience what actually happens. And as for your quote about "Pride marches or parades" being a protest, .Are you gonna tell me that the likes of London & Manchester Pride's are a protest??well that, to be honest is a complete joke
So 5 - 10,000 for an event is nothing? Sparkle started off small ( 5 - 10,000) but this its 6th year & you can probably treble that amount.
well i'm sorry but what would you know seeing as you never go to anything. Your crack about TG's standing up peeing & being obnoxious in ladies restrooms is WAY wide of the mark. Again,how would you know about these things if you never go. Your holier than thou attitude is really quite farcical, maybe you ought to get off your soapbox, stop preaching to everybody & actually get out there & experience one. Then i would have a lot more respect for you hon.
Anna-Marie
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June 22, 2010 6:42 AM BST
Mere,
Pooh on you! LOL J/K.
I was preparing a piece on TG behavior in public, based on news articles, when I stumbled in here for a rest and scanned the site. I have not read the articles through yet but I may have to dump my files and forget it. On the other hand, I might end up with a third piece to add to the fray.
June 22, 2010 11:49 PM BST
So WHAT if Prides are more flamboyant......does that make them Wrong & those who attend them any the less Human. You know your trouble.....you're a snob.
Anna-Marie
June 23, 2010 11:14 PM BST
Believe what you like Marsha, i'm not really bothered in the Slightest. And had you made that " Piece of Dirt" crack about Lockerbie in Scotland then you'd have been lynched!.
I have said what im wanted to say & am gonna let the matter drop cos life is too god-damned short to Argue about things like this.
Anna-Marie
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June 24, 2010 3:06 PM BST
Hi Penny,
Good for you, hope you have a great time.
And for those who are ashamed and disgusted at what goes on in Pride parades, I can only point the the Shriners and Chinese New Year parades. Lot's of silliness and what would be thought of as bad behavior under other circumstances. Gatherings like parades are there so people can have fun and get out of their normal ruts. Lighten up!
Best,
Melody
June 24, 2010 8:14 PM BST
Though I agree with Marsha, I would still like to go just for the fun of it.
July 22, 2010 11:28 PM BST
Once again, you're talking complete & utter cr@p Marsha. You've never actually been to one of these things & yet you are on youtsoap-box preaching to everyone that pride events are a bad thing. Ok, some of the things you mention might actually happen but if you haven't been to a pride thing, HOW do you know????. I have been to a few and i have never seen the things you say you have. Hon, if you have nothing good to say about 2peeps attending these events then dont say ANYTHING. you're a pretty intelligent girl so how about using some of that "intelligence" to better educate yourself.
Anna Marie