have you ever discovered or found out about peoples lives where they wanted to change to be a transgender if not something else and then found that they would not have any family support for where they are? I guess that it is true for some if not most people. I think that I can be one of them. Work is also harder because who would want to accept someone who has changed. Has anyone met anyone in person who faced that delima and did not know what to do think or say? It is hard to live such a life and be able to go on knowing what support you have in your local area. I think that it is nice to have such good support here with the ladies who understand and can help you thru it.

nathan

I think Cris has answered Nathan's questions really well. As good as my life is now, I had enormous fears early on about losing my wife, family, friends and business. In the end all I lost was a church that really wasn't a family anyways, and a handful of customers of which a few were surprises, but the others are ones I should have stopped servicing years ago.

I think you will find that most people are willing to give you a chance based on how you present yourself. Coming across that you are confident in what you are doing is the right thing for you carries a lot of weight. The other side of that is looking like you are crazy or uncertain about what or why you are doing this, basically destined for failure.

When you enter a new environment, applying for a job, shopping, or otherwise meeting new people for the first time; first impressions go a long ways. I have literally hired hundreds of people over the years and I can honestly tell you that the first impression makes an enormous difference in whether or not anyone wants to learn more about you. I think that is what confuses a lot of people in many of my opinions. I talk a lot about dressing appropriately and that is because I believe so much in first impressions. I am not saying the person is not a good person, but if you don't get past the first impression test, nobody will ever know how good of person you really are.

Hugs,
Marsha

I kinda wish I could speak from experience here, but I can't, because I haven't come out to the majority of my family or to pretty much anyone (one large exception to that being my older brother, but that is another story for another time) but I have done a lot of thinking about it, and many other things that I've been afraid to do. And I forget where I read it, but one quote has stuck with me and I go back to it a lot whenever I start letting my fear stop me from doing something. "You can't stop eating for fear of choking." It seems pretty simple and it always gets me back on my feet. The worst might happen, and it might be tough, painful. Heck it might hurt so much that you won't recover. But just because the worst possible case is bad doesn't mean that its worth giving up something you want, or even need.
Even though fear is something we fight everyday in everything, here's the dirty little secret: Fear is good. It keeps you from doing something without thinking, it stops you from getting complacent, it stops you from losing a part of yourself. Trick is you just can't let it paralyze you.
I like the idea of preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best. Sure there are times you can, and there are times you can't, and when you can't you just have to decide if its worth it, and if it is, then jump in.
A little bit of my life philosophy, as hypocritical as it is, I keep trying to live up to it everyday.

Hey Nathan.

Coming out and acceptance can be a really tricky thing. One thing is always true: There's no telling how people may react. I was very worried about my mom's reaction, but she was wonderful, absolutely wonderfiul about the whole thing. Within an hour of coming out, her first question to me was "What can I do for you, right now?"

When I came out to my three best friends, I thought they would take it hard, but they would be okay with it. I was wrong. They reacted in a way I call "The Big Step Back." That is, they told me they were happy for me and then I rarely heard from them again.

The toughest person to come out to was my friend Vance. Vance has a very mild fform of cerebral palsey. There is nothing wrong with the quality of his mind though. Vance is embarrassed by his disability so he stays inside a lot. I believe he has agoraphobia. I thought he'd be the one who never would want to talk to me again. Dead wrong. To this day, Vance remains the only person I know who has NEVER gotten a pronoun or a name wrong.

People will always surprise you!!

*hugs*

Zoey

Nathan,
I think Marsha has a good sound outlook on the situation. Her experience as an employer highlights a major point. First impressions (regardless of gender) DO count for a lot ... so it is very important to remember that.
If it takes a "GG" (ovarian) a long time to develop her look - it will be that much harder for us after years of the "guy look" and male hormones coursing through our bodies... Rome was not built in a day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"and my needs entwined, like ribbons of light...and I came through the doorway, some where... in the night"

I agree with Angela.

We often face choices that seem unacceptable. In fact, they are merely uncomfortable or unpleasant. I have known people who were suicidal over fear of dying. More common is being suicidal for fear of losing something.......which they will lose anyway if they die. The problem is not logic, but fear. Once you accept the unacceptable you can enjoy the benefits of making that decision. Once I accepted that I COULD lose most of the people in my life or I WOULD lose my Self, the decision was easy to make. It was not pleasant or one I wanted but it was a choice I had to make. Once I decided to admit to being TG if asked, the stress of being TG evaporated. I already know the damage that my burying/denying it had done to me and others around me. I have never regretted that decision and, so far, nobody has said a harsh word to me about being TG. My mom gifted me with clothes after I told her.