Gosh darn it... After 8 solid months of femme body maintenance, my old paranoid male-ego self came clumping in; I cut of my girl hairstyle, deleted The Gender Society from my bookmarks, and then quit shaving my legs and tweezing my brows for three weeks(gasp!)
Fortunately things are back to a "normal" feminine perspective now. (grow faster, oh my pretty little head of hair, grow faster!)
Next time I see her, I am going to tell my hairstylist that if I ever come in there and ask her to cut off all my hair again I would like her to give me a shot of tequila and talk some sense into me quick!
But seriously, I do seem to be handling "gender swings" much better than I used to. I used to completely fall apart and spend weeks or even months wrestling with my inner self, and then go through the same self-torture on the next swing back again.
I want to say thank you to everyone here at GS for providing a place to take a breath, keep things in a healthy perspective, and know that I am not alone.
Thank you!!

Love,
Vonnie

Vania,
We all have gone through that kind of swing - some more than others too.
I am so glad you are back though..
The hair will grow, and hopefully your resolve will solidify.
The next time you feel a "down-swing" coming, come and talk with some of here on this site ..."one for all ...and all for one"
Hugs!!

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"and my needs entwined, like ribbons of light...and I came through the doorway, some where... in the night"

Vania
Next time...well, next time think it over before taking drastic measures.
There used to be a joke about an "anti-smoking group" sort of like AA.
When one of their member was about to break the code and smoke - they'd take she/he out and get 'em drunk.
I know that probably wont happen but drastic measures are needed sometimes.
If you get the urge to purge (gee that rhymes) go buy a new outfit - from skin out and from head to your toes.
You'll feel much better - and poorer too.
hugs
Gracie

Gender swings, as you describe them, are tough to deal with and are part of the process of accepting ourselves, at least for most T-women, I think. There's a lot of fear and guilt that goes with bucking the accepted norm.

Good luck in your continued journey.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. I guess I was not really "back again" when I previously posted. It has been a couple more months, and now I have a rather hip beard and a pair of sideburns to boot!.
But... I definitely hear my inner voice taking on it's good old feminine tones rather loudly now; fear and hesitation are all that are keeping me from resuming a more girlish hair maintenance routine.
Why am I so afraid of tweezing my brows and shaving my legs? I have been through this swing so many times; yet, it still drives me crazy every time.
Anxious to get off the fence (again),
Vania

Hey Vonnie. Purging sucks!! And wastes your money. Next time, you might want to entrust your wardrobe to someone you trust?

Z

Thanks, Zoe.
Fortunately, my wardrobe is still all there; my wife will not let me throw it away (she actually makes me buy expensive shoes so that I am less likely to purge- I sure do love her!).
I also know better by now than to think that one of my shifts of gender is permanent.
I was just venting (whining?) about the change of internal thinking and acting from male to female, female to male, and back again, and again, and again.
But mostly, I am happy to be back here in the girl groove again.
O.K., sorry, that is enoough rambling from me.

Vania,

Welcome back. Stop making reasons to justify spending more money on clothes and shoes and makeup, lol.