My daughter called tonight to wish me a happy birthday. While talking with her she told me about listening to NPR radio this evening on her drive home from work. They had on a story about Theresa Sparks who is a post-op TS running for a city supervisor position in SanFrancisco, CA. She thought I might want to listen to it and said I should be able to find it on the NPR website which I did. http://www.npr.org/templa[...]0703278 There you can read about it or play the audio.

While first reading through the story a part about her voice caught my attention because it was so much like what I often say. She mentioned how much she practiced and in her case she had voice lessons and even voice surgery, but in the end, it is what it is. She says nobody realizes she is TG until she talks. My daughter's cellphone signal was bad so she would dropout occasionally, then call back and it was during one of those periods I began listening to the audio. She certainly does sound male. When my daughter called back I mentioned it and said how in person I have no problem, but on the phone I sound like a guy. I mentioned how my wife bugs me about my voice and that I need to work on it. She surprised me and said she thinks it sounds just fine. That was music to my ears.

Later this evening I played the audio for my wife to hear and she said to me I sounded a lot better than the gal and that I had improved quite a bit recently. Once again music to my ears and coming from someone who has been very critical in the past, it means a great deal.

The voice topic actually started first thing this morning when I was talking to a customer on the phone who I hadn't seen in about a year. So I was updating her on my life and I mentioned my awful phone voice. She replied that it sounds fine to her.

I don't know if it is me, I always try, but when you get the "sir" on the phone it has a way of getting you down. I find it confusing when I can meet new people and they don't seem to call attention to my voice, but over the phone is a different story. I know a lot of it has to do with gender cues. Physically I pass very well and therefore there are enough cues to overcome the masculine voice. However they can't see you on the phone and can only go by the voice. So maybe today is a sign that I am getting better, and something for others to learn by and that is to never give up. Maybe as you settle into your new life and become more comfortable, things like your voice become natural rather than forced. I wish I had the easy answer for everyone.

Hugs,
Marsha

I wish I could say I have no idea about what you are talking about, Marsha. *sigh* But I can't. It's such a big problem for us and I really hope no one chimes in on this thread just to tell us how they've never had a problem with their voice.

What frustrates me more than anything else is that I'm supposed to possess a tool box of skills to handle this. I'm a classically trained actor and I've taken years of vocal training. The thing is, I had such a huge voice that all my voice teachers had me bringing my voice up from the lowest and most bass areas that I could reach without sounding...well like I was reaching.

It's really made breathing for my female voice very difficult. Actually, the funny thing is, when I meet someone new, or on the phone, my voice is just about perfect. It's when I get too comfortable around people...that's when I have problems. When I'm comfortable with someone, I stop thinking so actively about it. I just talk. I need more power and consistency. Though it sounds good, even when my voice is spot on, there isn't any power behind it.

I've tried the Andrea James DVD. It just didn't work for me. It makes me feel really awful when I get that look from someone who was, until then, clueless about my born gender.

Marsha, if you find a good solution, please let me know. I'm shopping for voice teachers right now.

Z

Zoey, I know exactly what you mean when you say it's when you get comfortable around people. I usually start off fine, but as I get deeper involved into the conversation, whether you want to call it as the excitement builds, my level tends to build and that's when my wife comes along and says something sarcastic about my voice. It must be like you say, we stop actively thinking. The comments I get from my customers are basically how I have a soft voice so it is fine. I think I am talking from the correct part of my throat and just like you said, there is little power in my voice. So maybe it is when I try and add power because the excitement builds or whatever, I lose control and it becomes masculine. Hopefully we can find a way to move past that.

Hugs,
Marsha

Hey Lucy.

No problem about the British references. When my voice is right I usually sound like a slightly more husky version of Demi Moore's voice. On a very good day. With the moon in Scorpio. On a Tuesday. After 3 PM.

Z

Hi Everyone, I think this subject is the most difficult one for me to work on as well. A number of people say that my voice is very natural and nice yet today I had someone phone me and during the security process asked me if I was Miss Penelope <blah> 4 times, and after I said "For the fourth time YES!" I promptly hung up in frustration!

It does knock me for 6 when I am floating along merrily in my life and someone has the ignorance to take my physical difficulties and slap them into my face.

For me it is a bit of a double edged sword. On one side I have the freedom to be who I am so however I am shouldn’t matter to anyone, I should be free from the burden of living up to other people’s expectations whilst on the other side I try to improve how my voice sounds making me feel better and more confident in going out into the big wide world which in turn means I am unhappy with how I am treated by some people.

I'm sure if I work at both with determination they will meet somewhere in the middle and I will be happier for it.

Lots of love
Penny
x

Heya,

this is a difficult one. I was lucky that in Australia our Medicare offers a 6 week course where they help you with different techniques on how to sound femme. It was lots and lots of work and still you dont sound perfect at the end of it.

I remember going shopping and if I hadn't spoken for a while the first couple of words would squeak out terrible male sounding, well a teen boy whose voice was breaking maybe.

The tip I think that served me best was to watch your intonation. A lot of women have deep or husky voices, a big difference between male and female voices is that women have a huge range of intonation. When ever you speak try raising and lowering your intonation many times during a sentence.

Now the next bit may be specific to sounding like and Aussie chick as we do have a particular sound. Imagine the front of your face is a mask. Try to talk through the upper front of it. I know it sounds strange but it did help after I understood what the hell they meant by it. The male voice box is larger with longer vocal cords. The aim to to use half of your vocal cords. Thinking to project your voice up and out makes it easier to use half of the vocal cord. The goal is that like any muscle not often used it changes and gets harder to use.

I am a talker. I love to talk so me not being able to sound feminine when I spoke was going to make life really hard. That being said if also gave me many more opportunities to practice. I suggest talk, talk to everyone you can as often as possible. I know its hard and it can knock your confidence but its the only way to get it done. I did work in a call center for a while. I was just a voice on the phone but I was never mistaken for a guy. It took a lot of work to get there but I think it worth it. Why go to all the trouble of transitioning and looking fabulous when the moment you open your mouth you ruin it all.

I look in the mirror and see the woman I've always wanted to be.
My let-down is my voice.
My attempts range from Barry White to Monty Python.

I dont know what to say except keep trying really. I f I can find my old notes from the voice training I did I'll stick them up but I fear they are long gone.

Try copying spoken word. I had a few cd's that I would listen to in the car where basically it was a chick saying stuff. It was good to copy her and try and follow her vocal pattens.

There was a exercise we did where what we did was hold two fingers on our voice box. One at the top the other at the bottom. When you talk like a male both the top finger and the bottom finger will feel the cords vibrating. Now try and talk through the top front of your face. You will need to imagine where the sound is coming from. If you can mange to talk with only the top finger feeling vibrations your on your way to retraining the voice box.

Then all you need to do is open your mouth and let the words fall out. I often get told I have a lovely sounding voice and that I should be on radio (which I will be tonight - east side fm if your in Sydney). It makes me proud as unlike many girls I sound the way I do due to hard work a perseverance not luck.

I find putting on a record by female artist, in the morning and singing along .... in my case to debbie harry in blondie and thinking about how she talks or would respond to people helps. A sort of visualisation thing.

I do a "singalong" to my favourie songstesses as well.

I've seen (well "heard" would be a better word) too many people who have very effective vocal transitions to think thfamiliarity at I can't do it too. I just need to find a teacher. I've run into a couple of teachers who say in a very halting way "Yes...well...I'm going to be busy over the next few months." Don't know if it is dislike of who I am or a lack of familiarity with changing the spoken voice, or if they just are really busy.

Z

Lucy empathises…
My voice is naturally deep, with a hint of huskiness to it. I find it easier to sound feminine talking in a soft voice. Obviously I have to raise my pitch from where it used to be, but I find the louder you need to speak (like in a pub or something) the higher your pitch needs to be. That’s probably when I stop sounding quite so feminine. In a quiet, intimate situation where I can talk softly, there is an in-between pitch, higher than it used to be but not silly and squeaky. Think Fiona Bruce (British newsreader), that sort of pitch. I find that a comfortable talking voice, not forced. One has to be careful not to let it become monotone though.
As Zoe says, the more familiar I am with people the more likely I am to forget about what my voice sounds like, and as Marsha says, the longer I engage someone, the more likely I am to relax and let things slip.
I’m finding the phone not too bad these days, used to get Sirred all the time in the early days. When the phone rings, I pause, take a gentle breath and answer in my bestest, sweetest, “Hellooo?” I think I need to raise my pitch a little more on the phone. When you meet someone in person, whether or not you get read, there is no ambiguity; a woman is presenting herself, she will most likely be addressed as such. If you have been read, the person who has read you must then make a conscious decision to call you Sir, usually just because he is a bit of a twat. Most people who read you will still call you Madam (Mam etc), because it’s obvious you wish to present as such. The person on the other end of the phone is not staring you in the face, they don’t know whether you are male or female and they won’t even think about it when you speak; they will just hear a voice and address it accordingly, for the most part, a subconscious decision. Higher pitch is a big clue towards a feminine identity. I just have to avoid going over the top else I start to sound like a very camp and effeminate gay man. For some unknown reason I find it easier to answer the phone than to make a call. I find an answering “Hellooo?” easier than an introducing, “Hello”. Perhaps because I tend to raise my pitch on the second syllable of the answering, “Hellooo?” as opposed to dropping the pitch on the second syllable when introducing myself (think Ian Macaskill – BBC weatherman).
Tiny inflections can make a big difference.
No-one said it would be easy…
xx
Sorry about the British references, couldn't think of any American equivalents, and also it's harder to compare pitch and inflection with someone using a very different accent. My newsreader voice, well-spoken English with no strong accent, is the one I fall into when comfortable and in quiet surroundings. It's hard to find an American accent to use as a "role model", or even to compare with. Not that I don't love certain American accents of course.

Hi Fiona,

"I remember going shopping and if I hadn't spoken for a while the first couple of words would squeak out terrible male sounding, well a teen boy whose voice was breaking maybe."

That sounds so familiar. I, unfortunately, have very male voice. If I try to raise it to a higher pitch, I sound ridiculous. So I soften it and hope for the best, LOL.

I've even been "ma'am"ed when in male/andro mode, but my voice always gave me away.

One problem I've always had is that GG's raise and lower the pitch of their voices to express emotion. If I try to do that, I tend to fall back into male mode. If I try to maintain the soft vocal and I get excited and I fall into a really awful falsetto (not Michael Jackson or Frankie Valle, but Tiny Tim at his worst.)

In the last 24 hours I've heard a female economic analyst on a PBS radio interview and a female writer/historian on the History International cable TV channel who both had more masculine voices than I do, maybe there's still hope.

As for over the phone, I usually was taken as a male when answering at a call center, but every once in a while I got called "miss" - those customers got very good service.

Best,
Melody

I work in a Customer Service Centre (or, using the equivalent of 'Trannie', a Call Centre). Hence i spend about three-quarters of my time on the phone.
I get about 50:50 Sir or 'other'. If asked my name, most accept Sue or Susan immediately. Some sound confused. And the few left, (and it is a small percentage), often comment along the lines of, "Really?", or, "Unusual name for a man". I have stock list of answers, as you can tell how to respond from their manner, and often get in to lengthy conversations, much to my manager's displeasure!

From first transitioning 10yrs ago I knew that I would never 'pass' easily in sight or sound, (I'm 55 now, a bit wrinkly and have smoked for about 40 of them), so I approached the whole thing with relatively low expectations. All 'Ma'ams' were and are a bonus, and in fact things generally turned out better than I could have hoped.

So though I get by in person more often than not - people are really quite unobservant - my voice can and does sound like a man.

Sometimes it gets to me, but I was what I was and am what I am.

A woman with a deep voice.