August 26, 2002 1:23 AM BST
I have been walking round smiling at myself today.Why? Because three years after my first visit to a therapist,I did something totally female,without any planning or forethought.Not much,just a simple act,but it meant a lot.
Like most of us(I suspect),before venturing out,at least some though goes into what to wear and the associated make-up etc.and I was no exception,even though I have been full-time for 2 1/2 years.Just a trip to the local shop in jeans and top mode required some work,because I WOULD NOT go out without doing justice to my new gender.
So what was different today? Got up late-well it is sunday-breakfasted,lazed around a bit and so on.Needed some cigarettes(no lectures please) and some other things,so off to the shop.Still in lazy mode.Jeans, t-shirt,trainers,and go.Normal routine for most of the women I know.Wrong! Usual check in mirror as I leave caused an immediate halt to proceedings.I found I COULD NOT go out the door looking like that,despite having done so on previous occasions.The clothes were fine,they're all womens anyway,but the hair and face-no way.
Fifteen minutes later I was 'presentable'.
Like I said,nothing much to shout about,but to me it was such a feminine reaction,after 'actng' so often,and thinking ahead for what seems so long,I just felt good about myself.
There's hope for me yet
Sue.X