April 7, 2005 6:59 AM BST
Beware Meridith,
Wendy is trained in counter-gorilla and little-monkey techniques and anti-trannyist operations. I can double tap a water-balloon at 25 yards, leaving you with a wet jumpsuit and a lopsided chest. We take no prisoners. My dress has been assigned a code-name. for protection designation, of "Stunning". Highly skilled siswarriors in gold lame jumpsuits will protect it at all times. They are trained to scratch for the eyes. Failing that they will cry pitifully and Wendy will sulk. In addition four mentally disturbed dogs that will bark at a bee fart are on duty at all times as well. Be warned! Convicted wardrobe terrorists are held without trial or manicures or even makeup, forced to wear flats and no stockings. Also, we have wire clothes hangers of mass destruction....and we are not afraid to use them.