Although I have told a few people, I still must remain closeted. But I wish at least I could talk more about it at home. I just refer to TW as "the forum," and have, as mentioned in a blog, told my wife she could come here. In one of her angry states, though, she referred to us as "You and your skirt-wearing friends." When I mentioned the TM, she dryly said "Lovely." Some of you have been mentioned at home, like Christina, Mariette, JJ, and, of course, Nena. At one point I thought she was going to be accepting of my TW friends. Nope. Wrong again!

I wish I could talk about my friends here more. For instance, Nena really helped me out with something a short time back. Then there was also you girls keeping your eyes open for me. We wonder if there's Harry Potter merchandise in the UK that isn't available in the states. Our kid is crazy about HP. I mentioned I could find out. Later she asked me again if they could do so. I had to say "You do realize who these people are, don't you?" Then she replied, "I can only imagine." Some of you have been looking around for me for these items, and for that I thank you. Remember - don't buy anything until I send you the money first.

I made the mistake once of mentioning a blog that Nena wrote - the one about her wedding. I wrote a comment to Nena asking if she was the bride or the groom. I thought it was funny. Maybe on TW, but not around this household.

So I have to be quiet. I don't want to upset her. All fem clothing is taken off before I pick everyone up at the end of the day. But I wish I could share this place more. My shrink sees that I find acceptance here. The other day, at our wonderful fight where I was once again called a "freak," this place came up. I defended you, and myself, bringing up that sometimes those who are TG meet with violence. And for what? Doesn't that phrase go "Silence=Death?" Or am I misquoting that? Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I guess the times I can mention my TW friends is when I'm talking to people who have no idea about Meredith. But I don't belabor the issue or run it into the ground. The silence is what bothers me more than anything.

Hi Mere,
suffer in silence, Mmmmm i like that phrase but sis you are not alone in the suffering. There are lots and lots of us who suffer in silence take Catherine Well's who also has a family, god knows its hard i haven't told my dad yet, wait till he finds out.
What i suppose i'm trying to say is you have us here to chat with and explode at, i know its not the same as having us right there in your living room. At least you can find some comfort on TW some girls around the world can't. So who is suffering in silence.
As for your wife it will be a long time until she excepts Meredith if at all, Babe just be paitent and give her the love she needs. If you can show her the love she will start to back down...........all my love JJ xx

Good points, Gina and JJ. I guess I suffer in silence at home. I do, however, have all of you and TW, so I can speak and shout as loud as I can. As soon as possible I'm getting the full membership here. Katie has worked so hard to give us this safe harbour. I want to repay the favor to her, and to all of you for being there for me. How much I wish I could see and/or speak to you! Yes, I am alone sometimes, and, no, sometimes I'm not.

Hi mere, C'mon girl where else can we be this open. I belive in misbehaviour and not keeping my mouth shut but I will be tactful about it. Because at the end of the day we are who we are and the more we accept it the better. I know silence is easy and there are significant people in my life who are not remotely ready to understand me and what I'm doing but I'm understanding myself better now. This is what really matters.

When I split with my GF back in feb' I think the real reason was she resented me being a part of a community that she was never going to be fully part of. She actually hated me being on chat more than me dressing as a tramp..err I mean lady.

I said to someone (cant remember who) that a possible way of getting your SO to understand is to try and involve them more. I feel a bit cheeky saying this as I went about it completely the wrong way myself. But I did learn from it.

I know you want more. It was always part of me and it is my chosen drug now...to coin a phrase. Thing is though I have fewer bonds now with my old life...some of it is sad. But I hope/know what I have gained is what I want.

It's never gonna be easy my friend but you will find a way belive me.

t/c now Ne X

Nena, your response, and everyone else's, makes so much sense. And as much as I love misbehaving, too, and am an Anarchist, there are just these damn roadblocks. With my chaotic schedule these days I don't much of a chance at all to dress like a tramp, I mean, uh, lady. Well, maybe the outside is drab but underneath is about 99% of the time femme! Thanks again, Nena. You take care, as well. Love you all, Mere