Hi Mere,

I really hope that your family situation works out. It is hard when someone you care about deeply gives you an ultimatum. It hurts deep inside. Whatever you decide so do, remember that you have a group of supportive sisters here. Is there anything we can do to help?

An Appreciative Friend,
Michelle Lynn

Girls, I'll be brief. I might have to make a very painful decision regarding not only my dressing, but my friendships here at TW. In short, I've been given an ultimatum. I'll be away for a few days while I work this out.

I can't stop crying.

Gloria I agree as far as brothers, sisters, aunts, & uncles.
Although it would still hurt. Mere is talking about Wife & child. A person has to be true to themself. I'm cd I wouldn't like it but I would give it up for now. But I know it would never leave me.
Karen

P.S
The clothes didn't make Mere who she is. She was allways there. People can see I'm a little feminine if I'm being Karen or not.

Dearest Meredith
Im sure I can safely say that I am not alone in wishing that you will be able to find a happy solution to your present situation. My heart goes out to you.
Take great care
Dorothy xx

Girls, I appreciate all your goodwill. Thank you. We did have a good day today (for the most part), including going to the library where I picked up a book called "My Husband Betty." I have no idea how good it is yet, so I can't vouch for it. She was not pleased at all, but I felt so proud of myself when I checked it out. I tried to show her my long black skirt earlier today but she merely turned her head.

I have a tough road ahead. This is not something I can just dismiss in a heartbeat. With that and all the financial problems, I'm surprised I'm still married.

I'm going to do my best to put off any decision. For now I can't talk to anyone in person. It's been demanded that nobody from TW call me at home anymore, so I'm going to have to ask that of those of you who have my number. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

It doesn't matter if you ever come back again or not. The girls at Tweb will allways love you. Only you can choose what is best for you & your family. Good luck whatever you choose.

Karen

Mere honey,i'm so sorry to hear things have got THAT bad...you don't deserve this one bit i'm sure things will work thenselves out.I've read your bit about not phoning and i will fully respect your request.One thing i will say is that when things are finally sorted and you want someone to talk to,then i will ALWAYS be here for you....just like you have been for me when i needed someone.Have faith hun,you are not alone! love anna-marie xxxxx

Although there's been a thawing lately, and some pleasant conversation, I feel like such a royal a'hole for asking people not to call me. She also made it clear she wants me to lay off calling any of you, especially the European girls. That's also from a financial standpoint because those phone bills can get quite expensive! I'm going to write it up in a blog tonight. I'm so sorry I had to say any of this.

No, I shouldn't have to deny what I am. But I do love her, and I really owe her a lot in so many ways. That doesn't mean I have to suppress my true self. Still, I think what will happen is this will calm down as long as she doesn't feel TW is entering our home, which we're strugging to save as it is.

I'll know more by the end of the day.

Sandra, you always have such great words of wisdom. I do agree with you and will approach it in that fashion. Thanks.

And thanks to all of you for your support in these difficult times.

Hi Meredith,

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through some tough times. I can relate to you as I have a family also (SO & kids). I think we all know that our TG feelings will never go away...but every situation is a bit different and you are the only one who can really decide what's going to be best for you in your situation.

I think it's great that you're getting all this advice from the rest of the girls as we all want to help each other...but at the end of the day hon it has to be your own decision as to how you will deal with this. No doubt that being single would have been a lot easier to make any kind of a decision.

As for my own situation, there are good days and bad days. My SO is the only person I've come out to. It's basically one day at a time but it has gotten somewhat better than it was at the beginning when I first came out. Here's where things may start to get ugly for me: I really want to come out some more by meeting girls in my area, maybe joining a support group and my SO doesn't want Monika leaving our home...period!

I don't know how I'm going to get around this. It's going to take lots of time and negotiating with her...and may never happen at all. No one ever said that being a married and TG was going to be easy!

I really do hope things work out for you (and me!) hon. Keep your chin up. You have a lot of support here

Hugs,

Monika

Thank you all for your kind words. You're really helping me out a lot. When I go to teach today I will definitely have some Meredith with me.

Treena, if I have so many friends here it's because of them, one of whom I hope is you. Or, let me correct that - I KNOW you are one. The girls here at TW are lifesavers, and I have pointed that out around the house. Anna-Maria and JJ especially gave me some sound advice a little while back when things were really bad and I felt as if all would be better if I weren't around.

I'll post a blog later today to discuss what's going on. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP.

my thoughts r with you hun, didnt realise things had got that bad , you no were i am if you want to chat , drop me an email , im here for you

Meredith,

I know exactially how you feel at this point. Don't rush anything and give her a little time to figure out what this means. Even little things still set off my wife, like on Saturday I was washing some of my lingere. I hung it in the back room in the basement where I have left it before to dry, but this time she saw it. Didn't really speak much the rest of the day and actually layed down and slept for two hours in the evening, which is really out of the ordinary. Today, it is like it didn't happen, so things can swing back and forth in an instant.

Hang in there, and I'm thinking of you and your wife.

Huggz...

Casandra

Wow I feel very sorry for you. I'm married too and my wife, while not comfortable, has tried really hard to accept the other woman in our lives We're at the point where it's not an issue providing my wife comes first, which I see as fair.

I noticed you mentioned your phone bill was stopping you being able to call. Try Skype.com it's internet telephony and costs about 2/3 cents a minute to call just about any country in the world. You need a mic and headphones but the quality is as good as a normal phone.

You have no reason to feel shamed. Keep being open and honest and I hope it works out for you.

Thanks for your concern. I appreciate it. Things are actually good FOR THE MOMENT. We actually had a very nice weekend. As for calling, I don't have the hardware to be able to do what you suggested, although I will look into it.

I'm not ashamed as to being Meredith. It's one of the things I do like about myself. My wife has a great therapist who enabled her to see that this is a part of me that will never go away. I don't have to throw out my clothes, and I don't have to leave TW. Not that I would, anyway.

Thanks again

Mere,

We've never met, but your circumstance is one I've experienced. Here is my experience.

I came out to my wife as a crossdresser after 6 years of marriage. We slept in separate rooms for a year. Intimacy ended. I was devasted at her reponse because I had 'come out'. The burden of hiding my 'secret' was destroying me.

A year later, motivated by a wish for children, she reconciled. I say it that way as it was presented as an absolute, never again, ever, anything, ultimatum. I promised, promised, promised.

Life didn't get better. For either of us. I doubt she ever really believed me. For me, the feeling of being trapped increased. I denied and denied. Job pressures, striving to be the perfect husband, make good money, striving to be the perfecct husband, do everything she wanted of me, striving to be the perfect husband, get a house, have a nice car, travel, look good to the neighbours, look good to the family, go to the theatre... In short, Mere, the noose tightened and tightened and tightened.

I became incontinent for a period of time. I was travelling extensively - it was humiliating. It was attributed to all sorts of things.

I 'gave up' the promise realizing that the biggest lie was to myself. Ultimatums are scary things but very clarifying. If an ultimatum is given at least they've shown where they stand. They have to be able to accept the consequences of their ultimatum and you if you accept it have to accept the consequences of that. But don't lie to them or yourself, like I did and break that promise if you do.

I am now transitioning. We are still together. We are still better together than alone even without children to bind us. I gave her an ultimatum, that I couldn't stay if I had to maintain a charade of who I really am. I wasn't going to survive that.

Our relationship is far, far, far from perfect, but I offer what I can to give her love, make her feel wanted and make her feel safe. In return, she has accomodated and continues to as I change. I'm accomodating too.