This is an email I received from my ex, Cathy, after I spent the weekend there. Wehave had our ups and downs, mainly the latter recently, so this was an excuse to try again. It is both poignant and relevant to any stage of 'T' girl, and well worth reading,if you dress for halloween or like me are going all the way, if you are eight or eighty. There are pointers here for everyone, and those who have read it have been moved as much as I was.
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Hi Sue

It's too hot to sleep so I thought I'd take a break from trying to sleep and send you an e-mail instead.

Thank you very much for all your hard work on our computer. We did need a boost in the right direction and you have done us proud.

It was so nice to see you happy and content. I enjoyed your visit and unlike the past I felt really comfortable. At last we have overcome the hurdles and I pray that we can continue in this way. xx I do appreciate how hard it has been for you to change your life in the way you have done - it has been quite dramatic - but I do understand, now, that it has been a good move for you. It's easy to accept people changing their lives when it has no impact on your own but when it does things are much harder. I'm sure, with your contacts on your chat rooms that you probably understand some of the problems I faced. I do understand that you were very involved with your own difficulties but it was hard for me, Peter, your Mum, Clive and my family to follow you and support you. We had so little information and so little understanding that it was like a fog to us all.

I feel, after this weekend especially, that I have finally come to terms with what has happened. I think that is because I realise that you were right to do what you did. I think in my mind, previously, that you were on a crash course for doom and so kept my distance. I think your previous crash courses for doom didn't set me up for trusting your instincts. Well, you have proved me wrong this time!

I must admit, I didn't like the kinky in yor face transvestite period. I didn't like the mood swings - but, heh, everyone has to put up with mine so that is a little bit tight on my part. I felt at times you were bossy about what you were doing and didn't consider the feelings and catch up time on what you we we struggling to understand. I didn't appreciate Kelly (but then, I had Phil for company and he was as bad) so we have both learnt a few lessons there.

If there is anything you can take back to chatrooms, from the close relatives perspective, is for people with transgender problems not to be too pushy. Get on with what they believe in but wait for their relatives to take a breath, and reintroduce themselves into their life, if they wish to,and see if they wish to join in with the new identity. The route is a long one for people with transgender problems and their lives are very up and down. Any relative has the option to take a break from that relationship and then rejoin if they are allowed and if they wish to. I thought that we were over and out, but five years down the line (and it has been very hard at times) I believe we have come through the storm. It is a stormy ride for all.

I'm really happy that we are now friends. Please treat me with consideration because I am a new friend and I don't know Sue very well! However,l I thought Sue was a very patient and thoughtful person. Sue has certainly become much more feminine over the past year and has lost her aggressiveness - it is a very positive move. The female sex works best when being non aggressive and can manipulate better .. remember the men can always beat us in a fight of aggression cos they have that bloody hormone you hate so much and it makes them bolshy! The strategies of a woman are as important to being a woman as removing the parts - if not more. I remember at school, it wasn't the man with the biggest D.... that was a man - it was down to his strategies - i
really I mean his character. That stands for women too.

I'm really pleased about the news about your new home. Tell Cliff that I'm glad that you have a sensible friend at last! It was lovely to talk to Cliff and, being a family person himeslf, I feel comfortable that he will cope with any visits Peter makes appropriately, I don't want to stunt your life or Cliff's but if Peter is to visit I do appreciate thoughts in his direction, about how he feels and how he is comfortable. Ken in his high heeled boots on a Sunday afternoon made me feel quite uncomfortable .... Adults should show respect as much as children and I don't think Ken had even given that a thought. I'm sure Peter will be quite comfortable with Cliff or Alice if it's not so in his face. He wouldn't like it if I dressed like Ken at any time of the day ... he is only 11 years old. Enough said, I think Cliff is the best friend of your's I have spoken to. Nice person and what a hell of a person to have achieved what he has done in the past few weeks.

In truth, I'm really proud of you. You're still a horrible mess with money ... but heh Rome would never have been built if you had been the organiser... so chaos with money will reign Really pleased you've got a car cos I hate driving and you with a vehicle is a lioness caged.

Anyway, it's now late so I must try and sleep.

Love

Cath xx

Thanks for sharing that Sue. Food for thought in there. As someome who is also trying to get to stage where her "ex" can also remain a friend it's nice to know that it can be done.

Cerys x