Hi girls,

As for taking time away, just let me explain briefly. No, that person whose name starts with the last letter of the alphabet was not driving me away. But with all the arguments, and some of the crap in my own life, everything was just coming together at once. I didn't feel very personable towards anyone, and, like I wrote, when I get like that it's best that I'm by myself. Then there was that new member whose icon has the middle finger in it. Lovely. And, as you can probably guess, things are doing ANOTHER reversal here at home. The thing is, I can't blame her for being mad at me. So whenever I disappear like that, just remember that my mood dictates that. I would rather be alone than to say something nasty to someone who might not deserve it.

I was not looking to be the center of attention, nor for people to beg me to stick around. I do appreciate all your words of encouragement.

Tomorrow I have a job interview. The funny thing is it's in the same town as Backstabber University! The job is not in academia. Still, it's a full time gig, and if offered, I'll take it.

I might have a few days soon to be Meredith as much as I want. My wife has to go back to DC for a damn job meeting. She may send our kid to St. Louis to be with my mother-in-law for a week. If that happens I'll have about 3 days totally alone to do what I want. I've been invited to go a tranny-friendly restaurant. Helen Boyd introduced me to someone - a married CD like myself - and we really struck up a friendship. So I might finally get out like I've been promising.

So, I'm just trying to keep it all together.

One of the things that bothered me, Sandra, is that I was really getting in the mood to pop him a good one in the jaw. Being in the States, however, that would have been difficult. I don't want to be violent. I don't want to hurt anyone. The fact is I felt like doing it.

You know darn well we all love you and defend you.

And as for you, Miss Tiina, as long as I ply my parole officer with liquor and cheap women, he is very happy.

I've decided to completely ignore him, although I must admit I did like telling him off, and letting him know I'm not afraid.

You are always here with a good word, sound advice, and the ability to show someone at least two sides to every story.

By the way, if I ever make it to Italy, will you show me around?

Sandra. Me and L.O. have decided that "?" is now Persona Non Grata, and we won't EVER acknowledge HE again...Not nice I know,
but sometimes it's for the best.
Much Love, Elly. XXXXX

I'm so glad you're back Mere....the place wouldn't be the same without you! love and xxxxxxx anna-marie

My heart goes out to you all, but I don't think this type of forum should be allowed under any circumstance. Mean spirited rants against a member who you only name in code seem silly beyond belief. It's fitting that the behavior of schoolchildren was mentioned because this is the web version of classroom note passing and a whispering campaign. Newsflash! You don't have to like everybody here, and it is not the job of your alphabetic member to be the Greek chorus for whatever idea of the week is being sold in the forums. There is a type of person in life we call in the USA a 'stand up guy'. Stand up guys can be any gender btw. Stand up guys never speak about person behind their back, they never threaten violence either and never kick a dog that's down. The concept of discussing beating or killing someone because you dislike the views they hold shows real immaturity, and spare me please any bleatings about the maturity level of the member you are blackballing unless you have the courage of conviction to identify him openly. Shame ladies, shame.

ZIGGY

Very good Elly! It's a good start, but why not just tell him directly? Sneaking around in forum is ill mannered, and as I said, threads designed to attack members are a direction I am sad to see TW take. I enjoy reading the thoughts of everybody, both those I agree with and those I don't. Ideas don't hurt people, people who think only their ideas matter hurt people, and if you think Ziggy is not one to consider the validity of your ideas, you are sadly mistaken.

Thank you so much for prompt reply, I am humbled in your presence. If you check back I told Z openly what my actions would be ,in certain circumstances. Neither nice, nor honourable, but in the circumstances...But why do I persist?
You obviously know more about this than I do.

No need to be humbled, I'm just "regular folks" hon. Check back where? Ziggy has not posted to this thread, and my comments are concerning THIS forum thread, sorry if you are not clear about that. I've not yet had occasion to read your prior postings, but since you describe them as being dishonourable and not nice, I'm going to take a pass. Life is just too darn short for that sort of thing! Your last line puzzles me, but so do poison pen threads. Enjoy your life and as we say here, "Have a nice day"!

Solange, maybe you should hang out with ZIGGY. There, I said the name. Happy now? You both now have this knack to take an innocent enough thread and start something negative.

So you think I'm being childish? Have you tried learning how to read?

Pull the clouds from your addled brain for a minute. Did you for once read anything I had to say about this? Did you read any of the other posts about how I was feeling? Did you read ANY of the postings where I told ZIGGY I was not afraid of him and would stand up to him anytime? DID YOU READ ANYTHING I POSTED?!?!?

Did you see the fights that went on here just over a week ago? ZIGGY even managed to take the London bombings and turn it into a fight. I want nothing to do with him. I have openly said so. Did you know this?

I was trying to make my point as to why I wanted to be quiet, and to do so without starting a fight, nor giving jerks any unneeded publicity. I also mentioned, if YOU READ ANYTHING, that a lot came together at once, so I just wanted time alone.

Thanks Meredith

I stand by all I've written.

Thanks Linda! You've always been great!

By the way, Solange, did you read my views about violence, even against someone with whom I agree? Did you? Did you ever once see how I told [this person] that he needs to accept other points of view? [This person] went out of his way to insult, and harass, as many people as he could. He does this on a regular basis. Where are you when he's like this? Do you ask him to stop?

ANSWER ME THIS NOW - DID YOU EVER SEE ME THREATEN SOMEONE WITH VIOLENCE BECAUSE THEY DISAGREED WITH ME?

I'm an academic. Constructive criticism is part of our field. I NEVER want to punch someone because they disagree with my conclusions. I learn from critiques. Were you aware that I give papers at conferences, where critiques given in front of the audience are the norm? You have no idea what anyone has to go through to get something published. It's worse for academics than for fiction writers. I welcome other points of view, and I am DAMN PROUD to say I invite those from my students.

Shit, now I'm pissed again. I meant this as a nice thread.

I don't need this shit.

You obviously didn't see my threads....

Stand by all you want. You are still wrong.

Do you have the guts to answer my questions?

I started this thread to explain why I wasn't in the mood to talk, just to let it run its course.

Great, now another fight.

Should have stayed away.

I'll tell you what Meredith, obviously you are having some trouble here with a differing opinion. I don't want to stress you needlessly tonight. I will answer your post tomorrow, promise. Enjoy your evening.

Sandra, thanks. Once again you are the voice of reason.

NO! Do not post me! You didn't answer a single question of mine, yet you say you stand by your nonsense.

You are obviously involving yourself in a situation you know nothing about.

Do NOT post me. I don't want to hear it.

You wouldn't have liked it anyway, so, as you wish............

I feel that Solange is right in her opinion about negative comments about specific members of TW. I think that most of the transactions would have been better passed in private emails or IM, not in front of the entire membership. It smacks a bit of standing in the street throwing rocks at a house. If one response to a comment about yourself is not enough, you didn't formulate your response adequately. I have taken this stance about negative comments about members I was not particularly happy with. Repeated attacks on anyone who is not participating in the thread is, in my opinion, inappropriate and unwelcome Perhaps a "time out" would be in order and a response generated when anger has subsided. I would not want fights like this going on in my house and we all live here. This is not an attack, or a defense. It is my opinion and my feelings in response to my reaction to what I read above. I would like it peaceful in our home. I don't like seeing my sisters tearing at each other. It is very, very upsetting. Please do it privately. So many of us are stressed. So many new members are frightened. Let's try to keep this a safe haven. We have a bigger agenda to deal with here. I'd like people to have a safe place to come back to. If they face repeated attacks, that seem to serve no purpose, other than to make them too uncomfortable to come back, how can they do that?

I have had a misunderstanding with Solange, but she is a lady and we talked it out. No fight, no personal attacks. I have disagreed with Ziggy...but I listened instead of reacting...we have continued to contact each other. I've written to Mere to make sure she would come back when she had time to deal with issues. I've supported girls I was furious with. TW and you are all more important than my personal feelings. When I have had a problem with what someone said about me,I have made one response and dropped the thread. You can't fight if there is only one of you. It's "verbal ju-jitsu"...you avoid. Seems to me Ziggy has done that here. The only one hurt here is the sister looking for security who is frightened off and loses their chance to find out how nice you all really are.

Never kick your Sisters when a hug will do.

Another day another fight another argument.
Welcome to the New Tweb.

I hope I'm not getting into an argument here...
So, first, I would like to point out that I do not hate Ziggy. Instead - I repeat - instead - I did in fact become afraid of what was happening at this place. Nobody warned me that one of the members here had a brain damage that could make him act like he did. He has been here for a year, hasn't he ? So, why didn't anyone notice ? What kind of friends are you if not trying to keep him out of trouble ? Ignorance ? Is that really enough ? And friendly ?
As for your comment on the blogs, Gloria, it was when Ziggy burst into one of Laura's threads on the 23. of april that I became afraid. In Ziggys opinion - and/or fear for some reason - Laura should get out of the Forums with her small sunshine stories and hide them in the blogs. Reminded me of the way women are treated: locked up in private spaces. Some other girls and I just said that we appreciated Laura's threads and wanted her to keep on writing. One not very clever TS woman did however get into a really bad fight and she left. The thread ended with Ziggy yelling at Sandra. I myself made a comment in that thread that, in retrospect, says a lot of my sudden change of mind. I answered Ziggy in a very impersonal manner when he asked Solange "what does civilized mean ?" My answer:

"civilized: pertaining to the interrelations of a community of citizens with equal rights. originally: suitable for a city dweller, as opposed to the feudal servitude and rustic manners of peasantry. Civil life: of the middle classes, regulated by common law and considerate manners, as opposed to the autocratic ways and violent life of aristocracy.
However, peasants, workers and middle class people may have to defend themselves with uncivilized means. Sometimes, I guess, this will be the case for transsexuals too.

Linda,
TS, Air Force ltn."

And yes, in 1986 I were discharged from the Norwegian Air Defence Forces as a sec.lieutenant. My service: At a radar station on an island on the soviet border. Intelligence service... for real... inside the iron dream. And I'm still in the reserves.
This "curt reply"... well, I may have scared him even more ? But if people here read some of my postings after the incident on Lauras thread you'll see that I tried taking Ziggys postings seriously. What never left me, however, was the thought that he could do the same thing again. And on the "conspiracy" thread it happened. This time he attacked Julie. And at the same time - Anna-Marie. In my opinion it could just as well have been me, if I hadn't made it reasonably clear that I in fact do share some of his views.
You, Wendy, started a thread sometime in june, I think, with the name Old Habits, Old Habitats. I did want to post an answer. But how could I tell anyone that it was in fact this place that made me revert to old habits ? I would have to be paranoid wouldn't I ? As there were no problems here that could not be solved with ignorance. Bullied as a young boy ? Anyone remembering the thread ? There were five of us posting there - Heather, Sandra, Laura, Wendy and me. DO anyone here think that the fact of all of us - to some extent at least, Wendy - identifying or have been identifying as transsexuals is a coincidence ? For me it sure wasn't. Bullied by my own father, completely misunderstood by my own mother, frozen out by boys my own age. And now, history repeats itself: Boys rule. And to quite some extent with the help of wellmeaning women.
Twentyfive years of isolation and lonesomeness. You, Sandra know how that is. So, coming here, I was happy. Dropped my heavy charge, so to say. The thread was called "I told my mother". Now, in retrospect it seems that things took a wrong turn from that very first day. For what had I done ? Well, the exactly opposite of what you are advocating now, Gloria. I told a very personal story. And of course, if the new policy here is that Ziggy will have his way as he did with Lauras thread and the rest of us shall hide our personal womens stuff in the closet, then I don't really have much problem with leaving. Finding Lauras sunshine stories on the list of new postings all through spring was the best thing that happened to me here. After being wellcomed by so many of you.

Linda,
back on earth.

I would also like to add that Meredith really did try to stop Ziggy on that "fateful thread". My problem was that I had not completely written him of. Like so many others. I did, however, when he attacked Julie.
At the spur of the moment I just wrote Z.
Getting rid of the exile ? Well, seems to be me. You're welcome. And safe, I might add.
I'm sorry.

For the record, I would like to a add my two cents to Ziggys post. I met Ziggy here at TW, we had no prior history. Since that beginning, he and I have spent many hours in conversation. We discuss every topic under the sun, with no limits on subject matter. We disagree often, but Ziggy always comes around to my correct viewpoint. Just kidding, and I'm sure you all know that! Ziggy knows my actual name and address here in the USA. He is in possesion of my photograph, and though he is disturbed by a passing resemblance to Harry Potter in my male styling, has been supportive of my efforts. He possesses both my work and home telephone numbers. At one point, he was contemplating a visit to the USA, and I was excited about the idea of meeting him face to face. He has never abused this private knowledge, or abused my confidence. Ever. In our many conversations, Ziggy has never once, NEVER ONCE, said anything of a violent nature towards anyone, except perhaps toward some political leaders of the far right. Even then, his plans for them were far milder than many of the postings I've seen here from many. If Ziggy need wear a sign, let it say "Decent Man, Decent Friend, Unconventional Thinker"

Ziggy, I didn't get the sense that Linda's comments were anywhere near as extreme as you described them. Folks, like transgenderism, being gay, lesbian, into BDSM, being Republican (sorry, bad Wendy, bad) and other human variations, people do not understand people who suffer from various brain disorders. We can get angry or we can educate them. We have plenty of ignorance to go around. You have the capability to improve understanding of these differences....when you don't get pissed off. As a charter member of "Overreactors Anonymous" I've been both places and I have to tell you it's feels better to not explode and to use reason and calm to convince. What I post is often far different from what I feel when I first read a thread.

Linda, I think you did overreact to the concept of brain damage. Too many old movies, perhaps? Brain damage, some of which I suspect I suffer, does not mean you are an axe-wielding maniac. It can mean alterations in information processing, loss of vision, speech problems, motor problems, uneven temperment, etc. I find the entire concept that Ziggy could actually be dangerous to someone to be ludicrous. Ziggy is non-violent...far more so than I. Ziggy is a provacateur in the cause of motivating others to deal with real world issues. Fear not. We all live with greater than average stress, and it is tempting to displace it onto each other. Maybe that is because we DO feel safe here. Better to ask, "What is really wrong, sister?" or "What can I do to make you feel better?" than to react to the hurt, that we all carry with us, and which sometimes boils over. Mere tells us all about the terrible stress in her life. She shares it, she decompresses here....should I get upset with her if she occassionally blows up? A hug will do us both more good than striking out as her. Why doesn't it happen? I think a lot of us lack practice in giving good support because we never received it and learned how. I really recommend the older Eric Berne books on Transactional Analysis, such as I'M OK, YOU'RE OK. I have seen developmentally disabled persons grasp and use the ideas. Remember, you never run out of "warm fuzzys"

It's harder to build than to destroy...but so much more satisfying. I have a lifelong friend. We started as mutually disliking each other. We both let ourselves find the real person that we did not see at first. Neither of us have ever regretted that and I love him very much. I know you all have courage, or you would not be here. The decision is yours. If we can't accept each other, how can we expect others to? If you have a problem, say it...once...then drop it or try to work it out...in private. If you can't. the problem is YOUR'S, not theirs. Don't try to make it theirs.

If I'm allowed...
I do try to take the views of other people seriously. This does, of course, also mean that I try to empathize with their feelings, understand their situation, and not write off any problem they might have as exclusively theirs. I would guess this really is the case for anyone. But, to what extent we succeed in our efforts we never know, do we ?

Linda

double that.