<BIG BIG HUG>

Meredith, I'm so glad for you. Not about the marriage part, of course, I know it's going to be very difficult but about the acceptance on the part of your family, especially your mom. That's great. Hang in there, I think you've made the right decision, hiding and pretending to be who you're not is no way to live. And thank you for your honesty and openness to all of us here in how you're dealing with it, both the good and bad parts. It helps us all to cope with the issues in our own lives.

Hugs...Joni

Mere Like Joni I think thats great. Coming out to be TS evan to yourself is not an easy thing to do. Telling others or trying to can realy freeze your words up. That is the biggest truth about yourself you can ever reveal.
Now if you can just get that job you'll have total controle of your life back. As much as anyone can have anyway.

Congratulations ! from me too, Meredith. It is a long road, but you sure have passed a major milestone.

Linda
xx

Hi Meredith, you know I wish you well in your transition because we have emailed on the subject, but you are going through a testing time, all my hopes and wishes are with you - take care

Well, I agree. I can see there's a challenging AFTER. But that could also be a major reason for not entirely forgetting the terrible BEFORE. To keep things in perspective.
The things you're mentioning, Sandra - finding a mate, building a new life, keeping the past at a distance - I am thinking about that too. Even though I have barely started my transition. But I don't have too high hopes. Basically, I'm prepared to live more or less the same solitary life as before, but most probably somewhere else. Finding a mate... sounds like a pretty luxurious problem to me. I'd be surprised if I ever do that.

Linda

Just to say that I think you're very brave. You took a chance in telling your family, and they reacted the right way. That's another source of support when you take the next step. Well done Mere! Brave lady!

I agree, Sandra, in principle it's better having a mate for some time and then being dumped than never finding anyone at all. It's what I meant by calling problems concerning the building of relationships for "luxurious".
That's how it looks when standing completely outside anyway.
I must admit my conclusion to a large extent comes from following this site too. Since summer I have been thinking that even here I ended up in the role of an outsider.

Linda

Somehow I feel more of an outsider than before - out of the closet and out in the cold. But I guess that could be part of the REAL difficulty you were mentioning, Sandra. I don't think it necessarily starts after SRS. To me it seems those problems are here, now.

Linda

Not being able to think of anything else... it certainly have felt very much like that the last months. What you're saying about HRT - I did sense the necessity more than three years ago - and tried out some herbals. A year ago I made my first attempt at ordering hormones without a prescripition. I made another futile attempt in january. And when it failed I told my doctor. But I had to wait for five months and then I only got a clearly unsufficient dosage. The way the system works... or not. It's despicable.

I was very glad when I found this place in late february. But as you well know some things happened.. out of our control. And for me it came at the most stressful moment. So, what you said about luck - or unluck as it were - applies here too. Accidents happen and can leave lasting impressions.

Linda

Hi Meredith-I feel so happy for you and that you were brave enough to confide in your family.One big step taken,just a few more to go.Wishing you all the best as always,lots of love Alli,xxxx

Hi Mere,

One of the biggest things you have accomplished so far....

Being Honest to yourself, your mom and your sisters!

The feeling of not having to "HIDE" is so stress relieving, especially since your sisters and mom were so supportive. AS you move forward, I would encourage you to begin MAPPING OUT what you want your life to be like. It doesn't have to be a concrete plan, but it will help you avoid living in react mode.

Hugz,
Michelle Lynn

Hi Meredith-

Congrats on the 1000th post thing. It's not about talking a lot, it's about being part of the community. Yeah, that's it.<lol>

As far as the going out and the makeup thing, I wish we lived closer to each other, I'd love to help out if I could. One thing you might consider is maybe contacting a salon in your area that does makeovers and booking a private session. I bet you could even go in boy mode if you wanted to. Or there are lots of places online to get information and tips, as I'm sure you know. I really like Kevy Aucoin's website and his books. Or if you decide to go out maybe hit a cosmetics counter for a makeover. I've done it a few times and never been treated rudely by anyone. Most sales staff, especially at bigger department stores have helped lots of girls like us, they won't bat an eye. And they have always been more than helpful in explaining what they're using and why and what they're doing and how to do it yourself.

Good luck girl. And I think you're making the right decision to make plans for going on with your life just in case things don't work out with your spouse. I wish you the best.

Hugs...Joni

Sandra you are so right on that one. I can use a ton of makeup or just a little around the eyes. But no matter what I try I look like a man with makeup on. I'm not fooling myself. What I want & what I am are never going to meet.

Mere,

Of course you deserve our support. You are one of our sisters.

I understand needing to get out of the House from Hell. I really do.

It's always hard losing someone you love. Even when you know it's necessary and it's in your control. Even when they stay in your life. Being GLBT or "heterosexual" or whatever does not change that pain and is not the cause of it. It just happens to be part of the situation that is causing the split that is causing the pain. You never truly "get over" it. You just learn to deal with it like all the other pain that enters our lifetime. You try to make the split as loving as you can and hope for the best. I split with my ex some years ago but now I am seeing her about once a week to go shopping and out to eat with her. yes, it still hurts, but....so did being with her. We can't stop your grief, but we can understand it. I'm glad you keep coming back. <hug>

Wendy Larsen

Mere, I'm going to hold you to that.

Wendy! You're back! I'm so glad.

Hugs...Joni

All the best to you Meredith .

And to Linda and Sandra: It is thousand times better to have a boyfriend and the to be dumped because of your background than have none. Yesterday I thought about the saturday night and the kiss I never experienced before. Even if it stopped right now, I´m happy. It gave me so much as a woman and a super confidence boost.

Laura

Hope can give confidence, Laura. Thanks.

Linda
xxx

You are fast, Meredith !
Seems to me, at a certain stage, nervousness evaporate.
(Well, almost, anyway...)

Linda
xx