I have been living full time for some time now and just until recently I have had a fairly successful relationship. Me and my boyfriend has decided to split up and I am back on the open market.
The problem I always face when I meet someone new is when, or if, to "come out" to them. My dating usually ends up like this:
Meet nice boy
Get a few free drinks
Exchange phone no.
Talk on the phone a few times
Date a few times
Tell about my history
The end.

My question is, as a pre-op you HAVE to tell before anything serious happens but as a post-op, when do you tell about your past? The guy is bound to find out once you try to have kids at least....

Bleh, perhaps I should return to my original plan and stay single until I have had SRS...

Oh dear, Sweden must be just crowded with weaklings...

Trisha, you are way too young to be this wise!

This really confirms what i have been thinking for some time: For me it doesn't make sense to start looking for a man at all. Attracting thousands of men, or hundreds for that matter, or even a few dozen, it's impossible. I'm simply a too ugly woman. Some months ago i even had the word of one of the administrators of this site for it - the fact that i'm looking like a man. And from what you're saying here it sounds like our personality seldom count for much. If it did those guys would not run away. Not "just like that", without any consideration. And it would be my guess that the few who stay are the ones who can pick and choose. Among us anyway.

In my view it makes sense to say that the passable among us have some chance of finding a man, if that is what we want. But at the same time they are revealing the impossible state for those of us trapped in a too masculine body and/or behind a too masculine face. These are my impressions anyway. It was the same last year when i read the stories of Laura and Sandra - both of them passable, even pretty from what i gathered. And it still seemed a hard struggle. One out of eight is what Laura said, some days ago. One out of eight men may be willing to live with someone like us. But of course, the number is probably much less encouraging if we are ugly women, or simply looking like men, the way i was told.

I'm glad i do have an open mind. In fact, the hateful comment i got earlier this year may have helped me realize that looking for a woman - T or no T - may be the only way of finding a truly understanding life partner.

Four months ago, and i still remember it so well... Of course, if i had not been the ugly woman i am, i might not have been obsessing about it. But then again, i am what i am, as they say, and the loneliness i'm living with every day tends to remind me. It just can't be helped.

I meant of course that it seems our personalities doesn't count for much with the men running away. It seems to me that is what Hanna said:

Meet nice boy
Get a few free drinks
Exchange phone no.
Talk on the phone a few times
Date a few times
Tell about my history
The end.

It's what i meant by running away: Ending a possible relationship the moment she tells her story. And after getting to the point where they should know - from a general impression - that she may actually be the right woman - by looks and personality. And that is what i meant by saying personality doesn't seem to count for much - with those guys.

As for sounding beautiful... i'm tempted to say: It may be true that it's what i have, my only hope in a way - someone finally listening some day. But realistically, i don't put too much faith in that. Looks do matter. Thinking about it ... looking at someone is, after all, where we start - from afar. And if we cannot even get to the point where someone will meet us and speak to us... sound counts for nothing. And remember, the internet may in fact be the only place where sound may count for everything. And moving one step further, like i did when i posted my photos here in february - may tell us where we really stand. I find it worth noting that the only comment i ever got when i did that was the one i mentioned in my first post on this thread. It's really much what i expected - that nothing. I'd say the comment was in a sense more than i expected - in my view a strong confirmation of the sorry state of our world.

I know. But it's actually one reason why i feel it's pretty hopeless. i would guess it's difficult enough for anyone my age. One other member at this site even posted this evil joke about it a few days ago. Women at 30 enjoying it, women at 40 asking for it, women at 50 paying for it, women at 60... Well, what do i know... I still have, absurdly, my belief in love. But too often life feels like some evil joke told by a monstrous god.

And to be perfectly clear: I did not find that joke funny at all. In fact, where i come from it's the kind of joke to be expected from women-hating men. It may be perceived differently in other cultures of course. Perhaps as some kind of hermetic feminist joke. What do i know...

I'm sure it will amount to something, Trisha, and that it can be applied in some way. Your posts here, and Hanna's, they made me think, specifically about some disheartening comments i've read (and had...) earlier this year. But what you said about hope springing eternally, it's true of course. Keeping an open mind too, i have been thinking about that quite often. And then we simply must have faith. Without that nothing good happens.

Trisha,
It sounds a bit like your bumper sticker reads REAL MEN DATE T-GIRLS. It's a bit unfair of us to expect them to change their sexual proclivities to meet our needs...like its some kind of problem they have. They are normal, heterosexual males. If they don't see that it is your brain that makes you a woman they are not likely to be able to cope. Not fair and not fun but it's real.

************************
All,

"an unwed, college-educated woman over 40 had more chance of being killed by a terrorist than getting married." It wasn't true when it was written, it was far off the mark, but people felt it and believed it to be true. That perception led to depression and hopelessness among those women. The odds were, in fact, not 2.6% but actually 20%. Not great, in fact, but perhaps the odds here are better than we perceive them to be. This goes for those of us who are "heterosexual" (attracted to heterosexual males/females) as well as those of us who are "lesbian/gay".

Two finally things..
.First, remember...desperation is not attractive.
Second, the sexiest women I ever knew were not the most attractive...they were sexy in manner and presentation and in bed. As a heterosexual male I found these women more attractive than the pretty Barbie dolls. Maybe we should take a lesson from this. If you want a man, use the right bait, then hook him and set the hook. He may struggle but he will have a hard time leaving. You can be you and still do this. If you find yourself unable to, your odds would not be that good were you born a gg. It's what men want. Even the good ones.

Should I decide to transition at 58, I would be foolish or at least excessively hopeful to expect more attention than a 58 yr old gg would get. But I bet I could tilt the scales more in my favor.

Good luck to you all. Remember you can catch more men with a smile and lingerie than you can with just a smile. :-D

I don't really blame people for passing a relationship once they find out I am a TS, I almost expect them to.
There are thousands and thousands of girls out there and while I may be special, so is everyone else.
Why would anyone take the chance and all the problems involved in dating a TS when there are so many other girls out there that are probably easier to date?
I am not sure I wouldn't do the same thing in their position, I am pretty sure that I would even.
Maybe it's not "our" problem but everyone elses but "when it's you against the world, bet on the world". It doesn't matter if you are right if everyone else disagrees....

But I can't help to wonder what I will do once I have had SRS. Telling people after a few dates and have them run away may hurt a bit but dating someone for perhaps 6 months and THEN have them run away would hurt even more and probably I'd feel dishonest too. Good thing I have about a year to figure that one out

As for beauty that was also discussed... Yes, it is important and almost everyone wants it. When you are in a nightclub you don't talk to the people with a less favoured looks and hope that they have a beautiful inside just as little as you don't shop for brown bananas and hope they are OK on the inside.
But all beauty will fade with age and though some may have it now, they would do best to build their lives on other characteristics than beauty in the long run.
Don't envy other peoples beauty, that only makes you bitter and being bitter makes you unattractive.
Work with what you have, I can gurantee you that not even Cindy Crawford is Cindy Crawford in the mornings.

Hanna,
What you say is true for all humans. I think women are more aware of it than men. When I get in a relationship I think in terms of living with the person when they are old. If that seems desirable, I go with it.

Trisha, my statement meant that it may not be your problem and you may be right but if everyone is against you and thinks you are not, then you are the one stuck with the consequences, not them.
I didn't mean that you are wrong just because everyone else think you are.

If the world dislike you and rejects you it may be a small loss to the world but I can almost certainly say that your loss will be greater.

If people in general don't want to date a TS because they are scared, intolerant, put off by it (or for any other reason) then it's the TS who is stuck with the consequences no matter the reason.

I guessed that was what you meant. But i still say there's some fault with your reasoning. It may be true that on average the worse consequences are those experienced by the TSs. But it doesn't mean there are no greater consequences for any of the others. Intolerance and fear mean limited choices - to the point of in a sense living lives no less locked up in a closet than what some of us are doing. And so it seems to me that some may simply be "settling for less" to avoid the overcoming of their own limits. How can you know that you weren't the chance of a lifetime for some of them ? But then of course, you would have to admit that they may have been the same for you.