I came out to my sisters a few weeks ago (she found out id been wearing her bras so I had to tell her) , my plans just all went out of the window. My initial plans was to go the doctors then tell my sisters and wait till I finished college before telling my parents. So I told my sisters and it was so nice, they was so supportive and if anything we grew closer. My sister even told her boyfriend and he lets me mail order clothes and shoes to his house.

So everything seemed to be going ok until my mum found out I had both my ears pierced, she then added that to all the womanly things she noticed about me over the years and grilled my sisters. They of coure couldnt say no so my mum found out my little secret. Thus begins my nightmare
My mum came home from work in tears after she found out and we talked for a while and then decided I would go out whilst my mum told my dad about me wanting to be a woman. Me and my mum agreed she would tell him I only crossdress for now, but she told him i wanted to be a woman and it broke his heart. My dad is having a hard time with it all , he has been off work now for over a week with anxiety attacks its really awful. He keeps telling me he wont accept it and that I will live a lonely horrible life with no friends and I will be crucified by people. I told him that its no problem to me, as long as i am doing what I want to do and following my desires then everything else dosnt matter, so then he started to go on about my sisters and the family, about how all their friends will disown them because they have a TV relative. Everythings just got so hard now, my dad is presuming the worst case scenario, i told him theres is 1000's and 1000's of people like me, and told him he cant possibly know what will happen. He hasnt done 1 bit of research and dosnt know 1 Homosexual or TV person or anything about them, if life as a TV or homosexual is so hard then why is there millions of people like that? I will never be alone and my dads just making everything so much harder than it has to be.

Sorry if this is a bit of a long crazy post, I just need to vent and got so much to write! Prolly missed a lot out in the post.

Any feedback or opinions is welcome, feels good to get some of this off my chest

Much love Rach

Dear Sandra

Thanks for your words, my sister said a similar thing about going to need a job and a lot of money which stands to reason really. I dont know about in your country but here in england im pretty sure if i wanted treatment i may be able to get it on the NHS which would work out being a lot cheaper but the NHS have their disadvantages, i will be looking into it all anyway but first step is counselling. My doctor has got me and my parents a councillor and i am gonna make sure i have all the counselling i can get before i think of getting any surgery. I wont be taking any hormones or anything without the guidance of my doctor but i feel im gonna need some years of councilling before i do anything. I hope in time my dad will get use to it, hes just so 1 minded and im afraid of all the future problems it may cause.
My mum told me she dosnt mind me dressing up, she even said when my dad goes work i can go sit in the living room with her in my nighty, she has no problem with me crossdressing.
I am at the beginning of a long journey and can only hope that my dad gets use to this and my feelings.

Hugs

Rach

Hey Sandra, you are right about my dad i think he is slowly (very very slowly) getting use to it all, hes just paranoid now that people will find out. Theres been a huge change in his behaviour and he is trying to do everything for me but i told him theres nothing he or anyone can do to help me , besides make up and beauty tips which im sure he wont be to helpful with . So yeah im sure hes starting to learn who i want to be. hehe i stayed up till 5 am last night dancing in my nighty and pink stillettos (i love my stillettos!) so im a bit on the sleepy side with sore feet , i took some pics of myself tho and ill try to upload them onto the site. I have like 1600 pics of myself as rachel on my comp, and like 3 of me as my male counterpart lol.

But back on subject , my doctor seems ok and hes had experience with TV's although he said hes never spoke to anyone as young as me about it. The counsellor i have now is just a regular counsellor just until i can get a specialist counsellor but theres a place in manchester which im thinking of going to where they give you a make over and take you out on the streets, offer advice etc. It might be nice to do to see how people react to me, being 6 ft 2 might be a problem tho
Your right about me wanting to live on my own, the stress at home is so hard and even now they know about everything i still have to hide all my clothes and make up because it upsets my dad and if someone comes our house they might find out. Even my sisters are never home now because of all the tension at home.

well i better get going to town i wanna buy some earrings before all the shops shut.

byebye for now and take care

Rach

Rachel,

Like has been said here before, just give people tlime to get used to it. You've ad alot longer to understand it than anyone else.

My sister and I are really, really close. To the point she feels my pain [PHYSICALLY!!!]. It took her awhile. She knew about my dressing just about all my life, as she used to see me. When I told her that it was more than just dressing, it freaked her out. She told me she doesn't know if she could handle it. She was really weird with me at first but its getting better day by day.

Just give it some time, let people know that your still you essentially.

Hi Girls

Thank you for the kind words, i had a worrysome day today. My dad went crazy at me yelling all sorts of stuff. I dont really feel i should post as much here now tho, my dad knows about this site and has been trying to find it tho he spelt it wrong in the search engine. He just seems to get worse everyday and all he wants is for me to promise i wont go out dressed up, but i cant promise that. I accept my feminine side, like it and love dressing up. Nothing my dad can say will change that and i am doing nothing wrong, but according to him everything about mebeing a woman is wrong. He says i look nothing like a girl and says if people find out we'll have to move house.

I think my only option really is to get my own place or look into maybe staying in a hotel a few nights per month full time dressed.

I just have a lot to think about, my dads putting all the blame on me for the family falling apart but my sisters and mum try and accept it and just think as me as a crossdresser for now, which they see nothing wrong with it. Only problems within the family are me and my dad and we have to work on them, but i dont see it progressing for a long long time (if it does which i doubt). My dad wont leave me alone anymore now, hes gonna quit his job so he can watch me 24/7 and keeps whinging about me buying womans stuff.

Anyway gah so much to say ,i got so much on my plate at the moment. I need a counsellor cos im getting nowhere talking to my dad.

p.s that place in Manchester i talked about is called Transformation, they have a website called www.Transformation.co.uk

Thanks for the replies girls

Rach

Hi rach
Sweetie i know what your going through sort of anyway, i only came out to my mum the other week and i'm 35yo. When my dad finally finds out it will be a one man mission to the moon. All i can say is like the other girls have said give it time, it will be a hard slogg, but you have the girl's on here to talk to.
Your decision to seek a counsellor could be of great help to you, because if you become ill with stress it will not help you in the long run, i know i suffer from stress, so be brave and as i have said give it time lots of love and hugz JJ

People have irrational fears, as your poor dad. I was scared about my coming out here at the job, and nothing bad happened. Everybody supported me. According to a poll, 92% of the transsexual workers never face any discrimination at work, here in my country. It is also common to draw conclusions from the poor transsexuals, who don´t pass and live isolated and say "hey, that is how they all are". The good examples, those who pass, you don´t even notice.

Laura

Rachel,

I'm glad to hear about the councilling, it will help you and your father. If you can try and get your Dad to see someone too. Even if you do it together, that way he might just be able to understand or at least tolerate. He is probably more worried about what people think of him at the moment than you and if he can be shown what a negative effect it has on you, he would probably relise his behaviour is wrong and change [even if a little].

Not knowing your Father, but I daresay its all out of love that he is doing what he is doing. I'm sure he doesn't mean to be that way but its the way males deal with confrontation, they lash out. Its a caveman thing. You just have to try and understand how males think.

When I relised that I didn't think like a male. I starting reading things on the differences in the way that the sexes think and behave, it made things easier to deal with and understand.

I've been to the Transformation in Manchester too! Right across the street is the Albany gender clinic that is run by that company [thats why I was there]. Its a good place to start. I liked there breast forms and attitude but that was about it.

Sorry if that was a bit long, I just hope to be of some help.

hiya.. given i'm to much of a coward to let me dad know bout little old me what follows is conjecture..

stay close to him.. if you don't you'll regret it for years, yes this will take time (probably lots) for him to accept he may well never approve but given time ya never know..

let him know you care about his opinions and feelings but that you have your own life to lead and would like him to accept that.

Of course he may not be able to accept this but i'd give him plenty of time to get over the shock, yes there are neanderthals out there who will never accept anything other than what they would like to see but if he's shouting at you this could be a good sign, at least he's not ignoring you.. i realise this can be cold comfort.

hang in there.. things do imporve.. i never thought my mother-in-law would accept this.. shes been totally accepting about this, as far as shes concerned it is no bodies business but mine, oh and the wife but shes a different story.

Hello Everyone

Its nice to hear from you all, your a great help all of you
I know my dads only doing what he does out of love, its just so hard to deal with and he has problems with his temper. I was so scared when he went berserk in the car at me, i was prepared to jump out of the car. Im trying to deal with it and my mum said for now just try and finish college and she'll try and keep my dad under control. Im just gonna take things 1 step at a time with them until ive moved out. Even if it is expensive living on my own at least i have the option to dress and go out which would make me so happy. My mum and dad are going to see the counsellor with me but i doubt my dad will say much, he wont even talk to the doctor. In my dads mind he is thinking if he cant help me, then what chance do doctors or counsellors have of helping me. But at the end of the day i know what i want, and i dont want help being a man, i want help being a woman.
Hopefully my dad will leave me alone for a few weeks now cos i have lots or coursework to do and wont be able to do it with him on my case all the time.

Thank you for your opinions everyone, they are most welcome Your all such a big help. Its nice to listen to people who have been in the same boat as me.

Hugs

Rach

Hi Sandra

I would love for my parents to leave me alone to get on with my life, but the assistence of my mum and sisters will be a great help to me. After all they are women and can show me and help me become more womanly than i will on my own. Then again if my parents just left me i would feel lonely and lack the advice and aid from them. Its a pretty hard question to answer now you got me thinking. I guess both reactions have their ups and downs. I am sure your parents still care for you and they deep down might be hurting so much, just they cant say anything out of fear for your mothers health.

Every person is different and will handle problems differently so now im stuck because i cant decide which is better!

Your a very wise girl Sandra, and your advice is spot on. i know me and my sister may never be like "sisters" but when i go shopping with them its fun, and nice to have them both as company. It helps a lot with confidence and they are both pretty close to my age and stylish. When i went Matalan with my sister it was great fun, we'd both go in the ladies changing room and she would hold the door shut whilst i tried on the clothes. My sister also suggested an idea that i could use light make up and dress sort of between boundaries for when i need to dress in mans clothes. She said i should do this just for now so i dont have to dress manly.

I know my parents will never call me Rachel, i had a cousin who changed his sex, my mum always called her by her birth name, but always treated her as a woman. Sadly my mums cousin died of a heart attack a few years after she had all the operations and i think this could be worrying my mum. But she knows i got a long way till i have surgery if i have it. I have an aunty whos a lesbian too, and im pretty sure my mums got a cousin who is gay, must be in the genes
I agree that having just mild support from your family and doing everything else on your own would be the best way to go, and be easier on everyone in general. And to be honest i think it would be extremely wierd and tense if my parents were to call me Rachel as i will always think of myself as their son everytime i see them.

Sandra you thought about asking Katie if you can have your own column? hehe. Your so clued up on a lot of things and your use of english is very good

Rachel,

Its sounds to me that your doing ok with family support. If your sister is in the ladies change room with you at Matalan, then you know at least she able to help ensure your going to get good fitting clothes that suit you.

Even if she thinks its just a phase or thats its something novel and therefore fun, you've got a good start. Do it long enough and she'll forget that there is anything unusal about it. I would suggest using shoppoing with her as something to build your confidence so you can go shopping on your own. You want to make sure shopping remains fun and don't become a hasstle for her.

I would have loved for my sister to come shopping with me early on. Its her that looks to me to borrow things or advice on shopping as she knows I have better tastes than her. I'm the one who gets asked to go, so its come around for me.

Does she call you Rachel when your out shopping?

Hi ladies

My sisters are most of the time to busy to really do anything with me, they are never home! damn workaholics. But even now i can feel the confidence building inside me, i got this huge urge to just go out and shop till i drop. At this present time i dont ask of anyone to call me Rachel, my dads having a hard enough time dealing with it as it is, and it was quite a big shock on everyone.

I hear yah Sandra, i wanna go out with my sister all the time but i have yet to go out fully dressed in places where theres plenty of people. I used to go for walks at night through the park and only now realise thinking back how dangerous that was.
I went out quite regularly too in stupid clothes, like my sisters reject clothes that she didnt notice go missing lol.

What i meant by me thinking of myself as my son when i see my parents is just all the memories with them, i dont think i can manipulate my childhood memories that i had with my parents or just make them go away. And i was named after my Grandad who died when my dad was 16 so the name is sentimental to my dad. Like a lot of people have said, my parents are always gonna think of me as my son, i think anyway. Only time will tell, i was totally wrong on how i expected my dad to react so i could be wrong on predicting how i feel the future will end up. I know my parents wont ever abandon me tho, so ill take your advice and tell them call me Rachel.

I will look into getting myself a cosmetologist, sounds to me yours helps you out a lot and gives you very good advice. I aint entirely sure what a cosmetoligist does but ill definatley look into it.

Hey Shan

I understand what you feel, being attractive with an ugly body! Your boxer point got me thinking now tho, i wonder what my parents will buy me for christmas and my birthday lol.

I found some exercises on the net to feminise my voice, so i dont see any harm in trying them till i get hormone treatment. I am scared to work out tho incase i start to get beefy, i do a few sit ups and walk about in my heels, and thats about it. I wouldnt mind doing a few aerobics classes tho, il just have to look into ways of feminising my body. And Shan, both Shannon and Kerrie are pretty names

hugs

Rach

I will see if i can get a cosmetologist, i may not have to with my sister doing hair and beauty at college tho. She is soon learning how to do electrolosis and waxing, all sorts of stuff. I am gonna try and stop my testosterone but the only posible way at this present time is to buy homones and i cant afford them. I was Told by a counsellor that im at least 3 years off hormones but that counsellor couldnt really say much seeing as she hasnt spoke to me. I have noticed an increase in how fast my body is growing hair tho and its driving me crazy, if a counsellor dosnt help me get hormones soon im digging into my savings! Im not really that young, i turned 20 a few weeks ago but i tell yah i hate hair! i remember the first time i shaved my legs, it was amazing, then moisturised them. I felt so good, no hairs trapped in socks and the feel of the smooth skin.

Thanks again from the sound advice, forget what i said earlier, you need to write a book!

Wow! Pretty daunting and exciting stuuf that ey. Things are bound to get easier now. Keep in there.

As for myself, i like my body hair when i'm not en femme, when en femme i hate it. I guess i got split personalities completly.

Hi rachel hun,i'm sorry to see you're havin a roght time right now.i had just the same when i finally "came out" and told my family about maria.They were all worried about what their friends and other family members would say if they found out.so i said back"well, don't my feelings count too".the way i look a things is,if YOU are happy and comfortable being rachel,then that's really all that matters.i hope things work out well for you honey.lol maria xxxxx

Hi rachel hun,i'm sorry to see you're havin a roght time right now.i had just the same when i finally "came out" and told my family about maria.They were all worried about what their friends and other family members would say if they found out.so i said back"well, don't my feelings count too".the way i look a things is,if YOU are happy and comfortable being rachel,then that's really all that matters.i hope things work out well for you honey.lol maria xxxxx