I joined this site some years ago and have been coming here when I had a moment to spend every now and then.
Recently I have had a lot of other things on my mind and I "forgot" about this site for some time.
I've been coming here to maybe chat with someone about life as a transsexual, read some forum posts or just have a look around.

Yesterday I logged in in order to delete my account.
I have always liked this site but since I am no longer "out and about", I have been deleting all my online presence elsewhere and the time had come to this site. I logged in to send some bye-bye messages to people who might wonder where I went and to post a message to Katie stating that I always liked this site but because of me cleaning out all TS references to myself, deleted my account with a big hug and a wishing of good luck.

But then something happened and I found out that in all the years I have been a member here, I never really figured this place out.
Someone had unfortunately passed away. I never "met" this person on this site before and had no personal relationshil with her but people were of course depressed and sad about what had happened.
Then it hit me how much this place means to people. That they actually form real emotional relationships in the chat room and that to some people, this site is the only place where they feel understood, cared for and have friends who accepts them for who they are or who they want to be.
In all this time, I never figured that this site actually made such a difference in people lives.
To me, this place has always been a good place to kill an hour or two on mindless chatting or discussing whatever odd topic in the forums.
In all this time I never understood what this site mean to some people and perhaps that this site has probably saved some of them from solitude, depression or even suicide.

I now consider myself fortunate, despite that my own life can be pretty hard at times, that I do not need that kind of support.
This one day when I came here to delete my account made me realize that perhaps this place need people like me and that perhaps it isn't right to delete my account... Maybe I can offer something to those who are new to all the issues involved in transsexuality.
I never gave a penny for the political struggle that the "TG community" fights, I even disagree with a lot of the issues people fight for... But maybe I too can make a difference on a personal level to someone.... I'd like to hope so.

I decided not to delete my account after seeing what this place is really about. Too bad it took me years to see it.

Kind regards,
Hanna, still a member, for a bit longer.

Hey Hanna,
Sometimes, just sometimes, one doesn't forget. I am on urna. There is is this lady there that change her sex many years ago, and she came back, to us. Maybe not here, but maybe just maybe was looking for a friend.....
You make a great friend Hanna. Thanks so much!!!!

Hanna, dear--

You'll always have a place here. I admit there are times when I have felt like it is time to move on...but, I find I have too many friends here to do so. Being able to help others (hopefully!) to not make some of the mistakes I have is another reason.

But really, it's because Katie knows where I live, and will hunt me down and hurt me if I leave...

(Just kidding--I love Katie like a sister. She has been such an encouragement to me over the years...how could I leave that?!?)

Glad you'll be around a bit more, dear--

Luv 'n hugs,

Mina Sakura

Hi Hanna, it's good that you realise this. I am sure there are many members of this site who treat it as a bit of fun, which of course it is, and there's nothing wrong with that. But to others it is a lifeline. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for sometime now, and on occassions get very depressed indeed. I am gay, have had relationships and regularly go out dressed. So I am not in the closet but even so I find being able to communicate with people who share a common experience from the safety of my own home a great comfort. I had a bad experience a few years ago that left me badly shaken and I truly appreciate the network of support this site offers. I will never meet the people I have communicated with but really that's not the point. It is not a safe or welcoming society out there for us. Parliaments may legislate in favour but social acceptance is another thing. It is still a hostile world. That is why both personally and generally TW and the tg/gay community are so important. It's good that you are staying, Hanna. Take care. Love, Porscha x

Hi Hannah-

That was a very moving and touching post. I'm glad you're still here.

Hugs...Joni

I didn't mention that your very pretty. I see so many genetic girls that are so pretty on the outside, seldom do I see ones that are pretty in their heart as they are in there face, like you. (Iam not coming on or nothin)
I know, I know, it sounds like a discripetion of a blind date. You know, "She is really a sweet girl" or "She has a great personality" stuff that friend do and say for one and other. I have even said such things about women I admire very, very much. (Hope she didn't take it wrong) I know your not trolling for compliments, or trying to make others want you to stay and be with us, but you have, how ever incedentail it may seem to you. I think your really an inspiration, thanks for hanging in there (here).....Really.

PS, gave up on spell check, hope every one gets the message.

Heather

I, too, at times have considered leaving this site and deleting any reference to myself being tg. A year ago when I was seriously considering suicide (I have made several attempts and failed as someone always found me) I found this site and some very wonderful people. I signed up but failed to return and within a month Katie emailed me wondering about me. Suddenly I did not feel so alone and that someone cared. I have met so many who are just like myself and who face the same problems. So many here have so much to give and they give it freely. Hanna, you are one of those people. The tg community is such a wonderful community and we care with our hearts for each other as it seems we are all we have and that the outside world may never accept us fully it is so wonderful to come here and be loved for who (not what) we are.

Over the past couple of years, Hanna, you and I have come to know one another. We have agreed and disagreed (mostly the latter) and in the process, I like to think that we have become friends.

I know that I would miss you terribly, as I have these past few weeks during which I have not seen you, if you left the site. I am glad you have decided to stick around. You are an asset to our little community here.

Please drop me a line soon, just to say hi. I miss you.

Wow, so many replies...

There was one thing I was going to post but I cut it out so that the original post wouldn't be so long but perhaps it explains things a bit.

Some years ago I "met" a transsexual online that were a lot further progressed than I was at that time. To me, she was perfect. Beautiful, perfect voice... She was everything I wasn't, but wanted to be at the time.
I wrote her a message basically saying "Hi, I really admire you" or something similar and she suggested she'd call me and we could talk on the phone instead.
The following phone call was basically me interviewing her for 3 hours. How did you manage to get that voice, what doctor do you see at the clinic, how was your childhood, how do you manage relationships, work... I asked her every question I could possible think of and I got so much from that phone call. So much that I sometimes wonder if I would be the person I am today had I not met her.
What did she get out from that conversation? Nothing. Besides perhaps a good feeling for helping me and answering my questions.
Why did she do it? I don't know... I don't know her anymore and have no idea what happened to her.
I think that this site gives to many people what she gave to me.

A lot of people here don't want to put a picture in their profile because it would be really painful to them if someone accidently found them out. They are scared that their secret would get out in the open. I feel the same way, just the other way around. I don't want my secret known either and that is why I have been "cleaning up" my online presence. Just as if the closeted cross-dresser would suffer to be found out, my life too, would suffer a great setback if the wrong person found me out.
I'm not living 100% in stealth but I am working towards that end. To get there you have to either compromize or sacrifice. Everyone who knows your past is a possible liability. I sacrificed almost all my old friends for instance. I just couldn't trust them.
I am not ready to sacrifice everything but at least enough to feel "safe".

I understand the idea that I shouldn't have to hide me being TS but I think I did my fair share of "transsexual awareness" when I transitioned and had to explain everything to everyone all the time. I'm sorry, that is not my battle anymore, I did my part.

I don't come here for information on things, there are other sites that have more information about RLE, stealth, medical information, dilating, post-op life and those kinds of topics. I look to the people writing at those sites for information just as some people come here to look for information.
But the social "hole" this site fills for so many and the empathy found amongst the people here at this site I haven't seen anywhere else. And that is what makes this site so great I think.

Kind regards,
Hanna

Hanna,

I think that a lot of girls, here at TW, will benefit from your knowledge and experience. You are a rare resource in a world where there used to be almost NONE. Like a rare gem, it will be some girl's treasure. I hate that you need to hide being TS and go into a different "closet", but I understand why you feel that way. Their is only so much that we can cope with in life and you have had to cope with much.

Hanna--

Been thinking 'bout this one...

"A lot of people here don't want to put a picture in their profile because it would be really painful to them if someone accidently found them out. They are scared that their secret would get out in the open."

Y'know, I wonder...if somebody was in here, and "found" my picture...seems to me I could just as easily have a "secret" on them.

As in, "What were you looking for on a Transgender website?"

I've written a rather lengthy article on this concept. (Thanks for the great idea!) You can read it here.

Luv 'n hugs,

Minako Sakura
"Almost-Angel, T-Girl Genius, and Ultra-Flirt"