Hi Everyone-

Well, for anyone who was wondering, and even for those of you who weren't, I did it, I finally got to be who I really am at work. To be honest, it didn't all go as I had planned, that is I didn't go to work enfemme Friday, which is my Monday, the start of my work week, for one thing I forgot to re-set my alarm so I could get up in time to do all the maintenance Joni requires, perhaps some self sabotage there, who knows. And I was very, very nervous about it, in fact I hardly slept at all Thursday night. When I got to work on Friday, a few people who know about me and whom I had told I would be showing up dressed, expressed some disappointment, but were also supportive and said I should not worry and just do it when I felt right about it. Well, I can't let my friends down, so I made up my mind to go to work dressed the next day.

So up I got at the ungodly hour of 3:45 in the morning to get ready, yes, I work insane hours. Of course, I was ready well before I actually needed to leave for work but I left early just so I wouldn't run into anyone in the parking lot and also because I felt if I hung around home too long I might talk myself out of it. Anyway, I was sitting at my desk, trying to appear calm cool and collected when my other team members starting drifting in. They were so nonchalant about it that it was almost an anticlimax. I think they were trying to make me feel at ease by acting like my showing up in a skirt, sweater and high heeled boots (same as my pic) was the most ordinary thing in the world. I did get some compliments on the boots from a couple of the girls and a couple of nice comments on my makeup. And that was pretty much that. I did the things I usually do at work, moved around the building doing things, etc, I did get a few looks but no one stopped dead in their tracks and stared or burst into laughter or anything. One funny thing did happen, I used the unisex restroom in the front lobby and the security gal there, who I had to walk past said, "Excuse me," when I walked by and rather tentatively called me by male name. When I told her it was me, she just said, "Oh, okay, I just wanted to be sure." and that was it.

I also went to work enfemme yesterday, which is a much busier day than Saturdays with more higher up management types wandering around. Once again, no one seemed to notice or have any sort of problem at all. I felt like I was on a cloud the whole time. I know that everyone's workplace culture is different and everyone's personal circumstances are as well, but for me, it was like the feeling I had after I had gone out the first couple of times, a question of why I had waited so long.

Thank all of you for your kindness and support. I truly feel that I couldn't have done the things I have managed to do in the past few years without the help I have gotten from my friends here on TW. You are all so beautiful.

And oh yes, I came out to my son, a topic for another thread as this one is way too long already, though there are lots more details I could add. Thanks again to all of you.

Hugs...Joni Marie

Hi everyone, I know I haven't been around much lately, for which I apologize, but I just wanted to share something that's been going on in my journey. I outed myself at work officially last week. Actually, it's been going in stages over about the past month. About 3-4 weeks ago I spoke with my Coach, that's the term my workplace uses for a team supervisor. I also spoke with my Senior Rep who is sort of the assistant-supervisor. My Coach is a woman and the Senior Rep is a guy. Both of them took it really well and said they would support me in coming out to the team if that's what I wanted to do.

My Coach, at my request, spoke to the Team Manager, who is her supervisor and she, the Team Manager, spoke to HR about it including things like restroom use and so on. The upshot is that I can wear anything I please as long as it follows the dress code (there goes half my wardrobe<g>but I will have to use the men's restroom. However, there is a unisex restroom in the main lobby and I can just use that. If I were fulltime or transitioning I think I would fight the restroom issue but I feel that since they are so accommodating otherwise, there's nothing to be gained by being pushy about it at this point.

I came out to my entire team in a meeting about three days ago. My Coach set aside ten minutes of a thirty minute meeting just for me. The Team Manager actually stood behind me with her hand on my shoulder to show she absolutely stands behind me both in a literal and figurative way. And the entire team applauded me after I was done for having the guts...or maybe being crazy enough...to out myself. I did bring some visual aids, pix that is, so they wouldn't have any Jerry Springer ideas of me showing up in a sequined ballgown and three foot tall platinum hair with a tiara. I have actually had some of them come up to me in the past couple of days to ask me more questions about being TG. One of them, a gal, said she really has a thing for men in skirts and can't wait to see me. Hmmm.

Anyway, now I just have to decide what to wear. I could try to "blend in" (as if) and just wear jeans and a top which is what well over 90% of the women wear or I can go with my natural inclination which is to wear a skirt and try to look like a working girl. No, not that kind of working girl! Either way I will probably have to get up even earlier in the morning to do my makeup and change my mind about my outfit at least three times. On a serious note, a very serious one, I am going to have to out myself to my son. I'll be leaving in the morning well before he gets up but when I get home in the evening, I don't want to shock him or embarrass him if he's home and has friends hanging around. So I guess I will cross that bridge in the next day or so. Actually I think he already knows a lot more than he lets on, but this will make it official. The thought of telling my son is, oddly enough, much more difficult than the thought of showing up at work as my girlself with hundreds of people around. Which, I suppose is natural.

I've thought of really challenging myself and showing up all week as Joni, then the following week as my guyself, then week after that as Joni, then guyself, then girlself. Sort of an Express Your Schizophrenia Month for one.

Well, I will keep you posted as to how things go on Friday. What I have found so far is that most people don't really care and the biggest hurdles are the ones we erect in our own minds about doing what we want to do. Not true for everyone, of course. But so far it has been for me.

Hugs...Joni Marie

Best wishes with this Joni, please let us know how it works out for you. It sounds like everything is going to be okay though. I hope it goes as well for your son.

Best wishes

Nikki

Good luck Joni. When I came out at work there was several other open lesbians, one or more in every department it seems. Telling my daughter was so awkward. She was completely emotionless and just said (a little sarcasticly)"So...and...?" That is all that was said. We don't really talk about it. She has a great tolerance and a big heart.

Thank you Keli and Nikki for your good wishes, I appreciate them so much. And thank you, Nikki, for wishing me luck with outing myself to my son, that will be the hardest of all I think. Knowing him as I do, I believe he will be okay with it, but still it will be a difficult thing for him to have his suspicions confirmed. I don't dress around the house or anything like that but there have been many times when he has gone in the laundry room to get something from the clothes drier and found female underwear that quite obviously wouldn't be something his mother would wear. As well as the spare bedroom closet being crammed with women's clothes in a size that would fit me and not his mom. And ones, that as she puts it, she wouldn't be caught dead in.<lol>

Well, we shall see. Thanks again. Have a wonderful day.

Hugs...Joni Marie

Hi Josi, thank you as well, I guess you posted while I was composing my last post. Your daughter sounds kind of like my son, he is prone to sarcasm and is not demonstrative about his feelings, though he is a very good person and very good hearted. To be honest, I really have no idea how he will take it. We have raised him to be tolerant and accepting of everyone and to only dislike people who deserve to be disliked because they are bigoted or cruel or intolerant or dishonest. In other words not to dislike someone because of what they are but for how they are. Hopefully all will go well. I appreciate your kind wishes.

And if I may, I'd like to say how much being a small part of TW has meant to me over the past few years. Reading the stories of everyone who has shared a part of themselves on the group has given me the courage to take my baby steps on this path. Thank you all.

Hugs and warm wishes...Joni Marie

Hi Meredith-

Thank you for your good wishes, girl, they mean a lot to me. As you know, I have a lot of respect for you and all you've gone through. You always have my best wishes.

Hugs...Joni Marie

My eldest daughter was 16 when she found out about me, and her attitude was similar to Josie's daughter, "It doesn't bother me" was her response. I guess as long as they can see you are the same person, they have a lot more tolerance than many adults. You know your son better than anyone so if you thought it would go badly, I guess you wouldn't come out to him. None of us knows until it is all said and done though, so I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Nikki

Thank you, Nikki.<big hug> I had to drive my wife to work this morning and we had a long talk about it. He, my son, has late classes today and probably won't be home until around 9PM or so. We plan to wait up and speak to him together...or rather my wife has agreed to be there for moral support but as she put it, "This is your show, hon."

I think it will go well, but it's hard to say. He's a good kid, or rather as I should say, a good young man, he's nineteen and will be twenty in a few months. We've raised him to be tolerant and understanding and not to judge others for what they are but rather how they are, but it's a whole different story when it's your Dad you're talking about. Oh well, I'm determined to go through with, I'm not going to let myself chicken out. Thank you for the good wishes, I appreciate it very much.

Hugs...Joni Marie

Hiya, I am really pleased for you and wish you all the best with your son and may your success continue. I am very interested in how you get on with coming out to your son. Nikki said her daughter was 16, How old is your son? I have a daughter of 7 and I am thinking of waiting till at least 13-14 if not 16 to come out to her and her mother. This is a long time to wait but I dont want her to resent me in later life saying that i took her daddy away from her etc.

Anyway, keep it going & good luck! XXX Ani.

I came out to my big boss at work this past week. He'd had some ppl including my
boss mention that my nipples were showing through my t-shirts at work since I've
been going to work braless.
He was ok with it and said that he thought alot of people at work knew that I'm a
TS. To not to cause any more problems I'm going to wear a sportsbra to work.
I also found out tha tmy boss isn't open-minded. I'm glad the big boss is. I mentioned
something about both the men and women using each other's restrooms(single stall),
and he went and made them unisex. My team leader didn't know what to think
when he saw that.

Hi Adriana, Anyfer & Randi-

Thank you all so much for your good wishes and for sharing how things have gone for you. I am more and more anxious (read scared spitless) as the day approaches but I'm determined to go through with it. I hope I don't come home crying. I was going to put an <lol> behind that last sentence, but I don't want to tempt fate. Where I work has a very strict policy, a written one no less, stating that absolutely no discrimination or harassment will be tolerated in regard to sexual orientation or gender expression as well as the usual other ones like sex, race, etc. And they really mean it. So far everyone I have spoken to who's a management type has been absolutely supportive. I suppose I'll get some stares and whispers but hell, I have a tough skin. You have to be able to ignore ignorant people if you want to get on with your life.

Anyfer, my son is nineteen and will be twenty in a couple of months, so for all practical purposes he's a grown man. Like lots of young guys his age he's very mature in some ways and not so much so in others. I just hope the toleration we have taught him to extend to others will apply when it's his own father. And I agree with you that waiting at least until mid-teen or later, even though it is seemingly such a long time, would be best. I think a certain stage of maturity should be reached before divulging something like that. Just my opinion, of course.

Well, at least I have an outfit picked out, more or less. I think I'll just wear what I'm wearing in the picture that I'm using for my avatar. It's kind of fallish looking and not too over the top. Dress code says I can wear a skirt up to mid-thigh...I think I'll save that one for later.

Thanks again for all your kind wishes. TW is such a great place, I don't think I could have done it without the help and support I've gotten here.

Hugs...Joni Marie

PS I just edited my icon to show the outfit I meant. It's definitely not that other one. If I showed up in that they'd probably send me home to change. Hmmm....no, never mind.

Congratulations Joni, that took a lot of courage to do. I'm glad things worked out for you in your workplace and I hope everything goes well with your son.

Hugs & kisses,

Monika


PS: that is a cute outfit your wearing and quite appropriate for the office

Ohmygawd you are so brave
MUUUUAAAH. Best of luck, sweety!
LuvHugKis...Rach

I'm so glad (and relieved) that everything went so well for you Joni, I can imagine it is just like being out for the first time all over again, and I still remember how nice that felt.

I hope everything will continue to go as smoothly for you and you have my best wishes that it will.

I look forward to hearing how it went with your son too.

Hugs,

Nikki

I'm really proud of you, Sis. I know you are not kidding about how scary it is. I keep thinking it's more about how we feel about what we are more than what others feel....but it does matter how they respond. I'm so glad your work has been 100% supportive....ok, 99%. Oh, and leave those mid thigh hems in the closet during work hours....don't go dressing mutton as lamb. Hehe.

I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Wendykins. I'm a vegetarian and I don't like mint jelly anyway.

Puzzledly...Joni Marie

Hi Wendy C-

Thank you for the nice comment and thanks to everyone here on TW who took time out from their personal lives just to write something encouraging. Believe me, it really helped knowing that there are other girls I can rely on for support and help and that there other girls here on TW who have done it, and even more, and have stayed in the group to help others on their journeys. You know who you are.

And yes, Wendy, for me it was an opportunity to expand...my wardrobe that is. I was going through my stuff and realized, well, to use a sadly worn but none the less apt cliche, I have nothing to wear. Nothing I tell you! Most of my clothes are for going out clubbing and stuff, certainly not appropriate office attire. And while nearly all the women at work go around in jeans and tops and tennis shoes and so on (not knocking it, dressing for comfort is good), as the only out t-girl there, I want to do a little better than that. So now I need to add some nice slacks and skirts and find some shoes that look smart but don't have heels up to there. And of course I'll need some new tops, it's Fall so a new sweater or three would be good. And accessories. Can't forget accessories. Every new path opens new opportunities. How true that is.<G>

Hugs...Joni Marie

It's interesting that we sometimes sell the people around us short. You're right, Joni, that it's our own fear that creates this barier. When I went fulltime at work, I thought I'd be all nervous and excited, but quite to the contrary, it just felt....well....normal, and to tell you the truth, I was almost a little disappointed when the rest of the staff just went about our business routinely.

This is a really important thing you've done, Joni, and we're all proud of you.