THE POLL

I didn’t think it was very funny. A brand new pair of panty hose, now ruined. Something told me it was not a good idea to put those on, while in a minidress, and do some work around my apartment.

Lilienne thought it was a scream. “I have you so many times not to do that!,” she said. “You know you’re a klutz. Do housework first, then get dolled up. Haven’t I taught you anything?”

Karen thought it was funny as well. “Didn’t you learn your lesson from before? Cooking in an outfit like that is bad enough.”

Josie concurred. “You really shouldn’t wear anything nice like that when working. You got those grease stains on your skirt just from melting butter for brownies. Besides, why did I spend all that time taking piccies of your legs anyway?”

I took a poll, asking people like Keli, Anyfer, Bennie (who loves to rag on me about the Bears), and Maryanne. The feeling was unanimous. Meredith the Psycho Ninja did it again. However, I was not to be deterred. I called Josie back. “Listen, smart-ass, I can do plenty of things dolled up and not have a problem.”

“Name me one time,” was her reply. Come to think of it, Lilienne and Karen said the same thing. When I reminded Karen of her devotion to the Detroit Lions, she merely threw the Chicago Bears back in my face. Josie didn’t dare. The Bears beat the Broncos a few weeks back.

“Guess what? I’m going to take a poll on the street,” I told Lilienne.

“In the South Shore area? Are you sure?”

I put on my heels and marched straight into the street. In each occasion I asked “Do these look ruined to you? Should I have waited to get dressed up?’

My first respondent was a Jehovah’s Witness, handing out pamphlets. She was not amused. My second respondent? A Baptist handing out pamphlets. He liked it. I moved on. My third respondent was more of a group hanging around in front of a local convenience store. I either could have bought some crack from them or got advice. I asked for advice. The leader was quite helpful.

“If you’re going to do housework, the best plan is to wear a t-shirt and sweatpants. Then, after you’re all sweaty, wash off and then get dressed up. ALWAYS save your good hose for the best times. You really should know that.”

“That’s what Lilienne, Karen and Josie said. Come to think of it………”

“They all told you. Did you listen?” No, of course not.

I marched a few blocks further west to the grocery store to buy a new pair. They were on sale. As I paid for the hose, the very pretty young black girl, Nicole, said “You did housework in your good hose? Are you stupid?” Yes, I am.

I walked back home with my new hose. The guys on the street corner waved at me in approval. The Baptist waved in approval. The Jehovah’s Witness ran off.

I got home and saw that some of the artwork was falling off the wall. I realized I didn’t anchor the frames properly. I took out a hammer, got on a chair, and tried to fix the problem.

On the way down I tore my hose.

Is this a short story or just 'a day in the life of the psycho ninja'?

It made me chuckle.

Nikki

Just one thing I have to say to Mere is that I was very concerned with giving her a knife to chop some vegetables to put in her world famous chilie the other day. Although, she did not snag her nylons or cut herself, she did however burn her hand on the stove making the brownies. Oh by the way I think her new piccies are soooo fab!!

Josie, you are not biased in any way

Josi you gave her a knife & let her near a hot stove?
Lucky one of you isn't in the hospital.

Oh by the way this was supposed to go in Tranny Fiction.

Whoops. My bad. I need to remember that.

Josie will be the first to attest that I caused no bodily harm upon anyone while cooking.

Mere