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Politically Correct Night Before Christmas

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  • 2625
    'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
    How to live in a world that's politically correct?
    His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
    "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
    And labor conditions at the north pole
    Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

    Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
    Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
    And equal employment had made it quite clear
    That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

    So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
    Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

    The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
    The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
    And people had started to call for the cops
    When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

    Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
    His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

    And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
    Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
    And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
    Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

    So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
    Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
    Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
    Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

    And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
    That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
    Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
    Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

    Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
    Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
    Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
    Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

    Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
    Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

    No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
    Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
    And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
    Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

    For they raised the hackles of those psychological
    Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

    No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
    Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
    Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
    And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

    So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
    He just could not figure out what to do next.

    He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
    you've got to be careful with that word today.
    His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
    Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

    Something special was needed, a gift that he might
    Give to all without angering the left or the right.
    A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
    Each group of people, every religion;

    Every ethnicity, every hue,
    Everyone, everywhere...even you.
    So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
    "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

    <p>Karen Brad</p>
      December 25, 2007 11:37 AM GMT
  • Thats a real GEM, karen......made me laugh.

    Lol xxxxxxxxx
    "When the world gets in my face i say HAVE A NICE DAY"
      December 25, 2007 10:50 PM GMT
  • The Truth Behind The Rudolph Story:

    In fact, Rudolph was let go and needs to find a new source of support. Every time Santa passed a DUI checkpoint he would be pulled over when they saw Rudolph's nose. Rudolph was taken out of his harness and asked to walk a straight line and breath into a Brethalyzer tube. The delays were making toy delivery almost impossible to complete in time. Sadly, Santa had to let Rudolph go. Rudolph is still allowed to join in reindeer games, as a member emeritus, but he is experiencing difficult economic times.
    "A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb. "Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)
      December 26, 2007 5:19 AM GMT
  • That was hilarious Karen, scarily close to the truth though!!

    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      December 26, 2007 9:38 AM GMT

  • That was great Karen...too funny!!

    Hugs & kisses,

      December 26, 2007 2:26 PM GMT
  • 734
    Hi Karen,

    Just read this and thoroughly enjoyed it! [ok, ok, I'm not the fastest girl off the starting blocks!].

    Got any more????

    Much love

    Rae xx
      May 22, 2008 12:39 AM BST
  • So so,4 pigs........hmmmmm...does Terry Pratchett know about that?
    To learn more,read Terry Pratchett's 'Hogfather'.......

    Ciao,waiting under the mistletoe still.........

    Lynn H.

    "It ain't what you do,it's the way that you do it............and that's what gets results!"
      May 22, 2008 6:36 PM BST