We have a world full of people who hate us because of their ignorance and their beliefs. Do we need to go out of our way to make more? Interacting in a calm, rational way with others is more likely to gain us support than anger and hostility. Few people are able to process new ideas in the face of hostility. Whether we like it or not, whether fair or not, what each of us does reflects on everyone else in our community. Even if you don't reach the person you are in a confrontation with, you may reach those who are also watching. If they see the other person angry and ranting and you calm, polite and reasoned......what will the perception of our community that they carry away be? Have you ever seen a REAL Lady deal with a difficult situation. Nobody is in doubt that she IS a Lady. We don't NEED any more "Jerry Springer She-Males" as our pubic image. What we could use is some intelligent, gracious, ladies who present a warm, friendly, human face to the world. We've all been hurt. I'm one of the world's expert at responding to hurt with anger. You can't imagine. It can rule your life...or keep you from finding it....or keeping what you love. It won't win you any friends. I sometimes have to work very hard to keep an even keel when dealing with some of the people who come here. I no longer keep my temper for others. I do it for me, for us. I try to think: "Will I gain anything by this? What do I really want? How can I best get it."

Lets try to all present a face to visitors that we would be proud for the world to see. Let's treat every visitor as if they were an undercover reporter for TIME magazine and always try to present the face we want the world to see. This doesn't mean we can't talk about how we feel, or that we feel angry, but let's do it in a way that someone will listen to, not run from. Besides, that angry response may be EXACTLY what they are trying to get. Everyone has to decide for themselves what they will do. But at least ask yourself what it is you really want before you act. The rest of us are counting on you to help us get the acceptance we want. Don't let your Sisters....and Brothers.....down.

Hi Wendy,

A true post and if I may add a little...

...but at the same time don't hide your passion. Don't run from the flame of femininity that burns in your heart. React with restraint but always react as yourself. React with reason and intellect. Never be afraid to argue and debate. Be proud of who you are.

The world may seem to be full of people who hate us. But thats an illusion ignorance provides. The world is also populated with people who love us, respect us and are amazed by us. I see that every day. They're not everywhere, but they are there in good numbers. And increasing.

Viva la difference.

Much love

Rae xx

[Not really a revolutionary!]

I"m sorry Rae, I didn't mean to make it sound like a majority of people hate us, they don't. Many are just disconcerted or uncomfortable and don't intend to hurt. Most probably don't really care. At one time an openly gay or lesbian person was a remarkable encounter. Now almost nobody remarks on it. The same will one day be true for us......except for the remark all women are wont to make: "Did she look in a mirror this morning?"

Thank you for pointing that out. It only goes to show how careful we have to be about what we say and how we say it.

Anne,
It must be nice to be so sure of things in your life.

Now please keep discussions on topic. The topic is not about me. It is not about gender identity. It is about how we treat the people we interact with who provoke negative emotions in us and the image we project of the community. All off topic posts will be hidden or moved to their own thread, per TW policy.

I totally agree Wendy. Of course we can be passionate about something but not at the cost of our self esteem and the image we want to project to the general public. It's okay to disagree with something or someone without attacking them verbally. That just leads to more confrontation and isn't how I want people to see me.

I deal with a lot of people on this site, including the ones who have come here for sexual reasons, and more recently those who have posted inappropriate pictures of themselves. In each case although I have asked them to modify their behaviour, or remove pictures or the use of inappropriate terms, (shemale springs to mind!), they have done as asked and have not been bitchy or nasty about it. (I could potentially receive a lot of hate mail in PM's). I believe that is simply because of the way they have been approached, if I went in kicking and screaming I'm sure I would have a very different reaction.

And you're right, we don't have many enemies, just people who aren't used to us or aren't sure how to deal with us simply because we are still a minority in everyday life.

Nikki

Rae..
please don't take this too personally...BUT...do you think you could post yourself a pix with a little bit of femaleness?
Anyone scanning the forum and seeing your image and words would have all their stereotype suspicions confirmed.
Anyone hoping to transition m to f ought to show a bit of femaleness?

Wendy,
Seems to me you are referring to Dan Locke's Turf Wars thread. All I can say is I think it is the Jerry Springer she-male that would be reading Taboo Magazine. If your definition of "taboo" is different than mine, please enlighten me.

Otherwise I wholeheartedly agree we need to give society a positive image of who TGs really are. I have expressed my belief in that time and time again in various forum threads, yet I have been raked over the coals for saying various behaviour gives us a bad image. In essence I see a lot of hypocrisy there.

If he looks like the devil and says he is the devil, good chance he is the devil. You can hug him, I won't.

Hugs,
Marsha

Nikki--

We have a lot of people here in the US that wouldn't mind if all us TS/TG types moved to Europe. Or Asia. Or the Antarctic. We have "enemies" here, all right...and like you pointed out, many of them ARE "just people who aren't used to us or aren't sure how to deal with us simply because we are still a minority in everyday life."

And because we aren't like them, we are viewed as evil, as perverts, or worse.

But that doesn't change who we are or how we should act. We should act like ladies, and show appropriate decorum as such at all times.

Oh, sure, we'll have issues and spats. That's because we're human. But still...we should strive to be more ladylike, and show the world we aren't the wicked people they think we are.

Of course, we could tell them all to go...never mind.

Luv 'n hugs,

Mina Sakura
"Almost-Angel, Girl Genius, and Ultra-Flirt"

Anne--

What I am suggesting is behaving like the ladies we aim to be...not men in drag!

Let me be quite clear here. TrannyWeb is supposed to be a place where we can communicate with each other with a sense of civility. If we act like neanderthals, we then deserve what people think of us. That's something we don't need; most of us have enough troubles in any given day. Why exacerbate those troubles? I'd like to think we come here to share with each other, not rip one another to bits. We will have disagreements, but we are human, and that'll happen.

But...if we are acting like ladies--or, taking your cue, women--then we should be treated like women. It may sound old fashioned, and perhaps it is. I'd rather act like the woman I am and get treated as such, than to act like some testosterone-charged, all belligerent being and then have everyone treat me like like some freak of nature. That's heartburn I don't need or want.

Have women changed from how they used to be? Yes, they have. But I have yet to meet a woman--even some tough ones that work construction and could drink me under the table--that didn't want to be treated like the woman they are.

That--to me--is a part of the nature of womanhood. Living as you and I do, I feel we should have a grasp on that.

Luv 'n hugs,

Mina

Marsha,

It's a general problem over many threads and the chat room. Usually the person has good reason to be angry. I'm just pointing out there are effective and ineffective ways to express anger. I worry about people like Keith and Bosco and Matt being driven off the first time they come into chat or make a post. It's often NOT the content but the presentation that gets heard and that's a shame. There is a big difference between "You are stupid" and "I feel that what you did was stupid." I'm not trying to single out or attack anyone. I'm making an observation. I studiously avoid making critical comments about individuals because I'm not commenting on an individual but on a behaviour or pattern. That, after all was the message I was trying to communicate in my post.

I understand and agree with you Wendy. I will be the first to omit I have had ,uhm, some personal issues of my own on what I have said. I admit it and don't want to be called a hypocrite, but I am making a conscious effort to ween that from my comments. Nevertheless, Trannyweb is unique in that it is a place where us gals who seek a safe and social site can come. Personally I want to see it remain as such and therefore will continue to express my opinion when I view something as crossing the line.

As for admirers like the three you mentioned, We are lucky to have them here and should do all we can to encourage similar admirers to stay.

Hugs,
Marsha

Hi Everyone,

Although I'm not full time, those who know me, as well as those I encounter when out, have never expressed any hatred whatsoever. At most, indifference or ignoring me is the worst I've encountered. In fact, many times I've had very pleasant experiences. Behaviour and attitude are one of the biggest things we can do to "normalize" the perception of us women. Most of the time, when I get a "uncomfortable" sense from someone, it is around them not knowing how to react to me. Once I've begun talking, I've found other women are either accepting, or at least polite. Men however do seem to be indifferent and I have had the comment "Now I've seen everything", but no open hostility.

One of the things I do, is behave in a manner that a genetic women would. This includes reactions to people as well as awareness of my surroundings. I guess, by trying to blend in, I may not be the TS activist that some people might want. Does that advance our cause? Perhaps not as rapidly as some might like. However, those that know me, see a gal (I hope) just trying to get by in life.

Hugz from a sister in the making,

MichelleLynn

MichelleLynn--

Thank you, dear, for making the point you did--"Behaviour and attitude are one of the biggest things we can do to "normalize" the perception of us women...One of the things I do, is behave in a manner that a genetic women would. "

That's what I was trying to say earlier!

Part of the point I made about watching women in "The Weekend Woman" was to get a sense of how they act in public:

"So here is the very first piece of advice I would like to share: go girl watching. Seriously, take yourself down to the local mall about lunchtime, sit in the food court with a pad and pencil or pen, and take some notes on what’s being worn, what’s being said, and general female items. Watch how they walk and carry themselves. Watch how and what they eat, if you can. What’s their makeup like? How do they interact with each other? With their male companions? Spend a few hours of this...."

It's only by learning how genetic women act that we as the women we are becoming can act in the same ways.

That has to transcend into cyber space as well.

Luv 'n hugs,

Mina Sakura
"Almost-Angel, Girl Genius, and Ultra-Flirt"

Conquer the angry man by love.
Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
Conquer the miser with generosity.
Conquer the liar with truth.

Hugs Dorothy xx