Hey,

This is a piece I wrote some years ago. You'll be pleased [one would hope!] that it reflects a time and place I've long since moved on from. Despite its apparent bleak subject matter, it remains close to my heart. I like its simplicity. The structure and discipline of its pace which seems at odds to the chaos it hints at. And, for me, its concise. [Most of my verse work tends to stretch to two or three A4 pages]. What do you think?


If I Die.

If I die in my sleep it's a bonus,
If I die by my hand it's a chore,
If I die in an accident at least
I endure my existence no more.

It's not that I want just to exit,
It's not that I live without fear,
It's not that my mind is dejected,
I just pray that my death is quite near.

I just don't have the will to continue,
I just don't have the strength to go on,
I just don't have the zest for existence,
It's time for goodbye and so long.


© Rae xx

Hi Rae,

Girl, this is indeed a dark one and I'm very glad that your head isn't in that place today.
I'm not big on poetry, my taste runs to bawdy limericks and ironic / sarcastic poems like those of Billy Collins (former U.S. Poet Laureate).

You are right it is very concise. There are no silly metaphors to muddy the message. It certainly makes it's point that author has had enough and is ready for the end.

My only quibble is that when I read it out loud (I can't get much out of what's written out - I need to hear it read by the author or a skilled reader, or failing that, myself) I don't hear the rhyme in the third verse: "go on" and "so long." But that's probably my California accent.

Thanks for having the courage to share.

Best,
Melody

Melody, thanks.
You raise a good point about 'accent'. For me, I hear the rhyme perfectly and it works. I'm reminded of The Cranberries song 'Zombie' which wonderfully ties the word 'gun' with 'bomb'. This works due to their rich Irish accent - I could never say those words and get them to match!

Gracie,
This forum is for any genre! So crack open the old quill and keep scribbling
Like everything, though, practice makes perfect. If you're finding it difficult to know when to actually stop writing then that tells me the problem lies with plotting and planning - as opposed to creativity and effort!
One way to break your habit is to decide on the ending first then write towards that destination...

Rae xx