As you can see, Wendy is fond of puns. However, since she invoked my name I suppose I can chime in with my two cents worth.

I guess my first question to you is why you want to tell your room-mates. Do you plan on going 24/7 or do you want the freedom to be yourself in your own home and perhaps go out occasionally without having to climb out your bedroom window? My personal feeling is that people should be told on a need-to-know basis. Believe me, I understand the desire to tell people about something that we have kept hidden for so long, it's a wonderful sense of relief to be honest with those we are close to whether it's emotionally or due to living or working arrangements (family, friends, room-mates, coworkers) but choose who you come out to, especially the first few, carefully.

Once you've told one person, you may as well have told the world, and there is no point in swearing someone to secrecy. Some may honor your request, but for a whole lot of people some things are just too good to keep under their hat. So be prepared, if you do disclose, to have someone you didn't tell about it come up to you and want to know what's up with this whole crossdressing thing.

Do it one on one, don't make it a group presentation. Personally, I would have a picture or two of you looking your best to show them if they wish. For many people if you mention crossdressing or being transgendered, the first image that comes to mind is of a Jerry Springer show with bearded guys in sequined ballgowns, tiaras and opera length gloves. Be confident and unapologetic, there is no need to feel defensive or act like being who you are is something to feel bad about.

Be prepared for questions, especially, "Does this mean you're gay?" Be honest, but only as honest as you need to be. Most people are actually not homophobic but for many men it does make them extremely uncomfortable, especially if they're a room-mate. The answer, of course is up to you and how you feel yourself to be. There is, of course, such a thing as too much honesty. Besides, this is only a disclosure about one aspect of yourself, you don't need to bare your soul and tell every detail, you're not talking to your shrink.

Don't tell them to just google "transgendered, crossdresser, t-girl, transvestite" or whatever. Sadly, many of these searches will lead them to porn sites, not the true image of being transgendered, but there it is like it or not. Wendy gave some good resources and we welcome non-TG people here on TGS so long as their interest is genuine and they're polite and respectful of our members.

Well, this is way too long already, though I certainly can go on and on. Just remember you don't have to disclose, though I understand the urge as most people here do. Use your best judgement and sense of who it is you're talking to. There's no rush, after all. Best of luck, I'm sure other girls will have further advice.

Oh, fwiw, I am out to family and friends, go out in public as my real self though I'm not 24/7 and so on. So far I have not had any negative reactions, though I must admit some of my men friends are no longer as close as they used to be. Ah well. Just mentioning this to say that you can probably expect acceptance but also be aware of the possibility of rejection or loss of someone's friendship.

Hugs...Joni Mari

These are not recommendations. They are only references for you to explore. Since you have a therapist you are apparently happy with I will skip TG therapists. Some of these may be outdated.

Albany Medical College
Division of Endocrinology and Metabolism
Dr. Matthew C. Leinung, M.D.
47 New Scotland Av., MC-141
Albany, N.Y. 12208
Phone: 518-262-5185

Transgender Independence Club (TGIC)
P.O. Box 13604
Albany, NY 12212-3604
Phone: (518) 436-4513
E-mail: [email protected]
(live Thursday. 7 - 9 p.m., or leave a message)
Two monthly parties, weekly support group,
monthly SO support group. Bi-monthly newsletter.
http://www.tgic-albany.org

Voice Modification for People in the Transgender Community
http://www.strose.edu/cam[...]mmunity

TJobBank (Albany)
http://www.tjobbank.com/

http://www.tgguide.com/Gu[...]ork.htm

I have been Out in public, once, and traveled to the far corners of the US to meet my TG sisters from TGS. I believe my roommates are not bigots but my home and welfare depends on their acceptance. I am out to some friends but not them because I dare not risk living in the street until I have the assets to NOT live in the street. You must use your judgment. Who holds the lease? If you do can you find new roommates, perhaps other T girls? If you do not hold the lease, can you find another apartment alone? Plan for the worst possible case. Then plan how you will come Out if you plan to at present. Can you find a way to "test the waters" by arranging to have your roommates/friends/family there while some TG positive show/documentary is on? KINKY BOOTS has a script that makes it a good choice but watch anything you choose first and prepare responses. There are a number of excellent pieces that present the TG viewpoint in a positive and human light.

If things go "bad" have a plan of retreat. Emotional, physical and economic. I was shocked to find my baby brother was a LBGT-bigot. I never dreamed HE would be. As I told one of my best friend here at TGS: "Once she is Out you cannot put the Joni back in the bottle". Plan and be sure but know you can never get "over" being TG and not being you can damage or kill you.