my story

  • December 29, 2010 8:58 PM GMT
    Part 1 - childhood

    Even when I was 5 I remember desparately wishing I was a girl. When I was 12 I told one of my best friends at school, Jessica, my desire to be a girl. She seemed to understand me and that night she took me to her house and told me to try one of her dresses on. She went outside the door and waited for me to get changed. When I had finished she said I looked fabulous. Back then I had reasonably long hair and she managed to get it into a girly hair style.

    The next time I went to Jessica's house was for a sleep over. We had both been exited about it. Jess did my hair up again, and looked in her draw and pulled out a pair of pink panties and bra. She said she wanted to see me just in those. After I got changed she came in. she said I actually would be mistaken for a girl. She got some padding and padded my bra, but she couldn't do anything about the bulge in my panties.

    I kept my desire to become female just between me and Jess until I was 16, when I was moving to sixth form the following year.
    Between then and now my future plans were to run away and become a crossdresser full time with Jess. But then when I looked up on the internet to see if anyone else was like me. Then I found out about a sex change. I had to have one. I built up the courage to tell my mother. She would understand alot easier than my dad. "Mum?" I asked.
    "What is it?" She replied. No one else was in the house. It was just me and her.
    "Well, you see . . I've meant to say this ages ago but . . . you see, I need a sex change to a girl." There. I said it.
    "What!" my mother exclaimed, " you mean you like boys?"
    "Yeah. I fancy boys. I don't want to be gay though. I need to become female. I looked it up on the internet. I know its alot of money but . . but its my future."
    "Ok then, we'll sort something out then?" my mother said.
    "Thank you mum! I was so worried you wouldn't understand me." Besides being at Jessica's house, this was the happiest moment of my life that I could remember as a boy.
    But I was still worried about my Dad.

    • 430 posts
    December 30, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    You're so lucky you were able to look things up online and get sorted out what you wanted with a friend before confronting your mother. Having the support of your mother will make a huge difference.

    You need to be aware though it still will be no picnic. There is alot of hard work, a lot. I was luckier than most myself. I started my road at 19 by telling my sister and mother. It still takes time. I wasn't 100% how to go about things and that took me a long time to work out. Plan and take things slowly. Watch people. Your learn more by sitting and watching than any book or anyone else's opinion. Myself I read all the forums here and watched people and read everything I could. I found that most people didn't find transition the way I did. For starters I was alot younger than most people I was talking to.

    If you do continue down the road to full transition and grs, remember people have feelings. The other people in your life will not understand your need and your total obsession with this issue, even if they support you. I had my mothers help and she still spent a year grieving the loss of her son. I felt like anyone who didn't get everything right all the time or was 1010% in aggreeance was against me. I became hard to be around. Be careful to understand that this is new to others as well and their thoughts and feelings are just as valid. It will part of your job as part of transition to educate and support those around you as much as they support you.

    Have fun with things Gracie, its all ahead of you now but give it a couple of years and you wont even think about it all. It will be just as normal to you and the rest of the world as your elbow is now.

    Good Luck.
    • 2573 posts
    December 30, 2010 5:34 AM GMT
    Good advice, Fiona.

    Welcome to TGS, Grace. Nice story of your life. I can hardly wait to hear the rest if you tell it that well. Wait until you see the NEW site that is in Beta right now!