Why do I want to become a girl? Everyday, it's all I think and fantasize about. I need to consider my male side, and my wife and daughter's needs. Is anyone out there in a similar position?

Hi Amanda-

Well, in a word...yes. Hon, you are not alone, many of us have the same feelings you do but also have commitments made long since to spouses and children. So many of us, speaking for myself here, as well as others, I'm sure, learn to make accomodations and do the best we can. Some find they can't do that and wind up leaving their families to pursue their dream, sometimes it's amicable with love and understanding on everyone's part. Lots of times it isn't.

Only you can decide what's right for yourself. I did look at your profile, Amanda, and I can't tell from it if your wife knows about your female side. If she does, then maybe couples counseling is in order, but you will need to find someone who is familiar with transgender issues as well as couples counseling. Or maybe just some counseling on your own if you want. I guess the main question is, are your wishes to be more fully a woman interfering in your life? Is it causing problems at home, at work, with your family? Are you desperately unhappy?

Honestly, I have fantasies about all sorts of things and if I were not in a committed relationship I might act on them. But lots of times fantasies are best off left as just that. I'm sure that many of the other girls will have ideas and advice as well. After all, we have every stage of the journey represented amongst our members here.

Good luck, wishing you the best.

Hugs...Joni Mari

Hi Amanda,
I think that all of us who have families and are TG have those thoughts on our minds. We want to take care of them because we love them and want to be with them. Being TS, the thinking about being a girl is on my mind too, almost every waking hour and I think I even dream about it sometimes. From as far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a girl. I tried to avoid it most of my life thinking I could just get over it. It just would never happen. As I grew older beginning some type of transition had to happen. I just had to be who I knew I was. I knew this for many years but every day I would ask myself why I wanted to be a girl until one day I realized I was. I was a girl, just different. This beginning of transition unfortunately took time because of family concerns. We all have to look at our own lives and keep asking ourselves that question. It is an answer we can only answer ourselves. It is after we answer that question that we must decide what is best for ourselves. Again everyone has different issues and different circumstances they must deal with. How we deal with them is what makes being TG so difficult. There are a lot of decision to make and yes if we are married and have children they are a big part of it. I myself waited until my children were grown before starting transitioning. It was hard at times but was what I thought best for all. You too must decide for yourself. There is help out there. There is help here at the Gender Society. Don't go through this alone. Your profile says you are a cross-dresser. I hate titles. What you have to decide is how important this is to you and how fare you want to go with it. There is a point where it begins to affect your friends and family. Think long and hard on this. Remember you will not be the only one it affects. My best to you and I wish you all success an happiness. And again remember there are people here that are willing to help. Just ask. Hugs! Ginger M.

Hi Joni,

Very good advice. Wish there would have been someplace like this when I was just starting out years ago. Amanda can find a lot of help here. My best to you.

Hugs!

Ginger M.

What is a girl, anyway? Is being female sufficient, i.e., you are a girl "if and only if" you are female? There are a lot of females who don't behave very girlishly, or very feminine. I said to someone not so long ago when discussing the Thai "ladyboys" that to identify them, the easiest way would be to look for the most attractive and the most feminine behaving. They really want to be considered as girls so they try harder. It seems to me that many biological females don't consider that aspect to be important.
My wife lets me dress up around her and even encourages me; we go shopping together and she helps me choose nice outfits. If I were to transition however, there are a lot more people impacted in ways I cannot even guess, so for now, I remain a beautiful girl, sometimes only.

Hugs, Louise

@ Ginger. Hi, oh yeah, I so agree with you. If only there had been someplace like TGS when I was in my teens and twenties. If there had been I'm absolutely sure things would be completely different for me. Having support makes all the difference in the world, especially the knowledge that you're not alone. For years and years I thought I was the only boy who liked to wear girl clothes and do girl things. Well, in my head I knew there were probably others, but I sure didn't know any. We were all way in the back of the closet playing with the dust-bunnies. Thank goodness for TGS.

@ Amanda. Hi, girl. After re-reading my post, I would like to add something. I used the word "fantasy", which sounds dismissive or minimizing of your feelings. I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to do that. For so many of us, myself included, it isn't a fantasy or some vague desire, it's a very real, very deepseated feeling and need at the core of who we are and can cause great happiness or great upheaval in our lives...or sometimes both. It isn't an easy thing to deal with.

Hugs...Joni Mari

Thank all of you ladies for your heartfelt advice. I can tell form your caring words, many of you have been where I currently am. I am new as a transgendered person, and I enjoy dressing up femininely and I go out with a support group weekly. I do get advice from many T-Girls that have been doing this for a long time. As you've said, I need to make my own decision as to how far I need to go. Bless all of you.....