i want to be honest - i am finding life hard right now { i am sort of part time right now , i dont have a job right now  or i should say a contract , people owe me money for the last one i did- i cant afford to go back to the private doctor i was seeing who gave me the perscriptions for hormones which i had my gp convert to a NHS perscription the GP who in every other sense is just unhelpful, opposed and obstructive, The more outwardly female i become the more my wife explodes and yells at me for any reason , i end up crying i cant help it she bangs desktop and shouts at me - i cry more , she now has all the power in the relationship, i cant afford to leave , i think i will find  a  job soon but im going to interviews as the male me because i think it is the best shot i have of getting a job. I tried first of all as rebecca and agents wouldn't even take my calls or quickly found a reason to hang up on me}.

Why do i mention all this - well last time i was with someone who attacked me all the time and things were this bad i shaved all my hair off and went to being a  supper macho version of my self because in that mode no one can hurt me i hid below that Armour and that was after being full time for nearly 2 years and i hated myself and it has taken me over 4 years with 2 failled attempts where my wife has found reasons i shouldent do this like her visa , to get back to being me again to have the courage even to try.

If anyone else has been through this can you please tell me how you coped ? becuase im getting to the end of my ability to cope..and im sick of crying so much i quite often through up though i try to hide myself away so she dosent hear and say to me im just trying to make her feel guilty 

love

bexs 

I do not have words to help you thru this "Bexs"...my situation is 180 degrees from yours...my wife so far is OK with me although we have our moments.  Plus I'm sort of unofficially "retired" which menas I am unemployed now, but do not need the income.  So we are living under different kinds of pressure.  I'll give it some thought and hopefully others will make some suggestions which might trigger some response for me.  I do know that nothing is as bleak as it seems nor as bright.  Hang in there and try to find some good in every situation...

Best wishes always!

Traci  xoxo

Traci - thank you

I'm here and will always welcome others who wish to have somebody to lean on, speak to, vent, you name it....thnx for the friendship!  (smile)

Traci  xoxox

Hi Bex,

My first suggestion is that you find yourself another GP who is more willing to listen to you and give you referrals to a GI unit at your local hospital (or one further afield if they do not have a GI unit there), should you wish to do so.  It is your doctors responsibility to listen to what you are telling him and to provide the best care possible for you - not to be obstructive and unhelpful.  The NHS has clear guidelines on this and has produced a document (in PDF format) which you can download, print out and show your doctor - or give him a link to the document:-

http://www.dh.gov.uk/dr_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_081582.pdf

I am not qualified to give you any advice whatsoever on the problems you are experiencing in your relationship, but many GI units have trained counsellors who would be able to talk to you and your wife about this, so it would be in your best interests to get referred through to one of the GI units as soon as possible.

Hugs

Carol xx

Hey Girl, like Traci I don't have any magic words either.  I was in a bad place most of my life and I know it really sucks.  Relalationship, work, I was getting it from all angles too.  With the exception of walking..........no, running away from the abusive relationship I was in, I pretty much rode the rest of it out.  It can all feel so overwhelming at times I know.  But we're here for you. With me it's all about baby steps for the good and the bad.  You enjoy the good that much more, and the bad is easier to work through one issue at a time.  I recently got a little out of control but a very wize woman told me to slow down a bit. Oh, I see she has commented here too, (SMILE), Hang in there Bexs, "change the channel for a bit" where you can.  Like Traci said we are here to talk to and like I said in the email I wrote you the other day.  The good people here far out weigh the bad so you have lots of support.  Write anytime girl.  Bri

Carol thank you for your link - i will print it and make another appointment - when i tried to discuss with her the doctor last time i was told - your seeing  aprivate specilist - im ( the doctor) is not prepared to get involved. 

I have been hoping this job would come soon - then i can go back and see the private doctor or move and find a NHSS doctor that dosent treat me like im a inconvienience she would rather not deal with.

thank you Bri - , thank you a hugely - right now shes yelling at me cos the shower was stuck and i couldent get it to unstick and she had to do it butyou think i murdered someone.

thnak you so much for your response.

bexs

If someone was yelling at me and thumping the table I would damn well do the same! But in all honesty there was a time when I wouldn't have been able to do that. I am much stronger now due to what I have been through, so I int gonna put up with any crap like that off of anyone!

If that person gets a kick out of seeing you upset (which I suspect they do) walk away, get away from them. When you have done your crying in private and calmed down, then go back and instigate that conversation again, calmly, putting your views first.

Not sure if thats of any help Bex

Hugs from us xxx

You know Bexs, I know the worst thing you can do is give someone relationship advise, and your wife is upset because she is probably scared and confused about everthing.  Mine was that way because.......that's the way she was born.  But you can't live like that, and LISTEN TO ME, I'm not saying leave her or anything like that, but damn girl, go for a walk, go for a drive, you need to decompress.  I had it easy, I would go work in the yard because I knew she wouldn't follow me there because she was afraid the neighbors would see her following me around screaming like an idiot.  Do you know how much of your energy is being sucked out of you everytime you go through that.  Go for a walk, decompress a little.  You need some cartoon channel in your life.  Bri

Guys

EJ and Mandy - i know we have talked off line - but you are amazing thank you so much for everything.

Thank you - when i posted this i was so upset - wanted to pick up the phone and just talk to someone but there was no one to call - so i reached out to you guys - and you have been amazing im much calmer now she is at work - and Bri your right it sucks the energy right out of you - even i fyou dont respond - i think the idea of goign for a walk is a good one. Carol im going to have ahard conversation with my GP or im going to see family to see if i can borrow some money to go see the doctor and counciler i was seeing if i get no were with the GP.

Bri your right you cant live like this i just so hope i get arole next week i know then it will be another month till i have the money to get out of here but at least ill be out of the house most of the time.

Thank you all so so much and im sorry i seem to dump all my baggage out in the public i promise to start wrtting abotu more cheerfull stuff as soon as i can , thank you again and huge hugs

Becky

Bexs....DO fight fair though...no name calling, no "blaming", take turns, be good listeners, and do not go to bed or walk away without some sort of compromise, agreement, or mutual standoff.  Things will get real ugly if you aren't careful here.  (As if they aren't already)  Seems to me communication (adult level) is lacking now..listen, restate what you heard, make some sort of acknowlegement that HER concerns are valid, state your position and why, etc...then listen again...take your time...Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will Rebecca!  (smile)  What you are experiencing is not a lot different than so many girls in our world.  But it does not have to end ugly and hateful either...

That's the best I can do for now....

Traci  xoxox

Rebecca,

 She was not yelling at you because the shower was stuck.