Having just returned from the “notorious” Charing Cross, after another obstructive counter productive session of hindrance and not being either listened to or included whatsoever in decisions about my life, I thought I would write my feelings in the hope that it might prove cathartic. I liken the Transexual experience to that of an Agoraphobic person stuck in a burning building. At first it may be that the fire can be kept under control and is less of a threat than the perceived terror of facing the outside world. Maybe in some cases this is the case and the sufferer need not address their fears. However it is also possible that the flames could get out of control and eventually the person would be faced with the stark choice of get out and face whatever lies beyond or die very soon, remain as they are or live. Speaking from a personal experience this is how I have felt; burying and hiding from feelings of gender incongruence and uncertainty, double guessing my ascertains based on the latest “facts”. I know not whether the 50% rule is accurate or not but am more than prepared to believe that a horrendously high percentage of us die by the age of 30, many by their own hand. This, I know was so very nearly the case for me 11 years ago, when I was abusing alcohol; almost trying to drown the girl within. However when the probability of death became very real due to dysentery at the age of 30, I knew I actually wanted to live, but had no idea how to. Inevitably a person’s real identity that is buried is like someone swimming under water; they can only remain submerged for a while and then THE TRUE NATURE HAS TO AND WILL ALWAYS SURFACE! I think having to face our fears and face the prejudices of the world and make life decisions is hard enough without having a “little mouse in the corner that nibbles away and undermines us”. I do hope that anyone who reads this will accept it in the spirit it is intended; that of truth love and empathy towards all of you.