Hi girls, what would you do differently if you could live your life over again?

We have received an article on this very subject for the next issue of Frock Magazine.  However, I think this subject has legs, so to speak, and that it would be interesting to hear what you would do differently too.

So, please either write a short piece here (up to about 1000 words) and/or email it to me at [email protected].

Maybe tell us about your life now, what you would do differently if you had a second chance, and of course, why.

I'd be most interested to hear what you have to say.

Hugs, Katie   x

This post was edited by katieglover at November 14, 2011 5:08 PM GMT

I'd stop trying to be some sort of pretend man and just be myself.

I would have done it sooner!!
xx

Much, much sooner in my case - or even more preferably to have been born properly in the first place.

Anybody wanna expand on their replies a bit. If you can stretch it out to about 1000 words, we have an article for Frock! There's a good example in the January 2012 issue. Thanks and hugs, Katie x

This post was edited by katieglover at December 31, 2011 12:44 PM GMT

This is a really difficult question to answer because, at least in my case, it depends on my mood at the time. 

I often thought that if I could go back, I'd start my transition from the moment I was aware of what the problem was. My life couldn't be any worse than what I endured as a teenager. I didn't fit in anywhere. I was an outcast with no friends. I didn't date or participate in any of the school events. I was bullied daily. The emotional abuse was even worse than the physical and I had no where to turn. Sometimes I'm amazed I survived with so few scars.

Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't, couldn't change much. If I changed too many things, I could lose what I value now. I have a wonderful daughter from my first marriage and now have an even more wonderful husband. If I went back and transtitioned early, I might never have my daughter or ever meet my husband. 

If I could go back and change my past, the only thing I would change is to stand up for myself because no one would stand up for me.  And if I got to go back with the knowledge I have today, I'd set myself up to be affluent enough to complete my transtition much sooner.

 

The injections of female hormones were no longer of any use.The medications that he took to control the action of his prostate gland were useless.His breasts had grown and the hair on his body faded to a fraction of what it once was.The weight loss increased as his shape revealed the ribs and scapula nicely.But all was not nice.Death was imminent and finally came.The prostate gland which once was an essential part of his manliness had turned on him.Becoming cancerous it annihilated everything he once held sacred to his being.

I was blessed to attend to my own fathers needs as the life was slowly drained from his once proud body.The man that gave his seed to bring me into this world whithered before my very eyes.The man who once held me as a baby in his arms now relied on me to stand from his bed to sit on a bedside commode.Manhood was stripped from him bit by bit until eventually his soul had to succumb.With death he was released from his suffering.

As I tended to his final needs.As I shaved him and cleansed the sweat from his cooling body I asked for his understanding.I asked that he not be ashamed of me.

 

 If I had my time over again I would be brave.I would have sought professional counceling.

 

As years passed by I understood that I was not the same.Not knowing why I guessed that it was because of various things happening in my life.We moved from England to Canada when I was 5 years old.Already I longed for the softer things.I stood out before my new peers because I loved to read and write.I yearned to express emotions rather than run around the playground.They all talked of hockey and such whilst I wanted only to question why.I tried to talk and question.To reach out and search.I had no answers and the only thing I received from them was taunts and ridicule.Fighting became a way of life.The results of winning a brief respect until a larger and stronger opponent came into view.My overall need to express my emotions thwarted and crushed.

What would I have done different?How could I do different?

Returning to England as a pre-pubescent male of 10yrs old everything all I had achieved in my vain quest was now decimated.My father remained in Canada and I was lost again.

Troubles followed troubles.I broke the law whilst attempting to fit in.Councelling was suggested at the age of 13yrs.I rebelled and pushed for my being returned to my father in Canada.

A father who was strict and demanding.He never feigned away from using corporal punishment.The cycle was formed.

I sought punishment at the very time where salvation through councelling was offered.It may not have been as understanding a councelling as it would be in todays era.Still the path would have been different and I would have been able to walk towards self realisation earlier.

As it was I continued in the same vain.Year after year doing all things nefarious in attempts of achieving popularity.

Years of going against all that was pure to me.Instead of helping others I robbed and stole.I lied and cheated to survive.Eventually at the age of 17 I was aided by a stranger whose kind deeds and words eventually led me away from my misadventures.

Still I resisted professional assistance.Already I knew that I was in need.I knew that my path was full of errors.That I was denying my self.I aimed my life at the very thing that a councellor would easily point out as being the cause of all my inner turmoil.By denying the truth which I now knew to be real I was causing further harm to my soul.

What would I do different?I would seek professional councelling.

But no!I continued to run headlong along a path of destruction.A path which in the future I would eventually have to trace back.Trace back to a point where I could veer towards some semblance of truth.

That is what eventually happened.Unfortunately not before I dragged a million tear stained eyes across the lines of my life.

So here I am.Twelve months ago I faced my own reality.I began to accept that this was not folly.That  this was truth.

After all the years of running and all the years of losing happiness I considered that which would set me free.

What do I need?What path should I take?What is the first step?

Why it is professional councelling of course.Someone who will understand and at the same time I can trust not to have an ulterior motive.And it is that which I took steps to attain.

Yet where am I?

Here I am awaiting my fathers funeral service in twenty-four hours.

I will never get that chance to talk things through with him.Of course his immediate reaction would have most likely been one of disbelief and possible self incrimination.That is only a guess.I now will never have a chance to prove otherwise.All I could do was ask his departing soul not to judge me harshly.Instead look upon the love and caring that is flowing through my daily actions.

If I had sought councelling.If only I had sought councelling.That's what I would do different if I could have my time over again.And that is why.