Hello All
Some of you may Remember me some of you wont. I have been a member of this site for more years than i want to quote. But not really been an active member for a few years due to rl issues etc.
Anyway Cut a long story short Im now single well seperated at least and decided to restart my journey to forfilling my goals in life and being able to live the way i have always consdered myself to have lived from the day i was born.
Firstly I went to the doctor. Told him with a view to starting some therapy. OK so he was understanding but said The Nhs in this part of the world is skint and wont fund anything like that until theres a change in policy. So basically Because im not about to throw myself under a train because i cant get what i want then its basically try again another time. Ok so I thought Im not big or scary in in shape or form. I havent even got an adams apple. Ill go it alone and live the life as i would. So i started Electrosis treatment to my face particullay and see where it leads ok i know its gonna take a while but hell ive waited all this time another couple of years aint gonna be so bad. If i really need the Hormones ill self medicate. Yes im a big Girl I do know Its dangerous. But Im old enough not to go silly with it. Not that it gonna lead to an op but at least im doing something that the NHs atm Cant provide. Then maybe in furture Goverment policy will change and treatment will be avaliable for people who aint phychotic ( Not saying anyone is but you know what i mean ) Or maybe ill win the Lottery and run over to the philipines and fund it myself. Fat chance.
Ok so im now living as a woman 99% of the time however as girls who have transistioned in the past there that 1% you need your Male persona Basically just coz it makes life easier. Which led me on to think What a lonely old soul i really am .. Ok so im 45. No Straight out of the box for me.. Got a few miles on the clock. In other words I look like a 45 year old woman and dress and makeup fit for my age. So i decided to try and get myself a Boyfreind. It can be really lonely somenights in front of the tv. I just want someone to cuddle and Dare i say it Love. You know the package. Cook his tea and wash his socks that kinda thing.. Be a good housewife in other words. Easy i thought. I had no real idear what the reality was.
OK so ill admit ive been on a few dates, Just for a little bit of fun you know. I mean clean fun' Making freinds getting to know people things like that. On the whole ive been really disheartened by the complete expreiance.
One person i wont name any names but just wanted to get in my Knickers and any cost. Told me everything i wanted to hear you know. Anyway As ive said First dates Things like that dont happen unless i really want them to and well he didnt suceed. so Next day he just dumped me like a sack of old Potatoes. It kinda upset me a little bit really. Knowing that this was all i was worth. So anyway i picked myself up and carried on regardless. Which led me onto another date with a guy who was shall we say a little secretive about himself. Anyway we arranged to meet and of course i turned up as i dont let anyone down when ive made plans no matter what has happened in any other parts of my life . Took me like in reality 4 hrs to get ready for this date. OK il admit until the treatment kicks in completly i still need a fair bit of makeup. And you know what? The dick never even turned up. Left me satnding on a corner for like 30 minutes before i decided he wasnt coming. Since then been absolutly no contact at all With the exeption of a quick email saying im sorry but i couldnt do it. FFS How much would it have taken to let me know this beforehand. so anyway that really made me angry and again quite upset with the whole thing. Then there was the third one. Seemed like a nice fella you know said nice things etc on line. wanted to do this and that, Romantic weekends in paris you know that sort of thing.
Anyway We met up and My entire date lasted 10 minutes. I dont know if he was Married or whatever but it was again another im really sorry but i cant do this. At first i questioned myself. I mean do i look ok. I mean I do this almost 24/7 and go out and whatever and never have a problem passing if you would use that term. But Im a paranoid person by nature. So of course i started to ask questions about myself. Like Am i fooling myself i look ok you know that kinda thing. I was getting really stressed over it.. Ok I know im No spring chickened dolly bird who walks about only in 6 inch heels with a ton of heavy makeup. I do everyday and occasionally get dolled up for a special night or something like that. But Jesus What do i have to do?
Is a Nice Love to hard to find these days?
We aint all One night standers just out for a bend over and hows ya father.
Anyway Thats my rant done with
I hope some of you can draw from my expreiances and beware of the tribulations and pitfalls of going full time when your alone in this world.
Comments or your own views greatly appreicated in this Topic
Thanks
Racheal
Hi Racheal. With regard to your other point in this post, that of disappointment with let downs and men seeing you as a walking sex object. I have had exactly those experiences in the past. Guys who tell you everything you want to hear and either use you for a night and then disappear or as you say do not even turn up. That said I have had some wonderful men in my life before I met my partner and soul mate. Do not be disheartened sweetheart, when you least expect it someone might come into your life who will love you and be proud to be see with you. I know if I was a man I would, you are lovely. There was a time when I thought love did not exist and that I would die alone. Now I wake up every morning and look at my partner sleeping next to me and am contended and cannot imagine being alone. Stay strong darling lots of love Alison xx
Ohh I forgot all about this, Well it was 2012.
Just letting you all know. I found someone. I have a partner and we now live together. I am very happy and hope it contiues for the rest of my days.
I got my dream. I now cook dinners and wash socks. But hey. everyone has a diffrent perspective.
As far as the transition goes. I now obviously live fulltime and have done for over a year. Very Stelth Im a kept woman so i dont really need to work other than in house but i do try and earn some pocket money. Buying and selling on Amazon.
So. I was feeling like crap in 2012 but 2015 was my year
Hope you all get your dream someday.
Rach