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Hiya Elle,
Welcome, firstly the two ladies that manage this forum are themselves So's, Lovely people, and great to talk to.
Also I can understand your dissapointment and feeling of betrayal, not really what you signed up for. It might be advisable to get your othe half to see a gender councellor. Not all Transvestites, are transexual, and are quite content to just dress occasionally, getting to grips with their feminine side. For some its a form of escapism, Its a fact that some Soldiers who have witnessed horrific things, retreat into their feminine side to escape memories, find some relief and forget for a while the things they have witnessed, to some extent others do it just to escape the stresss of everyday life. Many reasons, some of us are born with genetic variations that make us who we are, But there are many transvestites here on the Gender Society that are happy and content just to be that. Another problem that arises when people such as yourself find out things like this, an imediate reaction is, they think their partner must be gay or its a sexual gratification thing a fetish, that is also mostly untrue. The majority of Transvestites are heterosexual, However if they turn out to be a transexual and fancy men, logically they think as women, so if they preffered male partners then it follows they were still heterosexual, straight.
Loadsa love Cristine Shye
Hi Elle. The man you fell in love with is still the same person. If you can think back , try to think why you fell in love with him. You "could" have fell in love with her. Love is a strange thing and your attraction to him way back could have and most likely been to his feminine side. (A gental caring side) I am refering to him as him out of respect for you but there is a her inside him. You have been brave even though others and I don't know you . Take care and I wish you both all the best . x
Elle, the person you married is the person you fell in love with. I am certain you would expect him/her to still love you if you were in the same situation. Love is a beautiful thing.
Hi Elle. Yes we have an idea what its like but we are also individuals and everyone is different. What you see in your eyes is different to what others see ect. You being a genetic female knows that a females nature is far from a males.
Females do not start wars , females rarely beat their husbands but it is common for a male to beat his wife. That was the side I was talking about , that gental side and one that cares "A rare thing in a male" Look upon it as a gift if you ever can , you have a man who can think as a woman maybe in more ways than you will ever know. Take care x
Hi Elle. Maybe this may be of some comfort to you. I spent 23 years of my life with a genetic female partner . The only difference is she was aware of me being transexual from the start "but" That is what kept us together . She had previously been beaten by her ex husband. Sadly she suddenly passed away 8 years ago so its just me now but I am ok with that. Try to ignore the vile stuff you mentioned that is written about us . I will be puting our side of things to that shortly to try to take some of the negativity away . Someone needs to tell others yet again its not easy being the way we are . Take care x
Hi Elle. Thank you but its ok about my partner I have my memories. Its also ok about my neighbour he is now going to prison. Some may tell you I should not be the one giving you advice but I am 55 years old and others have been aware of my gender identity since I was 12 years old . That is a lot of years experience. I have been through every emotion there is from love to hate and everything in between. Its a fact I am not a liked person on here for various reasons. Those reasons are - I don't believe in God - I am honest - I tell it like it is - I live in the real world - Sometimes I have to be blunt to make a point - I am true to myself and everyone around me - I stand up for myself and others - I get frustrated by what I see going on around me on here and the outside world - I try my best to right the wrongs I see going on . All of that adds up to the fact that I care about real life and real people. I will understand if you wish me to stop adding to this thread if its putting others off (I have that effect) But if you want honesty then I will gladly continue. It is never my intention to hurt others but the truth does hurt as you are well aware from your recent discovery about your husband. If you wish this to be my last post on this thread then I will wish you both all the best for a happy ending to you situation. Take care and look after each other . xx
Its proberbly me Elle! As it says above I have that effect. Sorry you have had some difficult days join the club mine has been a real crap one (can't say why). Come on SOs Elle needs you. Take care xx
Elle its a can't say! I spent most of my day in hospital and I can't say why its an on going thing but there was no sun in there . Tommorow will be better! I don't have to go there again untill next week. You take care too and look after yourself . xx
PLEASE HELP< Hello, I am in complete despair. I just found out my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years is wanting to be a woman. The fact that he does I have no problem with, its the betrayal I feel...but mostly I feel I betrayed myself. I left a loving home of 10yrs; but my child through a divorce on the thought of this man being the one. Within these 3 years he has maybe worked a grand total of 9 months. He doesn't drive so I drive him everywhere, he was always very critical of my clothing choices, how I wore my hair, how we had sex. Writing this out the tears are flowing through my own stupidity. If that wasn't enough I was the first person not to throw him away when things were tough and slowly helped him realize he may have aspergers. So their is absolutly NO, not an OUNCE of understanding on his part of what I maybe going through. I have spent the last year on the verge of sucide, my happy demeanor has changed into someone I don't know. In the last two days he has come to realize that he no longer wants to be a man... yet he was soooo manly when we met. He said he had this feeling all along but kept it hidden until he met me. Its not the clothing; its his feminne personality that Im not attracted to when he is dressed. I am not attracted to women at all, just as he is not attracted to men. He says that he is nothing without me, he has nothing without me...but I am nothing with him. It would break my heart to throw him away like everyone else has..but seriously I don't know how much more I can take.
Hi T.,
I truely understand how this must have come as a great shock to you and the turmoil that you must be going through right as this time, even though I am on the opposite side of the fence. I am transsexual and fought it for many years (read my blog) although I have always been attracted towards men - and many of us who go through this put on a façade for many years until we can fight it no more. However, there are many M2F transsexuals who are attracted to women, which can be even more confusing for them as they try to come to terms with who they are.
If your partner is transsexual, then ultimately there is nothing that he can do to help it and if he feels strongly enough about it, then he will, ultimately, transition (or the worse case scenario, will take his own life).
You say that you are nothing without him, so I presume that you still very much in love with him. There are partners of transsexual women on here who have been through exactly what you are now going through and they have managed, against great odds, to make their marriage work and have remained together. Whether you can do this is down to how you see your future together. There is a great web site that caters solely for the partners of transsexual people here:-
http://www.transpartners.co.uk
which might help you to understand this better and give you the support that you so desparately need at this point in your life. We can also try to help you here as well and will do everything that we can to help and support you. No doubt other prtners will chime in and try and give you their support shortly.
Have you considered going to a therapist for support - if you do, please seek out somebody who specialises in both gender related matters and marriage guidance as it is only those people who will be able to guide you through this.
In the meantime, don't give up all hope
Carol xx
Hello Elle,
first, a bit about me. i am 39, ive had 2 real relationships,both with females.
the first, when i was 19, lasted 6years. i did tell her about my dressing up. she tryed really hard to deal with it, but i know she had a hard time. when we finished at first i was really hurt and nagry, but then i realised how hard she had tryed. no every one can live with something that, through upbringing and enviroment tells us is wrong. she was the only person i had ever told, and this kind of told me to keep everything quiet, to hide it, from my self and every one else.
my 2nd relationship should never have happened. we were so totally opposite, in every way posible. i am kind and giving, she is selfish with a huge chip on her shoulder (she does have good reasons for this which i wont go into). it only lasted 3 years, but i realise it was an attempt on my part to live the "normal" hetrosexual life i had been born into and brought up in.
if you read my blogs, you'll see that i have always known, always been ashamed, lived my life the best way i can. i want to say to you that in my opinion you are one of the strongest women i have ever "met". ive been quietly reading your posts, and your honesty, love, and desire to understand is to be admired. its true, that this isnt something that is easy to come to terms with, but in talking openly about it, in understanding, learning, that if a love is true, then true love will overcome all and every hurdle.
i want to say thank you for sharing your journey with us, for me, it has been a ray of hope, i take strength from there being people like you in this world. i cant say if i want a man or a woman, as this side of life up until now has been more an attempt to protect my loved ones from the embarrisment and shame.
find true love and hold it in your heart forever.
best wishes to you, hope the new year is full of wonder and joy. xx
