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I have real trouble when looking back how I used to look to how I look now. What goes through my head is , was that realy me? I look a lot older then than I do now thats for sure and its not make-up.
So why did I look so bad (not that I look that great now) .
Its fairly easy to answer I suppose. I looked a wreck and its a fact so here is the cause.
Firstly back then I was depressed and going back 7 or 8 years I was suicidle , I weighed 16.5 stone previous to coming out as myself but droped down to 10 stone at a rapid rate so my ribs were showing my face took the brunt of it and it was visible to all.
Although now I am still classed as underweight my skin on my face seems to have lost its wrinkles and shrunk back to fit my bone structure.
Although I have no regrets over news articals I do not recognise that person in them , it was me but it was a different me. It was a me searching for myself , my true self.
So now I am 8 years older I look 8 years younger , actualy most people put me in my mid 40's when I am in my mid 50's.
So why am I posting this? I suppose its a lesson to anyone going through what I and many others did and do .
Things do get better "You even get to look younger". Learning to love yourself according to the song is the greatest love of all. Well I don't love myself but I have definatly found myself and from looking back it has paid off in one way. I still look a wreck but far far away from the wreck I looked like all those years ago.
I was told a few days ago I have beautiful eyes! Er I said beautiful? Maybe others see things I don't but these eyes have seen a lot. They have seen years and years pain and torment turn to happiness. I have been knocked down over and over again but still keep geting back up again.
I have been on a long up hill battle , I have felt pain beyond imagination . But most of all others have learned from my experiences.
The battle is over. Better late than never.
