What's nice about this story is that a lot of it pertains to getting a relationship even for cisgendered people. However, I will not pretend like I did not strike gold or aren't very lucky, cause I am.

So, I had been doing online dating since, oh I dunno, the dawn of time. Or more like for about 7 years on and off. Many dates, no relationships. The last year however I took a break and I began to work on myself. Rather than chase people endlessly to fill that void in my heart, I worked on becoming the kind of person who would naturally attract other people. Over the last few years I have grown into maturity and I now have far more self-respect, confidence, bravado and sense of humor. You have to think, what, aside from physical features, do you find attractive in your preferred sex? To me it was those things. It was passion, great sense of humor and being open minded. This time in my profile, I let my personality shine. Rather then say what I hoped to get, I showed what I had to offer! My writing style conveyed both my intelligence and wit, and I adamantly described what I was passionate about. That being politics, philosophy, beer, making videos, travel, etc.

This was also the time when I came to the realization that I was bigendered. It was a big epiphany, not to mention I knew it would complicate things in any relationship. Thanks to many blogs and stories from my older trans sisters, I had learned that denial and bottling these things up would either end up in heart break or depression or both. I refused to let this tear up any future family I had. So I am trying my best to be honest about it and embrace it into my life.

Around this time I got a message from a little cutie. We did some formulaic Q&As that the site makes you do, and then we began chatting. She was spunky, honest and very caring. We began txting... which lead to sxting. We did what I call the question and answer game and it's really simple. You simply take turns asking each other personal questions and you have to answer honestly, which I am mostly ok doing, I'm an open person. Eventually we got to the dreaded topic, and this is important, I was determined to let her know before anything began because I did not want this to be a lamentable surprise. Because I did some soul searching, I knew how to explain it and myself, and because I was so self-assured and helpful in trying to help her understand, she accepted this before we even met each other. I was a bit shocked, but amazingly happy! I got it out of the way, and she just happens to be a wonderful and caring enough person to love me as a person, gender be damned. It certainly helps that she's panssexual, and if I think about it, I wholeheartedly recommend finding one of those. XD

Over the next few months we dated and hung out together, but not terribly often cause she lives an hour away. Because I was open about it, we talked about it quite often actually, and she requested we have a girls night together. My heart was racing. This would be the first time I would be dressed or be a girl in front of somebody else. I went to her place, changed in the bathroom, and stepped out in my panties and skirt... OMG I was so nervous! My hand was in front of my mouth for so long and she had to lead me by the hand upstairs. But she simply awwed and said how cute I was. It was the best night of my life, as I got to be Tatiana for the first time ever with somebody, and it was so natural and not forced.

However, as happy as I was, I wasn't in love with her. Odd right? Not like she was for me. Ah, but there was the ironic twist. She's three years younger than me, and she has self-esteem issues and depression. She is such an eager lover, like a little puppy, that I saw myself in her. My younger self, desperate for love, but for no love for oneself. I told her this. And she understood entirely, and was heartbroken, but we still wanted to see each other, because we had something special. I saw the potential in her. She could also be the person I was on my way to becoming. And I thought, when she gets there, she will be such an amazing catch.And I want to help her find that confidence, because she deserves it. (btw, **** abusive relationships... I'll hurt the bitch that made her self-loathe if I ever see her.)

Eventually, knowing she was head over heels for me, and the fact that one night I had drunkenly spouted my deepest darkest secret to her because she was embarrassed about something and I wanted to make her feel better... great reasoning right? And yes, it's quite embarrassing. And she was puzzled, and I tried my best to explain it... and she accepted it. So fast, I couldn't believe it. I said I can't believe you are so happy treating me like a girl. And this is when I fell for her.

She corrected me and said, "You mean treating you AS a girl sweety."

...

Holy ****, she accepted me as a girl even more than I did! I couldn't stop thinking about her at this point. She knew my deepest darkest secrets, and she doesn't just tolerate and know about them, she actively embraces and indulges me in them! And enjoys it! Not to mention our sex was fantastic. *blush* So when I thought about the idea that if she met somebody else, and that this would have to stop, I said **** THAT! I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes three times on the spot. Then she kept asking if I was sure and if this was a dream because, well, I had just spurned her advances only a few weeks ago. But hey, she worked her magic. She was already becoming the kind of person I knew she could be.

We've been together only two months now, but we really do make each other happy. She helps me find clothes, dresses me over the phone, and I can also be a man for her. She understands the risk that I may be compelled to get SRS one day, but she says as long as I'm still with her, that she would have me as her wife. <3....

So my transbretheren, while this story is partial gloating, I only mean to help my younger brothers and sisters who need help accepting themselves, so that they may be accepted by others. No, not everyone is going to like who you really are, but not everybody like who the "unreal" you is either now do they? So why not at least be happy in your own skin? Because it will be very difficult finding somebody that will be attracted to you otherwise. Work on YOURSELF here and now. Become the best you you can possibly be, and then find somebody who loves that you with all her/his heart. As long as you are open about your feelings, and persevere in your search and struggle, you CAN and WILL find happiness. And after you find that happiness, maybe you'll get a boy/girlfriend too.

And a special big hug for my older trans-sisters for sharing their stories and feelings to help me in the right direction and find happiness. Your hardships were not in vain, you are helping so many younger sisters like me, and we love and thank you eternally for it. *hugs*

Love for all,
Patrick/Tatiana