Hypothetically, if you thought your wife was having a lesbian affair, and yet you were a closet transsexual, what would you do? Would this sapphic discovery open new opportunities for you both, would it make coming out easier, does it explain her attraction to you (as a superficial male), does the deceit balance out? All hypothetical of course.. Thoughts and reflections welcomed. Rachel

Rachael,
You are in a good situation. If you are truthful to your wife about being in the closet... you end up being truthful to yourself as well. It's a win-win situation if you tell her about you being in the closet.

Hi Rachel , I agree with Doanna, . I sympathize , we can easily get down and look at the negatives like deciet balances  .

its tricky though getting the time when you both can talk without distraction , and believe its the right time to make this discussion.

As is often said the truth will out in the end.   

Kind regards  D

Donna & Doanna

 

Thanks both for your reflections on this.

 

The truth will out in the end - quite probably.

 

I lie awake at night wondering about the consequences of exposure, the impact upon my family, the reaction from an elderly father and the long-term impact upon my young son. Explaining to one, the years of explanation that the other may need to give. I worry about the hurt that my wife will feel, her reaction and whether her patience will finally expire.

 

All of this absence of action you might say is to protect those I love, but an alternative reading is that these might be excuses that I'm making for myself.

 

I don't think (today) that my wife is having an illicit lesbian affair. I know that I am transexual. I also know that I will do nothing about this until perhaps it is too late.

 

The truth will out in the end.

 

Rachel x

Hi Rachel,  

          I have  had the same "I know that I am transexual. I also know that I will do nothing about this until perhaps it is too late."  too late , well I am sittng here just having turned 52 , with sticky out sensitive nipples in my tea shirt  and very flouncy long hair .  I think actually I am okay and moving forward , and my partner seems happy with  me.On reflection though  I have been changing over the last few years ,  

        I identified there was this mentally slavery of meeting "percieved exceptions " which was progressively but inevitably grinding me down. A consequence was that I was not in REALITY happy . The Other thing was the emerging reality and realization , that I would turn into and be percieved as grumpy old  etc . So I decided to change  smile a lot more , not always follow the expectations if I didnt feel like it , followed simple things like helping my partner out . This process is slow though , and I need time away which fortunately I can get as I work away during the week. I dont have children . Our circumstances are  different.  When I am with my partner  she knows that I am always  there for her with best intentions. I have told her I am Transgendered . One last thing is that at this point in time I have been taking hormones for a while and recently the level was increased , I feel a lot better and in tune , more likely to give a big cuddle and mess about as 2 people do.It is liberating in many ways , mentally ,emotionally and sexually 

       Final  thought , Maybe Getting rid of that mental slavery of living to percieved expectations ,can actually free up some vital time for you to express yourself as a happier person to your Partner and children. Must stop now as I have some chores to do in the garden , and get some raspberries picked.  

Donna

Thank you. I hope your Raspberries were sweet, soft and luscious..

Rachel