I've struggled with who I was supposed to be and who I am my entire life. I tried over and over to do the "man" thing without any lasting success. I knew at age 4 that there was something different about me. I was the true bane of my mother's existence. I met my true soul mate at age 25. She has been and always will be the one true love of my life. I grew up in a time when the word transgendered hadn't be thought of yet. My wife tolerated my forays into femininity and occasionally joined me. I told her of my desire to transition and she gave me her approval. Yet, I couldn't do it because I felt it was not what she had signed on for. Or maybe I wasn't brave enough. I knew I didn't care what people thought of me but I cared deeply about what people would say about her because of what I considered to be a selfish request on my part. I have no idea why she chose me or why she put up with my sh*t for so long.
But I'm rambling...
She died last August after a long struggle with a terrible illness that stole her breath away. I never knew the meaning of the words alone or lonelyh until then. I know in my heart of hearts that she loved me every day of the 40 years we had together.
So now what?
I have no one left in my life that I can offend or drive away because of the gender I feel I HAVE to be.
And so I have begun. And I will continue to work on my transition in any way possible for however much time I have left..
This I have to do for me....
Thank you for sharing your story it is so touching and you are so loving towards your wife as your wife was to you.On this forum you are amongst friends.xxxx
Blessed be.xxxx
Love and Hugs Marcie.XxxxX
You are most welcome.xxxx
Blessed be.xxxx
Love and Hugs Marcie.XxxxX
Marissa. I guess she still loves you too, and perhaps, who knows, can help you on your way. Youe WERE brave enough, but better, Marissa, you were brave enough and strong enough to put her first. I admire you!
Hugs,
Amanda
How sad, but lovely story at the same time, no resentment, just love. its things like this that realy touch me.
loadsa love Cristine, xxXxx